Friendship. It means different things to different people. But I am willing to bet you dollars to donuts (mmm.... donuts) that it does not mean what I'm about to describe to you today.
Monday, I was notified I had a message in one of my social media shoutboxes, so I went to see who had popped by.
Turns out, it was someone I'd never seen on the boards before. For purposes of preserving his anonymity, we shall call him... (and yes, this might be a tad subtle, so bear with me on this) ... "Spamboy."
Pretend you have no idea where this is going.
So Spamboy left me a note to tell me that I had an absolutely astounding example of blogkind ("Nice blog.") and that because of it, he felt compelled to extend to me the virtual handshake of online brotherhood ("I frend U, frend me 2").
Naturally, I read this message and, as warm feelings of joy and camaraderie flooded my heart, I did what any self-respecting blogger would do.
I hit the "Spam" button and binned it.
Okay, now fast-forward to ten minutes later.
"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!" said my email.
And I went to my shoutbox expecting to see a query from Spamboy wondering why I reported his note of goodwill and love as spam. When I read:
"Nice blog. I frend U, frend me 2."
Erm, yeah.
So that message was filed accordingly. And I forgot about Spamboy in the click of the report button.
Yup, it was surprisingly easy for me to move on from this relationship. I answered some client questions. I noodled with a bit of text editing and then, about ten minutes later...
"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!" my email told me.
"Oh, I just bet I do."
And there in my shoutbox was a carefully-written note expressing everything Spamboy had been thinking about our long-abiding frend-ship, and how we could make it work:
"Nice blog. I frend U, frend me 2."
At this, I decided to shoutbox Spamboy-- or what was quickly appearing to be Spamboy's Mass Friend Adoration Expression Robot-- regarding the goals and concerns I was developing regarding our bon amie:
"You have spammed me three times now. Please stop."
And then I sent his message into the special container where I store this sort of meaningful correspondence.
Back to the editing. Back to the being a productive citizen and whatnot. Back to a Spamboy-free life.
"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!"
So I raced to my shoutbox--
"Nice blog. I frend-- "
--And hit the "Block" button this time.
"There, Spamboy! Take that! No frend for you! No more Miss Nice Blog! Hit the Internet highway, ya spammer, and don't come back. Ya bother me, kid!"
Phew! I wiped my brow, took a sip of soothing herbal tea, and went back to work. The wonderful thing about social media, you know, is that you are never without recourse. Never without the ultimate control. You always have options to help yourself when issues arise and...
"You have a new blog review!" my email told me.
"A new review? Why, let me go see!! Just who is it that has taken a fancy to the ol' blog site? Who is it that I have reached through consistent posting, whimsy and a well-meaning attempt at general good-eggishness?"
"Nice blog.
I frend U, frend me 2
--Spamboy
http://spamboysspammyspamurl.com"
And the rating? ONE star.
Yup, Spamboy pulled down my perfect five-star rating. It tell ya, with friends like these...
Or maybe he was trying to spell "fiend"?
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Did Spamboy hit your shoutbox recently, too? Do you have a tale of spam and heartache to share? I'd enjoy hearing about it.
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