Facebook 'Like' Function Spoils Dexter Netflix Savorability Factor

Now see here, Facebook-- how can I convince you that I do not want to know?

Offline, I close my ears and childishly "la-la-la" to myself over possibly-dangerous watercooler talk.

I tell my friends "Talk to the Hand" when they start with the hearty, "Hey, did you see last night's ep--"

And I warn these good-hearted folks that mine is a No Spoiler Zone, particularly when it comes to Netflixable shows like Dexter, which I like to wait for, and savor, commercial-free.

Mother Facebook, however, has other ideas about what is good for me.

See, I had made the mistake of "Liking" Dexter on my Facebook profile. And now Mother Facebook is all up in my face, like that new agey parent who just really, really wants to be your very bestest friend and feels the most effective way to do that is by intruding all over your personal interests. 

In this case, she's determined to dish the latest on Dex. She does not care that I have been trying to avoid all details of Season 5 like medieval peasants would circumnavigate a popular plague-era rat networking convention.

No, instead Mother Facebook reacts to this by flinging tidbits of info at me into the stream of my otherwise-innocuous Facebook updates. I find I'm starting to flinch every time I see Michael C. Hall's smirking mug.

"No! No! Do not WANT! Ignorance is bliss! Flee, Michael! Away with ye! We shall reconnoiter later!"

It's like Mother Facebook is that gossipy old neighbor who takes great evil pleasure in "accidentally" letting you know she saw your husband slip across the yard to that desperate soccer mom's back porch.

So it looks like I'm going to have to "Unlike" Dexter, simply to release myself from this net of unwanted joy-crushing Facebookly media spoilage. All I can think is, it's a good thing Facebook wasn't around when The Sixth Sense and The Crying Game were out.

"Find Out How Bruce Willis Felt Playing a Ghost!"

"Read all about how Crying Game Actor Prepped for Transgendered Role!"

Yeah, yeah, we know-- and the boat sinks and Leonardo DiCaprio dies. Thanks a lot, Mother Facebook. Thanks a friggin' lot.

Netflix Amnesia

I slit open the familiar red envelope with anticipation. I slipped the printed sleeve out and read the name printed on it in confident black lettering. It was:

The Machu Picchu Elevator
(Special 'More Llama' Edition- Now with English and Creole Subtitles)
starring:

• Gordon Chen-Murray
• Beatrice Cannes-Darling
• Jose Santa-Maria-Nina-Pinta-Escobar-de-Arte-y-Pico
• and Steve

Okay, so that wasn't really the name of it. But it might as well have been. I turned that envelope in my hand, confirmed my address on the front-- yes, yes, that was me-- and had to admit, it had happened again...

Netflix Amnesia.

For my friends outside the U.S. who may not have this, Netflix is a nifty little system by which you rent movies online. You choose a selection of films, and the Netflix folks just mail them to you, so you don't ever actually have to get dressed or leave your house.

When you're done with them, you pop 'em back in a pre-posted envelope, and mail 'em back.

Or, if you're operating on that Not Leaving Your House or Getting Dressed thing, you leave 'em for the mailman with a nice note.

It's a super little service, for this most part. Not only is it perfect for we lazy folks who don't want to be standing around a video rental place, dancing around forty other people trying to choose from a selection of the same four films, but Netflix also seems to have everything.

I mean, I know because I've tried stumping them.

Let's see, do you have....

Bowling for Anchovy Pizza, Season 2?

Yes, yes they do.

Do you have....

Cholera, the Golden Years?

Yup, present and accounted for!

How about...

Queen Elizabeth Three: Queenie's Revenge?

Yepper.

So I'm getting a chance to see a lot of films and television series I otherwise would never get a chance to enjoy. Which is terrific!

The thing is, I also tend to get swept up in the moment. So sometimes I'm online choosing films, and Netflix tells me:

"If you liked The Darjeeling Express and Cannonball Run and Pan's Labyrinth and The Teletubbies, you might also enjoy The Machu Picchu Elevator..."

And I read the little blurb and think, "Why, Netflix, you might just be right! I MIGHT just enjoy The Machu Picchu Elevator. Let's put that bad boy on my list!"

And now, my list is, like, a mile long. Meaning it can be months before I ever see The Machu Picchu Elevator in my mailbox. And a lot goes on in those couple of months to distract. Like work. And other Netflix films. And whole presidential elections.

So every now and then-- well, maybe every couple of weeks-- I am confronted by a movie title I have absolutely NO IDEA where it came from or why, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Oh, I have been moved to choose things because of Netflix Peer Pressure, where the recommendation comes so often I eventually cave in and add it to the list just to shut them up.

I have been moved to choose things because some obscure actor was in it that nobody else cares about but me and the guy's wife-- and even the guy's wife not-so-much.

I have been persuaded by well-written summary blurbs... And because something was directed by the second cousin twice removed of someone I once saw do a different Netflix movie...

And then I discover the thing has subtitles.

Well, it turns out, Netflix was right; I ended up actually liking The Machu Picchu Elevator. I give it four stars.

"If you liked the Machu Picchu Elevator, you might also enjoy: Dancing in Owen Wilson's Bathtub- V."

Ask me in three months.

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