The Blogger Versus Non-Blogger Mind

March marked Of Cabbages and Kings' third bloggiversary. And attesting to either my increasing age, or the advanced age of the Cabbage, I forgot all about it.

I mainly see it as a lost opportunity for cake.

But it did get me thinking how, as humans, our whole perspective on life changes when we've been blogging a while-- particularly, when it's humor blogging. See, it's like this:

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Non-Blogger:

"I shall go to a restaurant and eat this meal. If my food looks strange or unappetizing, it may reflect in the tip."

Blogger:

"Doesn't that pile of mashed potatoes look just like Corey Feldman's head? I must take a photo of it with the camera that I happen to have right here, and upload it to my blog, Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, and www.foodsthatlooklikecoreyshead.com."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"I am going on a road-trip with friends, where much merriment will be had."

Blogger:

"Here: you hold the steering wheel while I take a photo of that roadsign that reads 'Welcome to Bumpus. Home of the Marauding Chickens.' No, we won't swerve into that tractor trailer if you hold it steady. We have plenty of room... Plenty of room."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"That was the worst vacation I've ever been on. They lost my luggage, I got food poisoning, and my husband left me for a cabana boy named Paco."

Blogger:

"I think I'll write a post from the perspective of my lost luggage, since it got to see Thailand by way of Newark, and I always wanted to visit. Maybe it will bring me back some Pad SeeEw. Or a new husband."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"It's the Halloween season. There will be pumpkins, candy, and fun for the kiddies."

Blogger:

"I need a Halloween post. I wonder if anyone's ever written a parody of The Night Before Christmas except using zombies and from the first person perspective of Shaun of the Dead?"

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

Now that I'm getting older, I find myself asking the important questions, like what is the meaning of life? And how can I raise good, productive children?

Blogger:

Now that I've seen Star Wars for the sixtieth time, I find myself wondering whether Darth Vader ever had a brainstorming session when he was naming the Death Star.

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"I have had this jingle in my head for the past three days."

Blogger:

"I may have had this jingle in my head for the past three days, but soon, through the Mighty Power of the Blog, I will not be alone. Oh no, I shall not be alone..."

____________________________________________________________________

Now here, my friends: have some cake!

Adorable cabbage cake photo from: http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1331783

Also... sing this:

Thanks! :) And surf safely out there.

Humor Blog News, Brain Dissection, and Mom Turns Japanese Chef

Happy Friday, Friends o' Cabbages!-- (or Happy Whenever You're Reading This; let's not be Day Discriminatory)--

To start today's bloggy humorificness, I first have a happy bit of business I want to share.

It appears for the last two years, my brain has been partitioned into many sections. There is:

• The Cabbagulum Obligata-- The part of the brain that plans Of Cabbages and Kings humor posts. It keeps track of, and writes up, blogly humor three times a week on a fairly rigid, entirely self-dictated schedule
  

• The Thriftus Packratocio-- The section that controls me picking up weird crap from thrift stores and writing about that two times a week for my other blog on an equally rigid, self-imposed schedule because, apparently, I am my own personal fascist dictator
  

• The Instantaneous Deadlinula NowNowNowus- The area which handles all the last-minute work writing panics and customer service tasks that inevitably crop-up, drawing energy away from sections one and two

• The Novelium Guilticanus- The part of the brain that pushes me to finish the humor space adventure novel I've been writing, knowing full-well it's a pretty fun tale and will, at least, be better in someone's hands than in a drawer. It's the part of the noggin that says once you have a back-breaking 363 manuscript pages and a complete outline, you are a stupid, lazy bugger if you don't finish the rest of the tale. Then it chains you to your computer desk and serves you bread and water until you crack.
  

• The Novelium Procrastinatorius- The part of the brain that assesses the other parts of the brain and determines that, yes, I can actually put off finishing my novel for another year, even though I enjoy the project, don't have much more to write, and know I need to get my posterior in gearior.

• Steve- The part of the brain that has no idea what all the hustle-bustle is about in the other Brain Locales, and really would prefer to just turn off, chill out and watch some Netflix with a beer. Steve lives in a jar on my endtable.
  

