Arnout Aben's Fleeing Circus

Is it a real news article or the next animated picture from Pixar? The Associated Press reported today that a number of animals broke out of a traveling Dutch circus, with the giraffe as the apparent ringleader.

The furry jail-breakers included:

• One giraffe
• 15 camels
• Two zebras and
• An "undetermined number of llamas and potbellied swine"

I like that the llamas and potbellied pigs were of an "undetermined number." Perhaps they kept swapping IDs and using false-nose disguises behind the backs of the local police.

Policeman: You with the mustache!....

Pig#1: Me?

Policeman: Weren't you standing over there before?

Pig #1: No, no, that wasn't me. That was Charlie.

Policeman: And weren't there SEVEN pigs? Where are the rest of you? I count one... two... Stop moving around!

Pig #1: Seven? Why, no, officer. I don't know what you're talking about. (Psst, Charlie- your turn again with the mustache!)

Policeman (muttering): Lying swine.

Just imagine the lineup!

Anyway, according to the article, the giraffe kicked a hole in their cage, and the menagerie decided to hit the town, wandering through a local neighborhood at 5:30am.

Police spokesman Arnout Aben is quoted as saying, "You have to imagine somebody rubbing his eyes first thing in the morning and saying, 'Am I seeing things or is that 15 camels walking past?'"

Prior to proper caffeination, I doubt I'd even question a quantity of camels if they came by my window. I have put the creamer away in the kitchen cabinet. I've left my home wearing two different socks. Just this morning, I found myself in a situation where I had three contact lenses...

Impromptu circuses only mean I'm still working on Cup of Coffee #1.

But really-- to me, this news story sort just sounded like the beginning to a joke. So here goes:

A giraffe, 15 Bactrian camels, two zebras, five llamas and three pot belly pigs walk into a bar.

The giraffe says to the bartender, "We'll have 15 very dry double martinis, two black and tans, five Mountain Dews, three Wild Pig chardonnays and pour me a beer."

"You want that beer long-necked or on-tap?" asked the bartender.

The giraffe rolls his eyes. "What do you think?"

Goodnight, folks! I'll be here all week. Enjoy the veggie plate. :)

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At Humor-Blogs the animals always run free.

More Monkeying Around at the Zoo

Hi-- meet my Uncle Lou. This is him, just about asleep in the chair in front of the TV, after Thanksgiving dinner... Boy, can that fellow put the candied yams AWAY.

Okay, yes, I am kidding you. This is not my Uncle Lou.... This is Uncle HENRY. They just look a lot alike.

Henry is always the one with the red nostrils.

But we're not here today to talk about my relatives. We're here to commune with the beauty of nature. (Read: put silly captions to zoo photos.) So let's get started.

Picture it, we're deep in the heart of Africa, and the lion and his mate have settled down for a long, restful sleep...


"GASP! Leo, are you awake? I heard something. I think there's a burglar..."



(Sigh) "Lena, fer Pete's sake, we go through this every single day... FINE. I'll go check it out."...



"When the zebra fell over dead, its fellow zoo inhabitants were none too surprised. He'd always been the type for dramatic exits..."



"Hi! Have you seen Nemo? Maybe he went this way..."



Meet the next America's Top Model...



"Shhh, don't look now, but don't you think Bambi seems to be putting on a lot of weight lately?... And just LOOK at what she's done to her hooves..."



"Hi- I'm looking for a clownfish. He's orange..."



"I'm here, Dory."



"...And small..."


"HERE, Dory..."


"And he has stripes..."



"I'M HERE!!!!"


"Nevermind, maybe he went this way..."



"Snowflake was all set to win the first official Polar Bear Mavericks of Surf Competition..."


"Until another surfer struck him in the back of the kneecap..."



"Sweetie, come BACK here. You have a little schmutz. Let me just get that..."

• Oh, while I remember, for those who missed Part One of the Zoo photos, click here.

• For those who missed this week's tale of clown fear, red lightbulbs and why Poltergeist seems to have scarred an entire generation, click here.

• And for anyone curious to check out some unexpected celebrity lookalikes, you might get a chuckle here.

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Lions and tigers and Humor-blogs, oh my!

It's All Happening at the Zoo

Someone told me it's all happening at the zoo. I think it was those Simon and Garfunkel guys.

So I took their advice and went to the Pittsburgh Zoo last weekend. Not just because they said it was a gas, but because it was the only place in the city I could go without road construction. Seriously, this town is more dug up than King Tut's tomb.

I figured, a relaxing day of being run over by double-wide, off-road baby strollers--- er, communing with the Beauty of Nature, rather-- would be good for the soul.

I also thought, hey, animals are funny. And if I got any funny shots of animals doing entertaining things, why, I'd have a post ready-made. I mean, I Can Has Cheezburger has made a whole career of that sort of thing, and those cats can't even spell!

What I learned from the experience was that:

• Babies hoisted onto their parents shoulders do not so much care about the African Spotted Leopard, no matter how much you point it out. But they sure can kick a person in the head and...

• Zoo animals also don't always respond the way we hope, and this is why we need to forgive the LOLCats for their spelling and grammatical idiosynchrasies.

As proven by this, the mighty rhino...


This was the view he provided, and I can hardly blame him, really. If people were standing there gawking at ME every day, I would likely do the same thing-- although his butt is in better shape than mine, so he has extra incentive.

I waited a few more minutes to see if he'd change his mind about his viewing public, but he was firm in his statement. So I took the shot and moved on...

To the elephants!


Okay, so, yes, the elephants were of a similar opinion. They'd probably been talking to the neighboring rhinos. News travels fast here at the Zoo. So I took the obligatory photos, thanked them for their time, and moved along to the bears...


Um... okay, well, the bears were... um, probably waiting for feeding time or something... So here!-- Here is an off-season reindeer!...



Okay, reindeer's a no-go? (Maybe he's just embarrassed about that shiny nose. Understandable.) Then, the llamas. Llamas have such long eyelashes and sweet faces and...


Er, how about the meerkats? Meerkats are full of energy, and fun, and hakuna matata and whatnot and...


Er, guys? Fellas? Timon?... Hey, um...

Well, at least the zebra is usually cool to see.


Mr. Peacock, wait!...


Mrs. Peacock?... Oh, come ON! Now, this is just getting ridiculous!...


Heh-- okay, you guys found me out-- I'm just rattling your cage. I'll be back in my next post with the REAL photos. :)


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So, if it's really NOT all happening at the zoo, maybe it's happening at Humor-blogs.