Second Childhood with Hoveround Commercial

Every time I watch the Hoveround ad-- where seniors in power chairs ride around in formation to pseudo-Beach Boys music-- it takes me back.

Back, y'know, to when I was an octogenarian with a hip fracture, and the only way to keep myself in pudding cups and hair bluing was to hit the highways on my mean, lean, geriatric machine.

(I'm like Merlin, you see. I live life backwards. I should be thin, pert, and getting my braces off in just a couple of decades.)

.....

.....

Okay, so... no.

But it does take me back! Back to my childhood in the 7os...

I see the Hoveround commercial, and it's like the smell of fresh Play-Doh suddenly gets ground into my ol-factory senses, instead of the carpeting where it belongs...

And in the back of my mind--

--The only place unaffected by the fumes of those plastic rainbow-colored bubbles we used to squeeze from a tube and blow into shapes with a straw (remember those? the chemicals from that stuff could peel your Kool-Aid mustache clean off)--

In the back of that fume-addled mind, I find myself recalling ads for Big Wheels... Power Wheels... and Sit 'n' Spins.

I can't track it down online to verify, but I swear the Sit 'n' Spin jingle sounded a lot like the Hoveround song:

"Some kids go when they Sit 'n' Spin..."

"I go, go, go on my Hoveround..."

As the word "go" in these examples can indicate both "speed" or "incontinence" equally well for either demographic, I think there might just be something to the comparison.

Something subliminal... Something saying, "Buy this for the senior you love and maybe he'll let you borrow it for some sweet jumps."




Of course, it could just be those fumes again.

So before I leave you today, I treat you to two little blasts from the past-- a 70s Big Wheel ad, and a commercial for the fun... the fumey... Super & Elastic Bubble Plastic:







PS-- If the next Hoveround ads show Grandma, Grandpa and Great-Uncle Pete doing spin-outs, popping wheelies, and jumping ramps in the bingo parlor parking lot, just remember-- you heard about it here first, folks!

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Stalking, Constipation, Pointy, Pointy Bras and More!

Because the mighty and all-powerful Deadline Gods in BurghTown deem it that great, highly-effective creative content must, of myself, be born and born possibly last week if not two weeks prior to actual assignment, I would like to direct your attention today to some humor posts from my other blog, The Thrift Shop Romantic.

(Translation: I am freaking out and thereby have no time to write anything here that won't make me cringe later, and you guys deserve so much better, so I am I cheating a bit.)

Anyway, to my groovy male readers-- I hope you'll summon your vast testosteroney courage and click at least one of the links. Don't worry-- it's not girly humor covered in frills and causing you to sing falsetto when you finish reading. There's all sorts of good stuff like stalking and constipation, and hitting kids with shoes, and pictures of terrifying retro foods that look like they'd already been eaten once.

How can you resist?

• Visit the Funny Farm. Farmers who Walk Like an Egyptian? Boobs that could put an eye out? Tyrone Power trying to seduce you while smoking Camels in cartoon form? 1950s Farm Journal ads had it all! Check out the madness here.

• Gently Needling 60s Fashion with Spinnerin Knits. The 60s drug culture seems to have extended to the photography, directing and modeling in what would have otherwise been a normal knitting instruction book. See the many faces of horror, Fatal Attraction brand stalking, the need for quality mood-balancing meds, and much unavoidable chafing. Click here.

• Against the Grain with Funny Recipes from Riceland Rice. See rice on a rampage... ready to scare the socks off anyone who comes near it... Prepped to make you question how anything so plain, so simple, so white could go so very, very wrong. Click here to see why you need three glasses some something cold and alcoholic to consume the dish below.

• The Road to Regularity. Not exactly one of Bob Hope's better known "Road To" musical comedies, we take a look at this 1930s Kellogg's booklet, which apparently has all the answers to finding "The Sunny Side of Life..." And all of which seem to include alleviating constipation. C'mon, you're curiosity's piqued, isn't it? It is. No, really. You know you wanna click here.

Wednesday, things should be back to normal again here at Cabbages. Or as abnormal as it usually is, anyway. Which is all we can hope for.

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