The Final Showdown: Influ Enzo versus... well... Somebody

On Friday, when we last left the two-dimensional city of BurghTown, it was being taken over by that Sultan of Sickness... that Demon of Disease... BurghTown's Number One Crime Boss, Influ Enzo.

But where was BurghTown's B-level protector Back-up Girl, you ask?

Why, she had troubles of her own!

So Mayor Skippy sent his Deputy Mayor to the last resort-- the Last Resort Karaoke Bar and Grill, that is-- in search for some backup for the fallen backup super-heroine.
Superheroes love nothing better than half-off nachos day!

And that's when the Deputy Mayor came across the perfect choice for Back-up Girl's backup. Captain Cassette: BurghTown's former backup to the A-level heroes, circa 1984!

Captain Cassette might be warped a little here and stretched thin a bit there. But overall he's as in-shape and sharp as he was when his favorite band, Devo, was on the charts!

And once he hears about Influ Enzo's reign of terror-- and the nachos and Jell-O shots wear off -- he's ready take on this Viral Villain and whip him--

Whip him good.

But what's this?! Captain Cassette's Magnetic Strength is doing absolutely nothing in the face of Influ Enzo!

Could it be that, for treating an illness like Influ Enzo's, magnet therapy simply doesn't work?!

Great Polka-Dotted Pandemics!, whatever will BurghTown do now?

Well, it looks like it's time to call in the next choice of available heroes... Third Banana, Super Sidekick!...
The Deputy Mayor appeals to Third Banana for help. But Third Banana isn't so sure. Why didn't the town come to him first?

He knows martial arts! He's worked with heroes all his life! He even wrote his own theme song! Is it because humans tend to think monkeys are unreliable, is that it? Is it some deep and inherent Monkey Prejudice?

Well, fine. He says he'll do it. But BurghTown will see. You just can't monkey around with peoples' feelings.

And so he tracks down Influ Enzo, who is enjoying the view of BurghTown's newly smogged skyline. And the Simian Sidekick makes with the Chim Pan-Zee style martial arts!

But in spite of kick after kick-- it's just no banana. Influ Enzo will simply not stay down.

Can nothing and no one strike Influ Enzo where it hurts?!

Meanwhile, back at Back-up Girl's super-secret third floor headquarters on Main Street...

Back-up Girl has struggled out of bed and made a very important phone call. She knows only one hero can truly take down Influ Enzo and his gang.

It's just a matter of his trawler getting in range for mobile phone reception.

Yes, that's right-- it's Gorton, the Anti-Virus Fisherman! Gorton comes complete with an antivirus utility belt, AntiPhishing Fishing Rod, and plenty of containment bags to put an end to Influ Enzo's evil-doings.

When you have Influ Enzo, Gorton Anti-Virus is just the one you need to make it right!

Influ Enzo has been bagged and snagged...

Yet, as the pea-green virus begins to clear, the citizens of BurghTown see something unexpected in the sky...

Surely, Lady Liberty, BurghTown's A-list superhero hasn't finally found her Invisible SmartCar?

No! It's Back-Up Girl!...

She's perfectly 100% well again, and sporting a really interesting new non-copyright infringing makeover!

Back-up Girl, we hardly knew ya!


Yes, the City of BurghTown has been saved! All thanks to the hero who backed up the hero, who backed up the hero, who backed up the hero, who backed up ...

Gorton the Anti-Virus Fisherman...

Oh. And Back-up Girl.

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Doodle Week- or- The Further Adventures of Back-up Girl

To help celebrate my friend Claire's latest Doodle Week, I thought it might be fun if our buddy "Back-up Girl," from the other day's post (Back-up Girl Takes on Captain Anonymous), flew in for the "Doodle Air" theme day.

As you may or may not know, Back-up Girl is BurghTown's resident marketing superhero. When other marketers are unavailable to fight the Dark Forces of Corporate Silliness due to disinterest... incompetence....sickness.... or actual personal lives, Back-up Girl is there!

Sweeping in, she uses her Super Follow-up Skills and her Red Editing Pen of Justice, to save the project!

Today, we find the Red Phone ringing at Back-up Girl's Super Secret Marketing Headquarters, located at 200 Main Street, Third Floor in BurghTown... Also found in the Yellow Pages and on Google via satellite...


Back-up Girl picks up the receiver. "Hello? Back-up Girl here. What seems to be the trouble?"

A child's scared voice quavers over the line. "It's Mayor Skippy, Back-up Girl!"

