The Final Showdown: Influ Enzo versus... well... Somebody

On Friday, when we last left the two-dimensional city of BurghTown, it was being taken over by that Sultan of Sickness... that Demon of Disease... BurghTown's Number One Crime Boss, Influ Enzo.

But where was BurghTown's B-level protector Back-up Girl, you ask?

Why, she had troubles of her own!

So Mayor Skippy sent his Deputy Mayor to the last resort-- the Last Resort Karaoke Bar and Grill, that is-- in search for some backup for the fallen backup super-heroine.
Superheroes love nothing better than half-off nachos day!

And that's when the Deputy Mayor came across the perfect choice for Back-up Girl's backup. Captain Cassette: BurghTown's former backup to the A-level heroes, circa 1984!

Captain Cassette might be warped a little here and stretched thin a bit there. But overall he's as in-shape and sharp as he was when his favorite band, Devo, was on the charts!

And once he hears about Influ Enzo's reign of terror-- and the nachos and Jell-O shots wear off -- he's ready take on this Viral Villain and whip him--

Whip him good.

But what's this?! Captain Cassette's Magnetic Strength is doing absolutely nothing in the face of Influ Enzo!

Could it be that, for treating an illness like Influ Enzo's, magnet therapy simply doesn't work?!

Great Polka-Dotted Pandemics!, whatever will BurghTown do now?

Well, it looks like it's time to call in the next choice of available heroes... Third Banana, Super Sidekick!...
The Deputy Mayor appeals to Third Banana for help. But Third Banana isn't so sure. Why didn't the town come to him first?

He knows martial arts! He's worked with heroes all his life! He even wrote his own theme song! Is it because humans tend to think monkeys are unreliable, is that it? Is it some deep and inherent Monkey Prejudice?

Well, fine. He says he'll do it. But BurghTown will see. You just can't monkey around with peoples' feelings.

And so he tracks down Influ Enzo, who is enjoying the view of BurghTown's newly smogged skyline. And the Simian Sidekick makes with the Chim Pan-Zee style martial arts!

But in spite of kick after kick-- it's just no banana. Influ Enzo will simply not stay down.

Can nothing and no one strike Influ Enzo where it hurts?!

Meanwhile, back at Back-up Girl's super-secret third floor headquarters on Main Street...

Back-up Girl has struggled out of bed and made a very important phone call. She knows only one hero can truly take down Influ Enzo and his gang.

It's just a matter of his trawler getting in range for mobile phone reception.

Yes, that's right-- it's Gorton, the Anti-Virus Fisherman! Gorton comes complete with an antivirus utility belt, AntiPhishing Fishing Rod, and plenty of containment bags to put an end to Influ Enzo's evil-doings.

When you have Influ Enzo, Gorton Anti-Virus is just the one you need to make it right!

Influ Enzo has been bagged and snagged...

Yet, as the pea-green virus begins to clear, the citizens of BurghTown see something unexpected in the sky...

Surely, Lady Liberty, BurghTown's A-list superhero hasn't finally found her Invisible SmartCar?

No! It's Back-Up Girl!...

She's perfectly 100% well again, and sporting a really interesting new non-copyright infringing makeover!

Back-up Girl, we hardly knew ya!


Yes, the City of BurghTown has been saved! All thanks to the hero who backed up the hero, who backed up the hero, who backed up the hero, who backed up ...

Gorton the Anti-Virus Fisherman...

Oh. And Back-up Girl.

-----------------------------------------
Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Signs Your Evil Overlord Business is Being Hurt by the Economy

So you say you have an Evil Empire. Well, the economy's affecting everyone these days and sometimes even the best-laid plans for iron-fisted world domination and mass enslavement aren't enough.

The key is recognizing just when your nefarious power loses that special zip. So to help you along, we at Cabbages wanted to share just a few signs your Dark Overlord gig might be taking a hit from cutbacks.

• You had plans to hold the world hostage with a giant laser. But your Evil Purchasing Department gave you a laser light pen and a Powerpoint projector.

• Your Death Star is part of a Sheriff's Sale, being bid on by developers. Of eco-friendly condos.

• To offset the cost of your Killer Shark Tank, you renamed it "ScaryBiteyFishWorld," wrote up some educational signage and charge admission to tourists during evil off-hours.

• You've had to trade your black custom supercar with the rockets for something with better gas mileage. Yet you sense a loss of respect each time you alight from the used beige Camry with the "honor student" bumper sticker.

• You've had to sell your remote secret hideout in the volcanic island and move to more economical digs. But your minions complain they can't be effectively evil working from cubes in an office park next to TGIFriday's. Morale is down.

• Your taunting conference calls to your goody-two-shoes Arch-Nemesis are interrupted because your pre-paid phone card has run out again.

• Your expensive exotic cat died. It has been replaced by what you insist is a "violent goldfish with a black soul." You suspect no one is buying it.

• Elaborate torture devices are now being cleverly-crafted from leftover flat-pack pieces from the IKEA clearance area.

• Your personal anti-gravity helicopter has been repossessed, so you hijack the local helicopter tour each time there's high-speed chase scene. You charge the tourists $10 a piece for the privilege.

• Your mass hypnotism ray has been exchanged for a more personalized technique, involving a dangling watch and instructions to cluck like a chicken. Though this method will take somewhat longer, you assure everyone the final results are what matters.

So... anything else to help an effective super-villain identify his economic sticking points during this frustrating financial crisis? I'd love to hear 'em!

-----------------------------
Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs