Sorry, Dolly-- 9 to 5 Star Wars Parody Spoof from Stormtrooper Perspective

Someone on G+ had posted the graphic above, and it got me feeling musical all over. So I couldn't help but try my hand at the song this image so desperately wanted to be paired with.

Please do not crush my trachea with your mind because of it. I need my trachea. It's been so good to me.

Tumble out of bed and you stumble to Cantina
Get yourself a bowl of farina and--
Look, it's laser fire!-- you'd better dive!

Jump in formation and your blood starts pumping
Darth looks your way and your heart starts jumping
When Friday comes you hope you're still alive...


Chorus: 

Hope you're still alive
What a way to earn some space cash
Barely getting by
When there's not much rebel backlash
Want to march ahead
But ol' Darth won't recognize you
Dressed in uniform like all the guys do...

Well, you'd try lead but your neck might shatter

You're just one point in the Dark Side's data

But you've got schemes; those droids can't get away

You're in the same troop as a lot of your friends

Just a-waiting for an escape pod to retirement

But the tractor beam's on and it's all gonna tow you away

Chorus: 

Hope you're still alive
What a way to earn some space cash
Barely getting by
When there's not much rebel backlash
Want to march ahead
But ol' Darth won't recognize you
Dressed in uniform like all the guys do...

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Surfin' Alpaca (Sorry, Beach Boys- SOMEONE Had To)

I hit the news site expecting to hear about Rivers of Blood, 100 years of darkness, boiling seas and a severe locust surplus. And that was just bracing for the Opinion section.

But instead-- there in a moment of joy, whimsy and "what-in-the-name-of-Jack-Hanna-is-that?" was a photo of Peruvian surfer Domingo Pianezzi, hitting the waves with his talented surf amigo, Pisco the Alpaca.

Yes, that's right: alpaca. One of those cute, fluffy, sheeply, llama-ish, mini-camelesque fellows we see in craft stores sometimes hocking their luxurious, wearable locks as yarn. See Pisco here needing quality time under a blow-dryer.

In an instant, a song popped into my head. The Beach Boys, singing Surfin' Safari. But the words... Oh, how the words had changed...

Sing with me now.

Surfin' Alpaca


Let's go surfin' now
Pisco’s gonna show us how
Surf with an alpaca or three
(Surf with an alpaca or...)

Early in the morning on San Bartolo
See a strange form shootin’ the curl
He’s the free-stylin’ honcho
You can make into a poncho
And a great way to meet girls

Come on (two-toes) baby, come and see (surfin' alpaca)
This alpaca (cute nose) surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me
Come along (he spits) baby, wanna see (surfin' alpaca)
Ramma-llama (no shit!) out there surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me

Let's go surfin' now
Flip yer camelid, and how!
Surf with an alpaca or three
(Surf with an alpaca or...)

All around a-Lima, well, they come for miles
Just to see him catching the waves
And to make things even better
He can even be your sweater
At fiestas he’s a fave

Come on (too cool) baby, come and see (surfin' alpaca)
This alpaca (wet wool) surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me
Come along (he spits) baby, wanna see (surfin' alpaca)
Ramma-llama (no shit!) out there surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me

Let's go surfin' now
Flip yer camelid, and how!
Surf with an alpaca or three
(Surf with an alpaca or...)

There’s mania in Mancora:, in Pacasmayo
They’re open-mouthed in Organos, too
So go and tell it to your mama
That he’s really not a llama
He’s a camelid from Peru

Come on (soft fleece) baby, come and see (surfin' alpaca)
This alpaca (sharp teeth) surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me
Come along (he spits) baby, wanna see (surfin' alpaca)
Ramma-llama (no shit!) out there surfin' (surfin' alpaca) with me

Let's go surfin' now
Pisco’s gonna show us how
Surf with an alpaca or three
(Surf with an alpaca or...)

Three
(Surfin' Alpaca)
With me
(Surfin' Alpaca)
Three
(Surfin' Alpaca)
Yeah me
(Surfin' Alpaca)
With me


"That alpaca dude is, like, totally shorn to surf, man!"


(And yes, it IS Friday.... why do you ask? :) )

The Day The PC Died: With Apologies to Don McLean

Something must be in the water. Or the air. Or rotting along the Internet Highway. Because PC crashes and Internet access problems this week seem to be mysteriously rampant among my online friends.

So to console the folks who've been dealing with this Earth-shattering lack of connectivity lately, I was inspired to write a little song. It's done to the tune of "The Day the Music Died," so before we leap right into it, I'd like to send many, many apologies to Don McLean.

Many.

Oh, so many.

Okay, that said, here we go:


The Day the PC Died


(VERSE ONE)

Just late last week or so
I can still remember how the Web, it used to make me smile
And I knew if I could log-on
I'd have readers saying, "blog on!"
And maybe they would Follow for a while
But I pushed the button, and I shivered
The silence, how it made me quiver
Virus, maybe malware?
The screen, it gave a blank stare
I can't remember if I cried
When I powered up and it just sighed
The loss, I felt it deep inside
The day the PC died

(REFRAIN)

So, bye-bye Tweets from good Stephen Fry
Took my PC to the GeekSquad and they said they would try
While great new toys for Wii were waving goodbye, saying,
Chin up, dude, you're starting to cry
Chin up, dude, there's no need to cry


(VERSE TWO)

Do you hold PCs aloft?
And do you have faith in Microsoft
Because Bill Gates has told you so?
Do you believe in service fees
Can virus scans save our PCs?
And can you teach the clever tricks you know?
Well, I see that you charge by the hour
I found the rates there at the counter
It's so much cash to lose
But withdrawal makes me sing the blues
I am a lonely, Tweeting, blogging Stumbler
With my sleek workstation I made my fumble
Then I saw my Web world crumble
The day the PC died
I started singin'


(REFRAIN)

Bye-bye Tweets from good Stephen Fry
Took my PC to the GeekSquad and they said they would try
While great new toys for Wii were waving goodbye, saying,
Chin up, dude, you're starting cry...
Chin up, dude, there's no need to cry...


(VERSE THREE)

Now for four days I've been on my own
I have a laptop, it's on loan
But it's just not the same to me
When I log-on, the apps don't know my name
And the forums they don't look the same
And my fingers tend to hit wrong keys
And while I waited for that phone call
To say it's fixed and here's the last bill
Trouble's new direction
Zapped my whole connection
Yes, seems some jerk in a Corvette Shark
Hit a power line outside our office park
We sang dirges in the dark
The day the PCs died
We were singin'

(REFRAIN)

Bye-bye Tweets from good Stephen Fry
Took our PCs to the GeekSquad and they said they would try
While great new toys for Wii were waving goodbye, saying,
Chin up, dudes, you're starting to cry
Chin up, dudes, there's no need to cry


Everybody sing!
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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs
Bloggerella

Celebrating Doodle Week: Doodle Evil

In honor of Claire's DoodleWeek, I thought I would ask my comic strip sheep, Shearadon and Woolworth, to make another guest appearance.

Of course I KNEW I'd be paying for it. Once Woolworth finally let Shearadon out of the Hannibal Lecter mask, Shearadon begged me to mention to you that he is still working on his blog-- Wild-n-Woolly-- really slaving away to reach the Online Sheep Community...

(I personally feel at four posts in four months, he and I differ about the definition of "slaving.")

...Anyway, he asked that I draw your attention in particular to his latest post, a sheep-inspired song parody of a tune from one of his favorite Pink Floyd albums, and the popular tune "Us and Them."

So with this link, I give you The Dark Side of the Loom, and the featured song, "Ewes and Rams."

Please forgive me.

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