Helpful Tips For When You're Blogging for One

What with that big orangey, fiery thing suddenly looming up there in the sky, and leafy polleny things popping up from the ground, this has served as the annual Spring Distraction of Weeding, Sunning and Sneezing, and blog buddies report traffic has taken a dip.

But never fear! Cabbages is here!-- to help bloggers with less traffic than a One-Horse Town continue to find the fun in blogging! How? With our innovative and tasty recipes for delightful self-delusion! Why not try one today?:

• Pretend you're actually addressing thousands per day, and the reason you don't have any traffic or comments is simply because there are so many people visiting at once the technology just can't process the data properly.

• Post and respond to spam commenters as if their non-sequiturs about male enhancement, nude photos, and the forum you don't actually have but which they're thanking you so politely for are actually relevant to your post. Send each of them a friendship e-card

• Comment in your own comment section, as you, responding to yourself. You will never be lonely. If you start becoming surprised at the answers, however: stop.

• This is a great time for experimentation! So try new blogging techniques no one has attempted yet. Like--since short posts are increasingly popular-- try posting just one or two words per blog entry and watch your post count triple in an instant! You may begin a whole new trend in blogging.

• See how many times you can use the word "meow" in a post before any of your friends become concerned. (Note: not applicable if your blog is related to cats... or you happen to be one.)
  

• Create a series of posts indicating your blog has been kidnapped and asking for ransom demands. Use different fonts and type partially in caps for true believability.
  

• Use this opportunity to showcase talents you might otherwise have hesitated in sharing online. Like scans of those Glamour Shots you had taken, or videos of that time you and your buddies did Karaoke. (C'mon, deep down you know your rendition of "Mandy" is a show-stopper... Why keep all of that audio gorgeousness to yourself? Your reader(s) deserve it)

Now, these tips were designed to just get you started. Here at Cabbages, we recognize there's a whole world out there of new ways to combat the crickets you hear in blogging lulls.

Want to share one of your own techniques? Just drop us a comment... or, if you've comfortably adjusted to your own company, feel free to comment to yourself in the comments field. We're always glad to hear from you... And you, too.