Of Cabbages and Kings: career test

In these tough economic times, many people are making ends meet by taking multiple jobs or shifting careers.

But do you know the one innovative industry that is impervious to market ups and downs?

Have you investigated the one area which continues to thrive, offering a surprisingly wide array of exciting careers for the self-starting go-getter?

Have you looked into the only occupation where all you need is determination, an email account and a good old-fashioned lack of ethics and boundaries?

Yes, you can enjoy a lucrative and adventurous career in the Spam Industry!

But how do you know what type of Spamming would be right for you? Just take this quick and insightful quiz from the Clogg & Cheetham Institute for Artful Spamming Technology.

At Clogg & Cheetham, in just six weeks, you'll be trained in the Spamming area of your choice, by a Certified Spam Consultant. In no time, you'll be meeting new people by blocking up Inboxes, selling the goods you know people really want but are too afraid to ask for, and offering Network Administrators real job security by the constant influx of new mass-mailed messaging.

Don't wait! Find out what kind of Spamming is right for you, and soon you'll be on your way to a profitable new career-- without ever having to leave your home.

Start the quiz now!

1.) In social situations, like a party, you tend to:
a.) Find a topic you enjoy discussing and examine it from every angle for the duration of the party to anyone within earshot
b.) Use it as an opportunity to discuss the political challenges facing your beautiful yet hopelessly corrupt Nigerian nation
c.) Let loose with whatever stream of consciousness comes to mind.
d.) Change the topic to whatever you had planned, regardless of context

2.) In your spare time, you like to:
a.) Stalk celebrities, take photos of them in compromising positions and post them online
b.) Spend time visiting relatives, who have been wrongly imprisioned due to their noble political aspirations
c.) Read snippets of novels and news articles. While you get bored after a few paragraphs, you feel this keeps you up on the latest literature and current events.
d.) Sell, sell, sell. There is never spare time for you. Money does not grow on trees, you know.

3.) If you had a personal motto, it would be:
a.) I like Paris Hilton in the springtime. I like Paris Hilton in the Fall.
b.) For just the cost of a cup of coffee, you could help one imprisioned member of the Nigerian Royal Family buy his way to a brighter future
c.) It was the best of times, it was call me Ishmael.
d.) A sucker's born every minute.

Congratulations! You have completed the Clogg & Cheetham Institute for Artful Spamming Technology Career Quiz. Now let's learn what the right spamming career track would be for you!

If you chose mostly a.) then you won't want to miss our Celebrity Spam major. Whether it's Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian or any of our other beautiful and talented phenoms of the Hollywood and social scene, you will share the latest news, insights and birthday suit photos over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in blog comments, on forums, and so, so much more.

If you chose mostly b.) then our Someday My Prince Will Come spam major is the metaphorical glass slipper for your career foot. This is your opportunity to help out the less fortunate royalty deposed and neglected in third-world nations-- and to meet great new people with big hearts and even bigger bank accounts!

If you chose mostly c.) then you might be the right fit for our Literary OCD/Stream of Consciousness spam track. It's the perfect opportunity to learn a little bit of everything, while never burdening your brain with too much information.

And if you chose mostly d.) you are the perfect candidate for our Soulless Sociopathic Special program. You'd take pennies from the sticky hands of daycare kids. You'd bleed your own grandmother dry and not even blink an eye. Yes, you have what it takes to sell products that don't exist to people who don't have the money to pay for them. You have a wide world of opportunity ahead of you! The sky's the limit!

So whether you're an A, a B, a C, or a D, you're all winners at Clogg & Cheatham. Find your new rewarding career with us--- Apply today!

In this tough economy, downsizing and industry shake-ups mean people are making career switches like never before.

But at Of Cabbages and Kings, we're here to help. So we've designed a simple quiz you can take, to assess your personality and guide you to the job you'd always dreamed of! (If that job is among the slim amount of choices we've predetermined based on our completely non-scientific series of questions and the fact that we're also pulling your general lower calf region. )

Let's get to it, then!

1.) In the morning, when responsibilities await me, I tend to:

a.) Get up and get 'er done
b.) Lie around for a few hours in bed, or possibly a farmer's field, and contemplate the meaning of responsibilities and whether they're socially-constructed
c.) Delegate the responsibility to someone else who'll get up and get 'er done. What do I have these people for, anyway?

2.) When life hands me lemons, I usually:

a.) Make a refreshing and lightly-tart iced beverage from them
b.) Wonder where those lemons came from and why anyone would plant a lemon tree here
c.) Wonder why no one's put them to good use yet, ring for service and lecture that person on the shameless lemon waste in society these days. Then insist on them making me a nice tall, cool glass o' lemony goodness.

3.) If I were to describe my greatest strengths, I would say they are:

a.) Loyalty, problem-solving and strong work ethics
b.) Ability to sit still for hours at a time and not wilt. Also ability to work closely with pork
c.) My keen sense of self-preservation, I look great on a jewel-encrusted chair and I always know who to hire to taste my food for me, even though that particular position tends to be a revolving door, the losers.

4.) If I were to describe my greatest weaknesses, I would say they are:

a.) The fact that I'm likely to be unemployed/am unemployed now
b.) I tend to get a bit gassy
c.) I have no weaknesses, and even if I do, we'll just see what my hired spin doctors have to say about it!

5.) If I have some free time, I like to spend it:

a.) With family, watching films/television, playing sports or reading
b.) Basking in the sun. Or rain. Or hail. Or whatever. I don't leave home much unless someone makes me.
c.) Counting the heads on pikes outside my window, or possibly doing the backstroke in my treasure room

6.) When I deal with other people, I would consider myself:

a.) Pretty outgoing, but with moments of reserve
b.) I keep to myself. Even in a row of others like me. I'm basically very quiet. Largely, because I'm introspective. But also because I have a head, but no mouth.
c.) A person of the people, absolutely. Easy-going. Magnanimous. Beloved. Warm. Kind-hearted. Sympathetic. Unless they annoy me, in which case, they had better not if they know what's bloody-well good for them.

7.) If I went on vacation, I would like to go:

a.) To the beach, or maybe the mountains, but I'm on a budget
b.) What's wrong with it right here? Here's nice. I have roots here. Haven't you heard of a staycation, dude?
c.) My summer palace. Or my winter palace. Or maybe just the far left wing of this place, since I've never actually been over there. I hear it's nice.

Congratulations! You completed the Of Cabbages and Kings Career Test!
Now, let's find out what the right career for you might be!

Simply tally up your total points according to the following chart:

If you answered "a.," receive 1 point
If you answered "b.," receive 2 points
If you answered "c.," receive 3 points

If your score is 15 to 21-- You are a King, or some other form of royalty. Pursuing work is so below you, unless you can find yourself an out-of-work army looking to help you take over an already-floundering country, a royal seeking a significant other on eMonarchy.com or a C-level position in the banking industry where they might not notice the difference.

If your score is 12 to 14-- You are a Cabbage. You have your fans, but it's only because they understand your extremely subdued, low-key lifestyle. You don't have many on-the-job skills, but that doesn't really bother you. You're a loner who enjoys sitting, sunbathing and contemplating existential philosophy. Consider a career as a poet, a paperweight, or see if you can get adopted by a King.

If your score is 7 to 11-- You are one of the millions of regular-Joe drones in the work force, and probably have been downsized so some King or Cabbage could have your job and get absolutely nothing done. What career is right for you? How should I know? I'm a regular-Joe drone, too. So take what you can get. And good luck out there!

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