The Blogger Versus Non-Blogger Mind

March marked Of Cabbages and Kings' third bloggiversary. And attesting to either my increasing age, or the advanced age of the Cabbage, I forgot all about it.

I mainly see it as a lost opportunity for cake.

But it did get me thinking how, as humans, our whole perspective on life changes when we've been blogging a while-- particularly, when it's humor blogging. See, it's like this:

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"I shall go to a restaurant and eat this meal. If my food looks strange or unappetizing, it may reflect in the tip."

Blogger:

"Doesn't that pile of mashed potatoes look just like Corey Feldman's head? I must take a photo of it with the camera that I happen to have right here, and upload it to my blog, Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, and www.foodsthatlooklikecoreyshead.com."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"I am going on a road-trip with friends, where much merriment will be had."

Blogger:

"Here: you hold the steering wheel while I take a photo of that roadsign that reads 'Welcome to Bumpus. Home of the Marauding Chickens.' No, we won't swerve into that tractor trailer if you hold it steady. We have plenty of room... Plenty of room."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"That was the worst vacation I've ever been on. They lost my luggage, I got food poisoning, and my husband left me for a cabana boy named Paco."

Blogger:

"I think I'll write a post from the perspective of my lost luggage, since it got to see Thailand by way of Newark, and I always wanted to visit. Maybe it will bring me back some Pad SeeEw. Or a new husband."

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"It's the Halloween season. There will be pumpkins, candy, and fun for the kiddies."

Blogger:

"I need a Halloween post. I wonder if anyone's ever written a parody of The Night Before Christmas except using zombies and from the first person perspective of Shaun of the Dead?"

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

Now that I'm getting older, I find myself asking the important questions, like what is the meaning of life? And how can I raise good, productive children?

Blogger:

Now that I've seen Star Wars for the sixtieth time, I find myself wondering whether Darth Vader ever had a brainstorming session when he was naming the Death Star.

____________________________________________________________________

Non-Blogger:

"I have had this jingle in my head for the past three days."

Blogger:

"I may have had this jingle in my head for the past three days, but soon, through the Mighty Power of the Blog, I will not be alone. Oh no, I shall not be alone..."

____________________________________________________________________

Now here, my friends: have some cake!

Adorable cabbage cake photo from: http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1331783

Also... sing this:

Thanks! :) And surf safely out there.

Bloggy Birthdays and Sleeper Posts

When you get to a certain age, you start to forget things. Like where you put your denture cream. And why you weren't talking to Aunt Laverne for 30 years. And birthdays. Yeah, you block those babies right the heck outta there. It's for your own good.

Wednesday, Of Cabbages and Kings celebrated its second bloggy birthday. Bloggiversary. Anniversary of blogdom.

Whatever.

And I guess my mascot, Old King Cole Slaw, had to party without me, because I completely forgot about it. And when I did finally remember, my bud Kathy of The Junk Drawer promptly made me promise cake. So, if you were keeping score, that's Stomach: 1, Memory Skillz: Zip.

Anyway, I thought-- other than giving Kath an opportunity to stuff her face on sweets, what else should I share with you guys for this special (totally late) occasion?

With Cabbages being my youngest of two blogs, I've done a few different things over the years to celebrate. We've talked about Lessons Learned. We've done giveaways. We've even danced on the tables. (Deny it if you want, you know who you are.)

So this bloggy birthday, I thought I'd do something a little different. I've pulled a few posts from the archives that I don't think many of you might have gotten to see. Some of my favorite sleeper posts, if you will.

Because, hey, it's Friday. That calls for a little bit of levity! So if you need a break, pop by, put your feet up and check out one of these blasts from the past...

And have some virtual cake.
That is, if Kathy hasn't eaten it all already. :)

• The Day the PC Died (Song Parody with Apologies to Don McLean)
• T'was the Night Before Halloween- Plus Zombies (Shaun of the Dead Sequel Poem)
• The Office at the End of the Space-Time Continuum Correction Fluid Blob
• The New Facebook Simulated Maternal Nagging Feature
• The Injustice League Fights Anti-Injusticeness and Stuff
  

(Watercolor illustration above courtesy of my friend TJ who made that for me on my own birthday this last year. Thanks again, TJ!! You're a gem.)

Cabbages First Bloggiversary Bash and a Visit to New Jack Pity

They grow up so fast, don't they? One minute, they're just a little green sprout of a blog idea, full of possibility. And the next thing you know it, they're a full-fledged cabbage with a monarchy of their own.

Yep, Old King Cole Slaw and the land of Cabbages turns one year old today!

I'd like thank each of you good folks for your kind support, for visiting, for commenting, for making me laugh (you have no idea how much I appreciate that)-- and for going along with so much weirdness three times a week, I almost have the illusion I'm fit for sane society.

My therapist will say that's progress, I think. Y'know, once I let him out of the sub-basement.

And what did Old King Cole Slaw get for his bloggiversary you ask?

A new template re-design! Yup, the nifty new template you see today, done by DesignBug, is wider and more streamlined. It also has new navigation at the top of the page, so you can check out the latest News and Cabbages Favorites from the archives, as well as subscribe to posts or comments. I hope you like it!

I have to say, that while the last year of Cabbages has just flown by, this morning was not perhaps quite the way I'd wanted to start the new one.

I've had some intriguing plague for the past five days, which has helped me demonstrate cool physics concepts like how much sneeze power (force) is required to launch an aerodynamic menthol lozenge 50 feet...

And whether nasal congestion can be used as an inexpensive window caulking. (Possibly, but it will require more testing.)

Of course, not to be deterred from going to work, and taking care of the cycle of crisis inevitably waiting for me there, I piled in my car this morning, anyway. In spite of sickness, and high winds, and darkness. I am stupid that way.

And that is when my car started making the kind of clatter and roar that even my plugged-up ears could hear. Yep, as only as can happen when you're sick and old man March wants to tweak you just that much more, I had...

A flat tire.

Now, I know how to change a tire. But the thing is, I knew how to use the jack on my old car.

And this new jack seems to have been put together by the same people who create flatpack sawboard furniture in the Far East. Little buttons press in, but levers do not lift. There is this adorable little yellow tool that appears just ready and designed to remove something, which doesn't seem to be for the tire nuts and bolts. It's very cute, like Pikachu, but not as functional.

I spent a half hour in the dark and mist and wind this morning trying to figure this out. And either my brain failed me, or the instructions did.

So in addition to thanking all you guys, this year, for visiting-- I would also like to thank the guys at the extraordinarily well-placed automotive garage two blocks from where my car died. I drove around the corner, tire a-flopping, to unexpectedly spy their shining golden lights this morning, like a beacon of hope for a healthier Goodyear...

We plaguey folks get unnecessarily emotional sometimes.

So please-- help yourself to a nice big slice of bloggiversary cake. There are virtual chips and dip, and hot-wings and libations and all sorts of goodies. Turn on the tunes, pop that lampshade on the head, and let 'er roll!

Me, I'm going to have a nice cup of tea and some cough drops and nod off here in the corner for a while...

No, don't worry-- you won't bother me.

-----------------------------------------------
Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

In Honor of DrowseyMonkey's Bloggiversary

Today is DrowseyMonkey's first bloggiversary, and Olga the Traveling Bra has asked that all of Drowsey's friends share why we love Drowsey in a bit of an "online bloggy birthday extravaganza" for her.

Well, I wasn't going to miss an opportunity like this-- not for someone who has been as nice to me as Drowsey has. The trick was to come up with just the right thing to honor her special day. I mean, there are so many ways to go with it.

I thought I could produce a DrowseyMonkey Tribute Album. But I couldn't afford to hire her favorite singers like Carol King or James Taylor to do the numbers. And Stevie Ray Vaughn, well, he's kinda deceased. So I looked to another fave of hers, Earth Wind and Fire. Turns out, I could afford Earth, but Wind and Fire priced themselves way out of the market.

So I asked the guy who sings randomly on the street corner near my work if he was available. He's the one who pushes around an empty dollbaby carriage and has a teddybear strapped to his upper thigh with a bungee cord... He's got a good voice.

But, it seems he's booked on street corners now through November, and he just can't fit it into his schedule. The teddybear was available, he said, but I didn't feel comfortable with the bear's repertoire. It just didn't say "Drowsey" to me.

So that kiboshed that idea.

Then I thought, I could kidnap her mostest favoritest actor in the world, Vincent D'Onofrio, and send him to her by the post...


But having to spend time bailing me out of an American prison for stalking, kidnapping and assault charges on a celebrity, probably isn't on her list of "Things to To On My First Bloggy Birthday."

Fair enough.

So instead, I will simply tell you why I've become online friends with Drowsey.

Well, Drowsey and I have a lot in common. See our avatars? Here's Drowsey...

Here's me...


Notice Drowsey has a big ol' doll glued to her face, while I'm holding a Jane Austen bobblehead. It's our similar blog marketing tactics and desire to hide behind childish plastic things in public that got us merrily chatting in the first place.

Secondly, Drowsey and I have both been hit in the head with birds. Real birds. Actual-and-for-true flying feathered friends. Not just somebody flipping us off for being wise-guys. No, we both know the power and pain of a flying fowl against the cranial area. So, I think this is an important bond in online friendship.

Thirdly, she has made me laugh really hard, and out loud, to myself. On Twitter, chatting with her-- even with a restricted number of characters per quip-- well, it's a bit like sitting in a kitchen over tea (or, who am I kidding? margaritas) with old friends.

And on her blog, whether she's talking about her D'Onofrio fetish, her widget addiction, her willful old car, how her arms don't face the same direction everyone else's does, or humorous tales of things that go bump (or in this case "eo") in the night, well, it's always a joy to read.

So, Happy Bloggiversary, Drowsey! It's a pleasure to know you. Now go get yourself some Tim Horton's and enjoy that obscure Canadian holiday weekend you were telling us about.

And, remember, watch out for those birds.

--------------------------------------------
Vote for this post at Humor-blogs. Or, you know, just go see Drowsey and wish her a happy bloggiversary... a bloggy birthday... feliz blogidad... whatever...