"Mayor Skippy?" Back-up Girl frowns and looks at her desk clock. "It's 8 o'clock at night. Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"It is and it's making me cranky. But there's no time for that now. This is an emergency! Miss Management has been taking over marketing campaigns all over town!"

Back-up Girl gasps. "Miss Management! Oh NO!"

"It seems she encouraged one of BurghTown's major advertisers to launch a billboard marketing campaign that is definitely not 'Rated for General Audiences' -- and the billboards are offending people all over the city!"

"That's terrible!" Back-up Girl says. "What are the billboards of, exactly?"

"I don't know," Mayor Skippy sighs, "my mommy won't let the Deputy Mayor show them to me. But I hear they're really bad. That's why we called you."

"Understood!" says Back-up Girl. "I'm on my--"

"Because, you know, the billboard people aren't answering their phones."

"Okay, then. I'm on my--"

"And our city PR rep is on his honeymoon."

"I hope he'll be very happy. I'm on my--"

"And I called the marketing company who designed the ads, but they all really kinda don't feel like taking the ads down right now..."

"All righty, then, Mayor Skippy, I'm on my--"

"And we all know you don't actually have a family or, gosh, even a DOG who might miss you... so we figured you'd probably wouldn't be doing anything tonight, anyway, other than drinking wine coolers and watching re-runs of Monk and--"

Back-up Girl grits her teeth and takes a deep breath. "Er, Mayor Skippy? I hate to interrupt you, Sir, but--"

"Yes?"

"I'm on my way!"


Meanwhile... in the historic center of BurghTown..

Miss Management is doing end-zone dances over the success of her most recent nefarious project.

"HAHAHA! I have changed all of the city's billboards to a campaign for my client that is so racy... so over-the-top... so mind-numbingly stupid and so fingernails-on-chalkboard offensive, even Girls Gone Wild, Gary Glitter, life-long porn stars and Courtney Love will be calling in to complain about it!"

Miss Management's lips part in a smile that reveals she has lipstick on her teeth.

"By the time I am done with this city, everyone in BurghTown will have my client's messaging burned indelibly in their minds-- forever! HAHAHAHAHA!!"


"Not so fast, Miss Management!" says a determined voice.

"Back-up Girl! You!... But I thought a Monk marathon was on tonight!"

"The continual battle against tasteless marketing ideas never stops, Miss Management!... Anyway, Monk would want it this way. I'm going to clean up this town."

"Oh, really?" Miss Management asks, with a narrow gaze behind her high-fashion spectacles. "Well, we'll just see about that."

(GASP!) Look! An electric bolt is shooting from Miss Management's evil Power Tie!

Watch out, Back-up Girl!


Phew! A near miss!

"You'll never stop me, Back-up Girl! I have my hand in businesses all over BurghTown!" Miss Management laughs. "Wherever you find catch phrases that don't make any sense...

"Or ads selling jeans without a single pair of jeans in the picture....

"Wherever you find typos on banner ads... Or badly mixed metaphors....

"Or billboards advertising events that ended MONTHS before...

"Whenever you get courtesy calls that interrupt your dinner...

"Or multiple copies of the same flier stuffed in your mailbox...

"I am there! You can't get rid of me, Back-up Girl. I am all around you."

"Maybe so," Back-up Girl says. "But I can take care of this offensive campaign!"

Miss Management laughs heartily. "How? The client wanted something that would grab the attention-- and I've given it to them!"

"I'll tell you how. Through something that's even more powerful than your cheap publicity tactics, Miss Management! Good old-fashioned quality writing!"

And with this, Back-up Girl brings out the red editing pen of justice.

Going from billboard to billboard, she battles with wording...

Struggles with unruly themes...

Gets knocked out by some powerful cliches...

But rallies under the cloak of a giant brainstorm.

"Okay, Back-up Girl," Miss Management sneers. "You might have won this one. But I won't be down for long. And just you wait...

"The Presidential Elections are coming up, and the candidates need a fine ad woman with an aesthetic just like mine. So why am I waiting around this hick town? I'm off to DC!"


Will America soon see political campaign ads offensive enough to make candidates need a good cry in private?

Will Mayor Skippy finally get to sleep-- once his Deputy Mayor gets him a drink of water and tucks him in?

Will Back-up Girl finally get to finish her Monk marathon and her wine spritzer?

Stay tuned, for the next thoroughly-punctuated adventure of Back-up Girl.

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