So, with all of these brain parts vying for attention, it occurred to me that I could eliminate the Novelium Procrastinatorius once and for all-- and truly concentrate on the frigging novel using an attention span slightly longer than your average fruit fly-- if only I had a few less blog posts to write a week.

That said, Cabbages will now be published once a week-- I'm thinking Tuesdays, but am open to suggestions taking into account Readers' personal convenience-- until I get this novel wrapped up. I imagine, it'll be the summer.

The good news here is, having freed up this bit of space in the brain (which is dusty and still full of clutter and probably needs Clean House to stop by), I have already written up about 20 new pages of novel content, and am pleased with the progress so far.

In some ways, I feel like I'm copping out in not being able to balance it all in quantity. But that's probably just the Cabbagulum Obligata speaking.

________________________________________________

In other completely different news-- like the actual press-- I just read that a Japanese restaurant in Australia-- called Wafu-- has ruled that all guests must finish everything on their plates under threat of a penalty fee. Those that waste food will be asked to never darken the restaurant's door again.

Future restaurant policies under evaluation include making patrons sit in the corner for not putting their napkins in their lap, and having them write, "I will use my salad fork for salad only" 100 times as punishment for rampant utensil misuse.

Okay, so I made those last two up. But I did have to double-check that my mother wasn't actually still alive and just hiding these past twelve years as a Japanese chef in Australia.

I recall vividly having a Battle of Good Versus Evil with Mom about mashed potato consumption, as a child.

Our War of Wills led me to sit at the kitchen table until bedtime, with a plate of potatoes before me reminiscent of a particularly memorable scene in Close Encounters.

We also enjoyed a sequel the next evening, featuring the very same all-spud cast.

Mom would totally have been on board with the idea of a wasted food fine. Docking, I dunno, ten cents out of my 50 cent per week allowance for doing the dishes for each potato glob left behind would have definitely had an appeal to her.

Food for thought for you parents with fussy eaters out there! :)

Anyway, that about wraps up Cabbages for today. Hope all the parts of your brains are currently hanging out, having a blast and ready to party for the weekend.

If so, can I send Steve along? His schedule's free and he'll bring beer.

Helpful Tips For When You're Blogging for One

What with that big orangey, fiery thing suddenly looming up there in the sky, and leafy polleny things popping up from the ground, this has served as the annual Spring Distraction of Weeding, Sunning and Sneezing, and blog buddies report traffic has taken a dip.

But never fear! Cabbages is here!-- to help bloggers with less traffic than a One-Horse Town continue to find the fun in blogging! How? With our innovative and tasty recipes for delightful self-delusion! Why not try one today?:

• Pretend you're actually addressing thousands per day, and the reason you don't have any traffic or comments is simply because there are so many people visiting at once the technology just can't process the data properly.

• Post and respond to spam commenters as if their non-sequiturs about male enhancement, nude photos, and the forum you don't actually have but which they're thanking you so politely for are actually relevant to your post. Send each of them a friendship e-card

• Comment in your own comment section, as you, responding to yourself. You will never be lonely. If you start becoming surprised at the answers, however: stop.

• This is a great time for experimentation! So try new blogging techniques no one has attempted yet. Like--since short posts are increasingly popular-- try posting just one or two words per blog entry and watch your post count triple in an instant! You may begin a whole new trend in blogging.

• See how many times you can use the word "meow" in a post before any of your friends become concerned. (Note: not applicable if your blog is related to cats... or you happen to be one.)
  

• Create a series of posts indicating your blog has been kidnapped and asking for ransom demands. Use different fonts and type partially in caps for true believability.
  

• Use this opportunity to showcase talents you might otherwise have hesitated in sharing online. Like scans of those Glamour Shots you had taken, or videos of that time you and your buddies did Karaoke. (C'mon, deep down you know your rendition of "Mandy" is a show-stopper... Why keep all of that audio gorgeousness to yourself? Your reader(s) deserve it)

Now, these tips were designed to just get you started. Here at Cabbages, we recognize there's a whole world out there of new ways to combat the crickets you hear in blogging lulls.

