What's That? Wednesday

Greetings, folks! Today we're going to play a little game I have lifted from my friend Kathy of the Junk Drawer because 1.) Kathy is an innovator and 2.) it has been a case of "long time no blog" here on Cabbages and I didn't want you all to think I had fallen off the face of the Earth or that I didn't love you anymore.

The game is called What's That? Wednesday. All you have to do is guess what the object up at the top of the page is and share your answer in the comments section. The first person to guess correctly will win a copy of my comic space fantasy novel There Goes the Galaxy.

And for some added fun, for the person who correctly guesses what alternate use this item has in my household, that person will also win a copy of my book. (No, no one person can win two copies. We want to spread the freebie goodness around here.) I will announce the winners next week at this time so everyone has a chance to play.

It should be noted that I personally am terrible at these sorts of games, which Kathy can attest to because I have left many a lame answer in her comments section over the years. I am also horrible about guessing how many items are in a jar, or how much change I have dropped on the floor because my purse wasn't closed, holding up the line and annoying the heck out of the people in line behind me.

Good luck!

There Goes the Galaxy Chapter One-- Now with More Talky-Soundy

Just because I thought it would be fun to try, I've done a reading of the first chapter of my novel There Goes the Galaxy-- complete with bad accents!

However, any bad accents you might hear in the paperback or ebook versions are solely the reader's responsibility.

Thank you.

The Comforting Cacophony of Infomercial Shouting

"And if you act now, you'll get twice the amount of shouting for your grouting FREE!
That's two times the number of decibels per ear than you'll find in stores!"

I was having the morning java and checking email messages when a sound in the background caught my attention.

It was an infomercial ad with a loud, gravelly-familiar voice that I knew Simply. Could. Not. Be.

Billy Mays?! But Mr. Mays has passed, leaving a void in the all-important Product Demonstration and Shouting niche market.

Sure, an Australian guy had tried for a while to sell us super-mops and shammies and made us aware of the deep, infiltrating inadequacy and safety issues of our dirty car headlight covers. But that guy didn't really know us, did he? He didn't really understand that we are unmotivated to remove pet stains on our carpet for a low price of $19.95 and even doubling our order if we act now, when the benefits are told to us in a bright Aussie accent.

No, we need a good old-fashioned American Man to shout at us with all the zeal of that uncle who dines on meat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. One who hugs all the kids in the family just a BIT too hard causing the occasional rib fracture, but only because it's done with love.

So when I looked up from my email, I was unsure what I would see. Had Billy Mays been cryogenically sealed in a vacuum-protected food preservation device that makes tomatoes and other produce last twice as long, just pay shipping and handling, and now he had returned to us?

Why no! This was a new Purveyor of Products. A fresh new face in As Seen On TV treasures!

Marc Gill is his name, he tells us, and while his head may be shinier than that of his predecessor, his style is eerily similar. Yes, Marc has come to save us from the Australians, from the ShamWow scandals, from not having tile grout that glows as brightly as Tom Cruise's teeth.

I realized then how great our loss had been. It had been at least a year since I had been shouted at regarding pipe drains and dirty sinks and whites that could be so much whiter. I had not been informed at great volumes how my clothes could all fit into a Ziploc sandwich bag to save more space.

But now, we have Marc Gill to fill the empty spaces that only jolly ear-bleeding vocal projection can soothe.

I sunk back into my chair, a sense of renewed peace washing over me, and looked at my coffee mug. Why, this mug wasn't travel-safe and impact resistant, able to take the force of a two-ton car running over it or a herd of water buffalo...

Ah, but it's all okay, isn't it? Because I know in a few months, our new friend Marc will undoubtedly have the answer. And I'll be sure to hear it, no matter where I am.