The Blogger Versus Non-Blogger Mind

March marked Of Cabbages and Kings' third bloggiversary. And attesting to either my increasing age, or the advanced age of the Cabbage, I forgot all about it.

I mainly see it as a lost opportunity for cake.

But it did get me thinking how, as humans, our whole perspective on life changes when we've been blogging a while-- particularly, when it's humor blogging. See, it's like this:

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Non-Blogger:

"I shall go to a restaurant and eat this meal. If my food looks strange or unappetizing, it may reflect in the tip."

Blogger:

"Doesn't that pile of mashed potatoes look just like Corey Feldman's head? I must take a photo of it with the camera that I happen to have right here, and upload it to my blog, Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, and www.foodsthatlooklikecoreyshead.com."

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Non-Blogger:

"I am going on a road-trip with friends, where much merriment will be had."

Blogger:

"Here: you hold the steering wheel while I take a photo of that roadsign that reads 'Welcome to Bumpus. Home of the Marauding Chickens.' No, we won't swerve into that tractor trailer if you hold it steady. We have plenty of room... Plenty of room."

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Non-Blogger:

"That was the worst vacation I've ever been on. They lost my luggage, I got food poisoning, and my husband left me for a cabana boy named Paco."

Blogger:

"I think I'll write a post from the perspective of my lost luggage, since it got to see Thailand by way of Newark, and I always wanted to visit. Maybe it will bring me back some Pad SeeEw. Or a new husband."

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Non-Blogger:

"It's the Halloween season. There will be pumpkins, candy, and fun for the kiddies."

Blogger:

"I need a Halloween post. I wonder if anyone's ever written a parody of The Night Before Christmas except using zombies and from the first person perspective of Shaun of the Dead?"

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Non-Blogger:

Now that I'm getting older, I find myself asking the important questions, like what is the meaning of life? And how can I raise good, productive children?

Blogger:

Now that I've seen Star Wars for the sixtieth time, I find myself wondering whether Darth Vader ever had a brainstorming session when he was naming the Death Star.

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Non-Blogger:

"I have had this jingle in my head for the past three days."

Blogger:

"I may have had this jingle in my head for the past three days, but soon, through the Mighty Power of the Blog, I will not be alone. Oh no, I shall not be alone..."

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Now here, my friends: have some cake!

Adorable cabbage cake photo from: http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1331783

Also... sing this:

Thanks! :) And surf safely out there.

Invasion of the Giant Earworms

"Don't turn around..."

...said the email subject in my Inbox from a very familiar address. It was a former coworker-- we'll call him Sid-- who's a good friend I hadn't heard from in a while, and one I really miss hanging out with.

Sid is the guy who always knew all the same stupid movie quotes I did, and always uncovered the best and weirdest websites. He introduced me to P.G. Wodehouse through books on CD. He was forever naming and renaming the band he played in. And he never, ever turned down the opportunity to go get a soft pretzel.

The rather paranoia-inspiring title of the email, though, made me promptly look over my shoulder with some bewilderment-- half-expecting to see Sid there text-messaging with a maniacal grin.

Or, you know, some Scream-inspired serial killer.

But there was neither. Just an empty doorway.

I turned back to my email, frowning, clicking the message open which went on to say:

"....Der Kommissar's in town."

And I cursed...

Ten points for Sid-- a goose-egg for the home team.

You see, not only is the 80s song, Der Kommissar, one of the most sly earworms out there on the planet, but for possibly six years now, Sid and I have been volleying this song back and forth in a music-oriented running joke/friendly competition.

I had let my guard down under the silly misapprehension that being separated by miles and employment would prevent the further passing of this nibbling Parasite o' Sound. But alas! Sid figured out the loophole...

Email.

There had been other songs, of course. "Copacabana," for one. "Istanbul, Constantinople" for another. And, why, once we even both suffered-- due to third-party involvement-- when one summer, a construction crew working on the building roof entreated us to an excruciating, whistling, three-measure repetition of the theme to "Annie."

Let me tell you, three weeks of eight-hour intervals of, "The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow..." whistled in a loop while some unseen worker worked-- well it was almost enough to put us all in Western Psychiatric.

But "Der Kommissar" was the big one. It would get so integrated into my head while I worked, that every time I'd open up a new Excel spreadsheet and my computer would make that "WHAP" noise, I'd even get a bit of a rhythm going.

Click-WHAP
Click-WHAP
Don't turnaround, uh-uh-no!
WHAP
Click-WHAP
Der komissar's in town, uh-uh-no!
WHAP
Click-WHAP

And now it's been officially running through my head for...(looking at the clock and calculating)... two days.

Even last night, as I rested my head on Der Pillow, "Der Kommissar" and Falco and "Jill and Joe and all my funky friends" were there, just singing away, happy as can be, while I told them all to shut up and go to sleep-- in both English AND German versions.

So, as Bugs Bunny would say, "You realize, this means war."

And unlike this week's practical joke on Kitty, I will bide my time. OH, how I will bide my time.

Because when it comes to sending out e-cards at Christmastime to my online friends, Santa Claus may very well be coming to town for some, but "Der Kommissar" is sure as heck coming down the chimney at Sid's house.

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Humor-blogs knows all the words to "Der Kommissar" but can't carry a tune in a bucket.