Want to share one of your own techniques? Just drop us a comment... or, if you've comfortably adjusted to your own company, feel free to comment to yourself in the comments field. We're always glad to hear from you... And you, too.

The Dead Blog Memorial Wall and Rave Party

They fill our weekly routines with joy, laughter, knowledge.... And then, too soon, they are gone... Vanished suddenly from our lives like pretty much any Joss Whedon series on FOX.

Yes, I'm talking about blogs. The ones that draw you in, that engage you, only to die a silent premature death.

Sometimes it's because that bossy Offline Life steps in and pulls the plug.

Sometimes inspiration drains from blogging like ice cold, soapy bath water.

Sometimes existentialism cold-cocks the blogger with the ham-fisted hand of "Why frikkin' bother?"

But no matter what the reason, we readers mourn. And we mourn alone!

But no more! Because Of Cabbages and Kings has created the Dead Blog Memorial Wall and Rave Party. Yes, that's right!--now we have the perfect Interwebz spot for honoring those blogs and former bloggers that served their readers, and served well-- until their creation snuffed it like a groundhog on a six-lane highway.

Find the closure you need while remembering your favorite deceased blogs-- simply leave a comment here. Tacky virtual plastic shrines are welcome.

So take off your coat, grab a cup of your favorite libation, and join in the party. Let's celebrate the Creativity That Was and the Blogs That Now Aren't!

I'll start us off in the comments section with a couple of my own most-missed blogs.

(PS- Please take your shoes off if you plan to dance on the virtual tables... I just had them polished.)

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Portrait of Anonymous: An Interview

Who is the single hardest working individual online today? It must be the unflappable.... the infamous... the ever-present...

Anonymous.

Anyone who has a blog, a web site, or a forum knows him well. He's the one who makes sure your quality online acreage is covered with spam like cow pats on the back-set of Rawhide.

He's the one who lights up your comments section with the licking flames of misplaced rage and unique, out-of-the-box spelling techniques.

He's the fellow on forums, who slips in unfettered by pesky things like facts or context, and who can transform an everyday discussion on non-stick spatulas into a seething, spittle-flying, pro- and anti-Teflon situation in under ten minutes flat through persistence, precision name-calling and a Wonderland sort of rationale.

How does he manage to fit it all into his busy schedule? Well, Of Cabbages and Kings caught up with Anonymous this week, for the first-of-its-kind exclusive interview!


CABBAGES: You're a very busy man. Tell us: of your many online works, which is your favorite, and why?


ANONYMOUS: Well, it's apples to oranges, really. In terms of my forum contributions, I do feel there is huge value in spreading the "you suck, you're a bunch of losers" messaging across forums around the world.

I mean, I'm helping people completely entrenched in their narrow philosophies and obsessions with entertainment fan-dom look outside their small sphere of interests, and see there are other perspectives out there-- mainly those who think they suck and that they are losers.

That's important to help align their overblown self-esteem and encourage them to unmire themselves from an unhealthy fantasy life.

But I equally support the wide range of products I endorse. Getting the word out about "nekkd Britney Spears hot videoes of hotness now" or "Improve You Today In Bed All Night Longg Ladies will Pass Out" is really a humanitarian effort. I'm upping the quality of life of all those who my messaging touches.


CABBAGES: I notice you don't limit yourself to posting only on venues from one particular country. How many languages do you actually speak?


ANONYMOUS: Thirty-nine. I've been involved heavily in the Rosetta Stone language tutorial system, plus I use a number of online translators. I mean, while it looks simple, coming up with "I fren u, u fren me kay? nice blog" as one of my catch phrases took more time than you'd think. Largely because I needed something that would translate well into most languages.


CABBAGES: Except English.


ANONYMOUS: Yeah, I'm working on that.


CABBAGES: I notice in your messaging to the masses you don't stick to things like spelling, consistent punctuation or even generally accepted logic. Why is that?


