The Hoveround as Commuter Vehicle

I'd written about this once before as a joke (in "Is there a way to speed up my Hoveround Powerchair?") where a speed-crazed grandmother soups-up her powerchair and hits the motorways with the zealousness of a NASCAR winner.

But yesterday, in five o'clock rush hour traffic, I saw my post come to life. Yes, across Pittsburgh's busy East Carson Street, a white-haired lady in a high-powered electrified chair went off-sidewalk and out-of-the-box with determination and a dream, careening down our chaotic streets like Dale Earnhardt Junior himself was hot on her tires.

I was stopped at the light, so I got to see her make a lane for herself on a two-way street, navigating through several major intersections, startling motorists stopped at lights, who undoubtedly looked over to see an elderly lady's head even with their passenger window and levitating on by...

The sidewalks have just been replaced through this area and there are shiny new sloped curbs, made for just these sorts of assisting devices. But the lure of hitting the mean streets and reliving one's racing days must just be too much to resist.

How can you say no to the smell of the asphalt, the clouds of exhaust, and the wind through your hair when you have such power right there beneath you?

So, to this undaunted driver I say, please-- stay safe out there, lady. And hey-- get a helmet, would you? (Because I'd kinda like photos of that, too.) :)

How to Write a Thriller Movie Title

I've been digging into Netflix's thriller archives lately, and I've almost caught myself renting the same movie twice because the names are all so similar.

Which got me thinking, there's a formula to choosing an appropriate title for a thriller movie. Here's my idea:

Choose any single noun but make sure it's vague. These words seem to fall into a few categories...

Architectural. Choose a location that's in the house, a part of the house, an item in the house, or the house itself. But make sure it's only one word.  (You can use "the" if you absolutely must.) Have fun with it! Here are some off the top of my head:
  • The Corner
  • Gutter
  • The Eaves
  • Playroom
  • Hamper
  • Cupboard
  • Icebox
Notice how menacing simple things like a playroom or hamper can be when it's only one chilling word? It makes you think:
  • What happened in the playroom that whispers of secrets and creepy toys that aren't even Tickle-Me Elmo? 
  • Does the stench of death surrounding the hamper include more than just your husband's balled up socks from his IM baseball team?
Now try it with multiple words in the same genre, and you'll find you give away too much. You want to leave something to the imagination. So you can't do things like:
  • Time-Out Chair
  • Lumpy Sofa
  • Streaky Windows
  • Gunky Fridge
  • Attic of Too Many House Centipedes.
Actually, I take that back. Attic of Too Many House Centipedes is friggin' scary. Have you seen those things? They're like two-inch long Amtrak trains on a roundtrip schedule to scare the crap out of you. They keep cornering me in my bathroom.
In fact, now I think about it, I can't believe no one's used house centipedes as the main feature in a major horror flick. Freddy and Jason versus Centipedo. I wouldn't sleep for days. 

Neither would Freddie. (He can dish it out, but he can't take it.)

But I digress. Aside from selecting a one-word, centipede-free architectural element, you also can go with a -tion word. Try words like:
  • Distraction
  • Potion
  • Elevation
  • Intention
  • Dentition
(Come on, dentition can be scary! Would Steve Buscemi be the same after braces? Do you not feel a chill run down your spine when Gary Busey smiles?) 

You can also choose a title that's directional:
  • Fallen
  • Risen
  • The Plummet
  • Reverse
  • Mirror
  • Above
  • Follow
  • After
  • Skid
  • Fishtail
And you seem to be allowed to break the one-word rule as long as you include time and/or a number:
  • Two Minutes to Die
  • Five Days and Three Hours
  • 40 Miles Per Hour
  • Six Feet
  • 27 Toes
(Well, okay, 27 Toes might have to be about a girl in a '30s carnival freak show, but I still think it could work.)

So, tell me, using the system above, what's your new thriller movie title? Just whatever comes to mind, please. :)