Showing posts with label hoveround. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hoveround. Show all posts

The Hoveround as Commuter Vehicle


I'd written about this once before as a joke (in "Is there a way to speed up my Hoveround Powerchair?") where a speed-crazed grandmother soups-up her powerchair and hits the motorways with the zealousness of a NASCAR winner.

But yesterday, in five o'clock rush hour traffic, I saw my post come to life. Yes, across Pittsburgh's busy East Carson Street, a white-haired lady in a high-powered electrified chair went off-sidewalk and out-of-the-box with determination and a dream, careening down our chaotic streets like Dale Earnhardt Junior himself was hot on her tires.

I was stopped at the light, so I got to see her make a lane for herself on a two-way street, navigating through several major intersections, startling motorists stopped at lights, who undoubtedly looked over to see an elderly lady's head even with their passenger window and levitating on by...


The sidewalks have just been replaced through this area and there are shiny new sloped curbs, made for just these sorts of assisting devices. But the lure of hitting the mean streets and reliving one's racing days must just be too much to resist.

How can you say no to the smell of the asphalt, the clouds of exhaust, and the wind through your hair when you have such power right there beneath you?

So, to this undaunted driver I say, please-- stay safe out there, lady. And hey-- get a helmet, would you? (Because I'd kinda like photos of that, too.) :)

Is there a way to speed up my Hoveround power chair?

The title of this post was actually a search phrase that arrived at my blog yesterday, and the image it conjured made me laugh out loud.

In my mind, Granny is speeding down the Parkway doing 85 in her souped-up Hoveround, weaving in and out of traffic and cackling as she kicks up gravel onto the hoods of other drivers.

She's wearing driving gloves and a helmet, and a jacket with sponsors printed on it. TidyCat... Polident... Meow Mix... Red Heart Yarn... Werthers (for the grandkids)... All the key brands are there. Her scarf waves tauntingly behind her in the breeze like the arm of a beckoning siren.

She zooms around a bend and the local fuzz clocks her at 90. They flip on the red-and-blues and hit the wailing alarms in pursuit.

Ah, but Granny's mind is still sharp and her Hoveround is nimble. She slips between the wheels of a gas truck trailer and takes the right lane.

The cops try to cut over in time, but instead find the grill of the gas truck is now tasting their own car's bumper. The trucker honks. The cops screech left. Granny slides down the off-ramp, giving the law the finger and shouting, "Catch me next time, coppers!" She whisks off to further adventures... Like the one-day 50% off basket sale at Michaels.

Never get between Granny and a nice new basket. She'll tuck her driving gloves, helmet and scarf in this brand new Longaberger for safe-keeping... And there they will stay, until one fine morning the southern wind picks up, and the highway calls her name once more.

"Laaaaverrrrrrrnne.... Laaaaaverrrrrrrrne...."
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Wishing a great Memorial Day weekend to you, folks!

Second Childhood with Hoveround Commercial

Every time I watch the Hoveround ad-- where seniors in power chairs ride around in formation to pseudo-Beach Boys music-- it takes me back.

Back, y'know, to when I was an octogenarian with a hip fracture, and the only way to keep myself in pudding cups and hair bluing was to hit the highways on my mean, lean, geriatric machine.

(I'm like Merlin, you see. I live life backwards. I should be thin, pert, and getting my braces off in just a couple of decades.)

.....

.....

Okay, so... no.

But it does take me back! Back to my childhood in the 7os...

I see the Hoveround commercial, and it's like the smell of fresh Play-Doh suddenly gets ground into my ol-factory senses, instead of the carpeting where it belongs...

And in the back of my mind--

--The only place unaffected by the fumes of those plastic rainbow-colored bubbles we used to squeeze from a tube and blow into shapes with a straw (remember those? the chemicals from that stuff could peel your Kool-Aid mustache clean off)--

In the back of that fume-addled mind, I find myself recalling ads for Big Wheels... Power Wheels... and Sit 'n' Spins.

I can't track it down online to verify, but I swear the Sit 'n' Spin jingle sounded a lot like the Hoveround song:

"Some kids go when they Sit 'n' Spin..."

"I go, go, go on my Hoveround..."

As the word "go" in these examples can indicate both "speed" or "incontinence" equally well for either demographic, I think there might just be something to the comparison.

Something subliminal... Something saying, "Buy this for the senior you love and maybe he'll let you borrow it for some sweet jumps."




Of course, it could just be those fumes again.

So before I leave you today, I treat you to two little blasts from the past-- a 70s Big Wheel ad, and a commercial for the fun... the fumey... Super & Elastic Bubble Plastic:







PS-- If the next Hoveround ads show Grandma, Grandpa and Great-Uncle Pete doing spin-outs, popping wheelies, and jumping ramps in the bingo parlor parking lot, just remember-- you heard about it here first, folks!

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