ANONYMOUS: I believe people need to stop being such sheep when it comes to spelling, grammar and having consecutive thoughts flow logically from one to the other.

I mean, are you more likely to remember a message you can figure out by just glancing at it-- or one that's almost mystically mysterious, and which you have to decipher like The DaVinci Code?

Obvious-- the last one, of course! Why follow the crowd with how you express yourself when you can open up whole new worlds in the writing field?


CABBAGES: So you consider your spam art?


ANONYMOUS: Post-modernist, possibly, yes. Though more like poetry.


CABBAGES: When bloggers get comments from you, over and over again on the same post, saying the same things that don't translate well in English, they wonder why you take the time? It just gets deleted anyway.


ANONYMOUS: That's because they're not opening their eyes to the art. I am helping contribute new beauty, new thought, new ideas, fresh perspectives when I grace their comments section and tell them they shouldn't be born, to go to hell, or I choose to honor their blog with my ads.

But they're so self-involved they just don't see it. They see it only view it as a childish insult, or ads for cheap pharmaceuticals and illegal movie sites. But I also have the faith that they'll learn, someday. They'll see the sublime perfection of these communications. So I like to give them that chance-- and if that means I need to communicate with them every day, six times a day... then, so be it.

Yes, I believe in people. I want to give them every opportunity to change for the better. To find their own best selves through my comments, my products, my enhancement of their otherwise mundane work.

That's just the kind of guy I am. And it's because I don't want to look like I'm tooting my own horn, I simply have to remain anonymous. Revealing my identity would only take away from my selfless acts for bettering mankind. And we don't want that.

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Of Cabbages and Kings would like to thank Anonymous for taking time out of his busy schedule to be with us here today.

Now we'll take questions from the readers. Do you have anything you'd like to ask Anonymous? He'll be answering your comments in between adding his, um, post-modernist art to other blogs.

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Blogging Birthday Lessons Learned

It's hard to believe, but as of today, I've officially been blogging for three years. Yep, newborns have grown into full-fledged, "NO!"-proclaiming humans in the time my first blog has been a virtual quickie-mart stop on the Internet Highway.

And in that time, I've learned a few things. Things which I will share with you today:

• Spammers know no sense of irony. I have a Japanese spammer. She spams both of my blogs daily, in Japanese. My readers and I don't speak Japanese. She doesn't speak English. Each day she specifically spams the post about my deep loathing of individuals of the Spamacious nature, such as herself. Each day I delete her spam. What we have here is a failure to communicate.
  

• When you discuss the film Aliens, do so with the reverence normally reserved for the Pope and crispy bacon. Back when I was just a baby blogger, I made the mistake of thinking I had some funny observations about the film Aliens. Due to the wonders of Social Media (meaning about 10 angry Reddit-haunters who apparently sleep under Aliens sheet sets on their parents' pull-out sofas, dreaming of how different their lives would have been if only Sigourney Weaver had gone to the prom with them), I learned that my observations about Aliens are, in fact, wrong and distinctly unfunny. So from here on out, I shall refer to Aliens as "That Space-Oriented Film Of Which I am Unworthy To Speak, What With Not Having Thoroughly Digested Its Entire Catalogue of In-Depth Mythology." For your own safety, I recommend you do the same.
  

• No, they've already heard that story. No, really. Really. I'm lucky enough to have a few real-life friends who read my blogs. This, I understand, helps them keep up with all the fast-paced, budget-conscious, telemarketer-flaming, furniture-refinishing, anti-zombie activity that surrounds my oh-so-riveting life. This also means that when I see them in person, I begin to regale them with my latest plan for better human-zombie relations or, say, the cool new purse I thrifted, they cut me off quicker than the Stig test driving a Lambo on the Autobahn. "Yes, I read that," they tell me, offering the polite pained smile you give that aged relative with Alzheimer's who's just opened her birthday slippers for the fourth time. Let me tell you, the conversation dies quicker than Meryl Streep looking for another Oscar. Always have new material.
  

