Is there a way to speed up my Hoveround power chair?

The title of this post was actually a search phrase that arrived at my blog yesterday, and the image it conjured made me laugh out loud.

In my mind, Granny is speeding down the Parkway doing 85 in her souped-up Hoveround, weaving in and out of traffic and cackling as she kicks up gravel onto the hoods of other drivers.

She's wearing driving gloves and a helmet, and a jacket with sponsors printed on it. TidyCat... Polident... Meow Mix... Red Heart Yarn... Werthers (for the grandkids)... All the key brands are there. Her scarf waves tauntingly behind her in the breeze like the arm of a beckoning siren.

She zooms around a bend and the local fuzz clocks her at 90. They flip on the red-and-blues and hit the wailing alarms in pursuit.

Ah, but Granny's mind is still sharp and her Hoveround is nimble. She slips between the wheels of a gas truck trailer and takes the right lane.

The cops try to cut over in time, but instead find the grill of the gas truck is now tasting their own car's bumper. The trucker honks. The cops screech left. Granny slides down the off-ramp, giving the law the finger and shouting, "Catch me next time, coppers!" She whisks off to further adventures... Like the one-day 50% off basket sale at Michaels.

Never get between Granny and a nice new basket. She'll tuck her driving gloves, helmet and scarf in this brand new Longaberger for safe-keeping... And there they will stay, until one fine morning the southern wind picks up, and the highway calls her name once more.

"Laaaaverrrrrrrnne.... Laaaaaverrrrrrrrne...."
Wishing a great Memorial Day weekend to you, folks!


Unknown said...

Here is what Granny needs

Jenn Thorson said...

"What was that sonic boom?" "Oh, that's just Gramma, taking the Hoveround out with the Xfinity rocket booster attachments." :)

Unknown said...

And all she had to do was drink a bottle of Power Boost, you get it at 7-11 next to the energy drinks at the checkout counter.

meleah rebeccah said...

I am laughing so much at the imagery you created with a speed-racing-Granny on her souped-up Hoveround!! AHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHAHahhHAHAHhahAHah

Jenn Thorson said...

Dan- Maybe use the Power Boost in place of gas!

Meleah- I love Google search terms. They spawn so much great silliness! :) Hope you have a great long weekend ahead of you Meleah.

Glen said...

funny image :-)

people regularly get to mine looking for "sexy bears"

Jenn Thorson said...

Glen-- Heh, I am very scared there is a community out there into Sexy Bears. Or perhaps it's just the Grizzly-American community online looking for a hot date. Ya never know.

Kelly said...

Hilarious imagery you have put into my mind. That Granny is a read lead foot. I can see her dashing through an alley on her souped up mobile chair to elude the cops. Good for Granny. I would root for a grandmother like that if I saw that chase on live TV.

I like the part about the sponsors names printed on her gloves and helmet. Nice touch. Fun post.

Unknown said...

that was a fun post to read. i could visualize granny darting around the streets, running from the cops.

I just hope she stays put of the supermarket aisle, at least as when i am there.

laughingmom said...

Great imagery Jenn! Reminds me of Snoopy and his sopwith camel.

ReformingGeek said...

Oh, I thought that happened at the local Wally World.

Look out!

Unknown said...

Kelly- It would make for an interesting episode of "Cops" or "America's Police Chases." :)

Greg- The grannies I've seen at the supermarket tend to operate in slow-mo and don't like to give other shoppers the right-of-way. While our Speed Demon Granny would be a hazard, it would be a nice change from the ones who block the aisles.

LaughingMom- Heh, yes, I can see that!

ReformingGeek- Oh dear, Granny at our local Kennywood park... I picture the funnel cake flying.

angelawd said...

LOL, that's who I want to be when I grow up! Except I'm not changing my name to Laverne.

JaneneMurphy said...

Oh, how funny. The question for me is how that led to your site? I didn't realize you were a such a power chair afficionado. Is there any other surprising things we should know about you? :)