Of Cabbages and Kings: nascar

"It has nickname possibilities, but the .com at the end just feels unwieldy," I thought to myself.

I was reading this article, about how the president of the NASCAR venue Texas Motor Speedway, Eddie Gossage, has offered $100,000 to disc jockey Terry Dorsey to officially change his name to Texasmotorspeedway.com for a year-- and get himself a permanent Texasmotorspeedway.com tattoo to commemorate the occasion.

Dorsey has 24 hours to accept this very literal branding effort.

Now, I don't know about you folks, but for me, it would have to be a heckvua lot more than $100,000 to even make that worth 24 hours of consideration.

Shouldn't the going rate for stupid be just a little higher? I mean, Robert Redford paid Demi Moore $1,000,000 for a single night in his Indecent Proposal. And it's not like Demi had to have a permanent Sundance Film Festival logo tramp stamp slapped on her as part of the deal.

But besides that-- and ignoring, y'know, any pesky ethical choices or anything-- here are just a few additional reasons our DJ friend might want to rethink saying "yes" to the proposal:

Any woman who has ever changed her name after marriage will tell you that it might take Dorsey a whole year just to unstick all the various Bureaucratic Moniker Alteration Red Tapes from his elegantly-worn cowboy boots

He would have to get all new checks and address labels made, though admittedly those personalized check services always have a nice wide selection of appropriate NASCAR themes

This will confuse the mail carrier. Does the mail go to his house, or the speedway? Whose route is that? It's a .com, so shouldn't there be an email option? This will back up delivery of the man's Netflix for months.

Does the DJ's family become the Texasmotorspeedway.coms? Or do they hyphenate?

When monogramming, do you include the .com?

Now, I was thinking, if the guy really wanted to make some money, he could just tattoo various NASCAR sponsor logos all over him, like one of the cars.

He could even get a nice body-part specific branding tie-in theme going. Like TUMS on the ol' mid-section... Goody's Headache Powder on his forehead... Viagra on his... Pending legal approvals and whatnot, of course.

So that leads me to today's question: what would you do if you were this DJ?

Personally-- I'm a big fan of, say, savory snack crackers, but that doesn't mean I'd transform into little Jenni Cheez-It for a year...

I mean, I have a whole box of business cards I haven't used yet. And I'm lucky to get my mail delivered as it is.