• If they're not laughing at your jokes, at least you can't see their faces. Blogging has allowed me to share all the things that have struck me funny, some of them not even involving infomercials. But the best thing about blogging is, I don't have to see your faces. Not that you guys aren't all really beautiful people, who I wouldn't totally enjoy staring at until you started nervously sweating and tugging at your collar, because of the High Art involved in your perfect profiles. But 1.) I don't have time for that crap. And 2.) when I make a joke that totally bombs, I don't have to see your expressions of weary bewildered tolerance. This has been great for the ol' self-esteem. Thanks!

• You can't turn back the hands of time on a bad post. Believe me, I've tried. I've scoured the city, looking for Doctor Who. And not just for a brief vacay of interstellar travel and cheeky banter, but also to intercept the latest, mutant blog issuance I'd given birth to. How do you unmake that three-eyed, humorless child you adored for 3.5 seconds? Well, you don't. You can't. You can unpublish, but it's already out there, limping through the cities and breaking up the place. So just slap a tux on it, sing a duet of "Putting On the Ritz," and move on. Maybe no one will notice.

Well, I could go on and on about this, but I won't because of the last thing I learned from blogging:

• Know when enough's enough.

And since I know a lot of you readers out there are bloggers, too:

• Care to share your bestest blogging lessons?...

And do any of them involve a "Space-Oriented Film Of Which You're Not Worthy to Speak"?

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Greeting Cards for Bloggers

The joys, the sorrows... Blogging is full of 'em. And with more and more people blogging, I think greeting card companies are missing a very important niche market here.

So, Of Cabbages and Kings has decided to step up and help bloggers, their families and friends, better support each other through the ups... the downs... and the, er, sidewayses... of this big ol' roller coaster ride we call the Blogging Life.

Go ahead and use these e-cards freely, to tell your blogging buddies just how you feel. All I ask is that you leave the images as-is and, if you'd be so kind, provide a linkback to http://cabbages-n-kings.blogspot.com. Because, y'know, in a world of billion dollar bailouts, "free" is a pretty darned good deal.

I've created a wide selection of e-cards to suit some of today's most common blogging benchmarks!

For the blogger celebrating a PR increase...


And for the folks who took a beating during this last page rank update...




For when technical malfunction turns to tragedy...



And to celebrate the blogging life's rich rewards...



For those moments where the world seems unjust...


And to help soothe the stresses of social media...


And sometimes... sometimes... it's to simply announce the birth of a really great idea...


Hope you have fun with 'em, my friends!

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Or pop by Humorbloggers where everyone's a card.

The BlogCatalog Appreciation Day Barbecue

In the list of obscure holidays, "BlogCatalog Appreciation Day" has to be up there as among the most obscure. You know, somewhere along with "Left-Handed Pitchers' Day", "Let's All Eat Cheese Day" and "Take Your Marmot to Work Day."

But as a blogger, BlogCatalog-- its blog directory and discussion boards-- has actually done quite a lot for me for almost two years now. So it seemed only appropriate-- now that it's getting its own day and all -- to spread the word about why I've appreciated it.

• It's a place you can carry on a discussion with a panda, an incontinent aardvark, a championship race horse, assorted monkeys, a girl with a bra on her head, a ninja, a baby, a deceased rooster, and a gaggle of cartoon characters, all at the same time, and not actually be institutionalized.
  

• Cabbages was born of a BlogCatalog discussion thread, where a brainstorming moment aloud turned from "Why?" into "Why not?" Also, the fact that one of the people I had the discussion with is a lawyer, and thereby is skilled at the Jedi Mind Trick.

• BlogCatalog meant I was able to go from pretending to write for people reading, to people actually reading.

• When I screw up something on my blog, chances are someone else has screwed that up on their blog first-- and a third person will know how to fix it.

• On 08/08/08, when fans of numerology were predicting the "End of the World As We Know It," we felt just as fine as Michael Stipe-- because we'd already gotten the scoop on the Lack of World Ending in India from a sarcastic pink teddybear, and the dish on the England situation from a mad British doodler. All within moments.

• I learned through the discussion boards that many, many of us have Clown Fear. And I even got to discuss it with a guy who was a professional clown. This is cheap therapy.

• I now know more invisible people than I do real ones. And, again, my friends actually aren't considering institutionalizing me... Well, not for that, anyway.

• I learn about all the latest social media applications I'm never going to use-- but at least I know why I don't want to use them.

So these are just a few reasons I've enjoyed hanging out at BlogCatalog. And also the fact that I've met many, many of you good folks there.

But in case you're a blogger-type-person and you haven't yet joined BC, you might want to consider it, and tap into all the merriment, marketing, mayhem, and other marvelous things that may or may not start with the letter "m."

And otherwise, here's some virtual grilled meat or veggies of your choice. Potato chips-- crisps for my British friends-- are over there... Tim Horton's donuts for my Canadian chums.... Mani, just because it's Belgian beer, doesn't mean you get to drink it all. Daniel's bringing the pizza. Everyone's welcome. Grab a plate and heap it high.

We expect the table-top dancing to start at noon. So put on your dancin' shoes.

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Rate This: Rating the Rating of Ratings

Is it just my imagination, or does it seem like simply everything online is rateable these days?

I mean, just look at all of the exciting social media opportunities we have now! And being able to rate the media on these different venues theoretically allows the cream to rise to the top...

The clotty grease to float over the beef broth...

No, wait...

The wheat to be separated from those inedible stringy bits that taste bad and clog your intestines and only goats can properly digest and... er...

Well, you know what I mean.

But now it seems that not only do individual posts or videos get rated in these media venues, but the comments about the individual posts or videos are getting rated, too.

So folks are commenting on the comments of the commentary...

And then Abbott says to Costello something about a first baseman named Who.

Anyway, I got to thinking about this when I visited an online friend's blog the other day. I noticed her happy little virtual art scrapbook had a "Rate this Picture" section automatically included on it.

And I started wondering-- do her cheerful hobby drawings really need to be assessed and given the "yea" or "nay" by some schmoe like me? Or by Joe Randomvisitor who just happened to pop by because he got lost on the way to YouTube?

Can't something just be good for the sake of trying it? For practicing, for working to be more than you currently are, for following up on the urge to create, and for sharing?

Can you really put a rating on trying and learning?

These are the sort of things I think about in between eating Cheez-Its and watching episodes of "My Name is Earl."

Another aspect of this Weigh-in On Everything Phenomenon happened on a celebrity news program I caught the tail-end of last week. They were talking about Shia LeBoeuf's recent car accident, and to support their idea that fans didn't think getting a DUI would affect Shia's career they had...

Larry from Whoville emailing in through the web site saying:

"I still think Shia is rockin'. He was cool in Transformers, and since he worked so closely with giant talking robots that change into cars and trucks, I think he's totally a good enough driver to man a regular non-talking non-robot vehicle after a couple of brewskis."

Okay, well, maybe Larry from Whoville didn't quite say that. My ears shut down somewhere after the word "rockin'."

But still. The newscaster went on to encourage more emails, allowing other folks from Whoville... and Upper Tarnation.... and Redbud and the like... to express their thoughts on the personal life of an individual they had never met before in a situation they hadn't witnessed.

And then it occurred to me-- if this is the way the trends are going these days, who am I to buck the Will of the People by judging all the judgment? I mean, I'm a helper, not a fighter.

So I came up with a few areas that are currently rating-free as far as I know, but which might really appeal to this brave new world of Complete Audience Interaction:

• Rate This Kindergartener's Artwork. Let's get 'em used to critique while they're still in their Underoos. The kindergarten artwork that receives more "gold stars" gets to be seen on the school bulletin board. Artwork with fewer stars gets the bin and those kindergarten artists are sent to the corner in disgrace, much like being Voted Off the Island. It's a tough world out there, so the sooner these five-year-old cuties learn that other people's opinions off the top of the head will affect their progress in life, well, the better.

• Vote Down Your Most Hated Louvre Paintings. Ever go into major museums and think, "Why is this art?" Well, here's your chance to make your museum visit truly interactive. By voting down your most hated Louvre paintings, the opinions of the first 1,000 people who participate will dictate which paintings get shown to the world and which won't. How many of you are sick of seeing that Mona Lisa chick and her simpering smile? If you're one of the first 1,000, vote it down and the world will never have to see this painting ever again. Yes, that's right-- it'll be wiped from history. What-- you don't know anything about art? That doesn't matter. Today, everyone's opinion about everything is equally important. Yours. Mine. Everyone's. Let's make our voices heard.
  

• Rate the Vacation Memories of Complete Strangers. Vacation slides. The only people they really matter to are the folks who were there. Yep, those people can laugh hysterically at a shot of their dad standing in front of a diner sign, and you have to sit through it in bemused silence. Well, now, you could put an end to the tedium of boring vacation shots you didn't experience yourself by voting them up or down according to your personal interest. Images with the most down votes will be purged from those families' albums, and you'll never have to be bothered by them again.
  

By implementing these and other innovative Interactive Audience Ratings Programs, we'll soon be able to share all our important insights on the comments of the comments of the ratings of the rated. And best of all, we can enjoy all this heady authority anonymously, on any topic, and while never actually having to produce a single creative thing ourselves.

Power to the people!

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Arte y Pico: Simple Patron of the Arts or Blogging Evil Super Genius?

The Arte y Pico Awards have really gotten around in my blogging circles. In my almost two years of blogging, never have I seen one virtual award sweep the internet the way this one has.

In one way, it's really, really nice-- it's a thoughtful nod of appreciation to one's fellow bloggers for a job well done. For bringing the art of the craft to an audience. It's a way of saying, "Hey, friend-- good job!" I would like to thank my online friend Alice, my pal the Crotchety Old Man and the lovely and very funny ChatBlanc for kindly bestowing these on me recently. Your good-eggishness has not gone unrecognized!

Yet in another way, when you just pop across the virtual street to see your beloved neighbors, and you're suddenly tripping over Arte y Pico awards-- well, it's a bit like a plague of locusts. I think I've stepped on, like, hundreds of these things as I make my journey from blog to blog.

They make a neat tinkly-crunchy noise.

So, in summary, really nice, but better wear thick-soled shoes when you make your way around the blogosphere. It's a plague of locusts with each locust delivering a teeny-tiny Pulitzer.

Now what makes me think the "Arte y Pico" blog owner himself is an Evil Super Genius?

Well, it's because this SEO mastermind wrote right into the rules how anyone who receives the award should link back to the original Arte y Pico page. And we all, for some mysterious reason (or because the rules say so, and made-up rules must always be followed), we go ahead and do it. Oh, and I include myself in this. I did it as well.

Which means that every blogger who distributes this award to their five recipients puts a link to Arte y Pico. And those five bloggers distribute to five bloggers who put a link to Arte y Pico...

And so on...

And so on...

DeadRooster touched on this a couple of weeks back, but I felt it merited further emphasis. The blogger behind Arte y Pico has managed to develop a pyramid scheme of linkbacks all because everyone enjoys sharing the fun of awards. It's brilliant!

Of course, when it comes to what I now like to call the "Arte y Pico Link Enticement Snare" (also known as the "Arte y Pico Paradigm", the "Arte y Pico SEO Strategy", and "Phyllis"), other clever brains have figured this out and have launched similar awards initiatives, also requesting links back to them. Will these have the staying power of the Arte y Pico awards? Time will tell.

The Arte y Pico blogger does have the advantage because he:

1. Did this first and
2. Wrote his whole awards page in Spanish so it's harder for us non-Spanish speakers to see the underlying Evil Geniusness of it all
3. Made a really elaborate, frilly artistic award with winged ladies and other geegaws so we're concentrating on how much we'll have to dust the thing on the virtual mantle... And are paying less attention to the fact he's snuck a link to himself into the darned thing

So Arte y Pico-- created by a simple patron of the arts, or Blogging Evil Supergenius? You decide.

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Vote for this post at Humor-blogs. Or, you know, just hand me some Endust for my Arte y Pico awards. Thanks!