The Muppets' Sam the Eagle and Criminal Minds' Hotchner are Sick of Your Crap

This past week hasn't been particularly... funny... to me. High-stress: yes. Creative and light-hearted: not so much. This weekend, instead of writing fiction, I decided to productively use my time by curling up into a ball in my favorite chair and staring glazedly at a wall.

I do not regret this decision. :)

Anyway, while I was staring glazedly, I might have seen a few episodes of Criminal Minds pass by my eyeballs. And it occurred to me that if I were to make a Muppet version of this program, I would cast Sam the Eagle as Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner. I mean, look above: the eyebrows alone are perfect. The bags under the eyes... the steely gaze, the unyielding beak-- er, lips.

Which led me to then cast Scooter as Dr. Spencer Reid, and Miss Piggy as Penelope Garcia. The latter, mainly because I would enjoy seeing Piggy decked out with cat's eye glasses and lots of hair do-dads, answering the phone with things like, "Goddess of all knowledge: beseech of moi answers to your questions."

Anyway, I am hoping for more merry and less soul-sucking days ahead, with this coming weekend the goal of producing a few thousand more words on the third There Goes the Galaxy book, Tryfling Matters.

Hope you all are having yourselves a good week! --Jenn

Things You Can Learn from a Muppet

Over the years, I've learned a lot from the Muppets. And no, I'm not just talking about piddly little things like... y'know... spelling, numbers, colors, or Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes as sung by giant cucumbers.

No, I'm talking about the really useful stuff!

• There is currently no 12-step program for cookie addiction. And self-regulating cookie addicts fall off the wagon hard.

• You really can put lipstick on a pig-- though they prefer to play up the eyes.

• If you don't like one of your facial features, swap with a friend. This is the trick your plastic surgeon doesn't want you to know.

• Speaking the local language is no prerequisite for having a successful career in the chemical sciences or television cookery industries.

• Prop comics from the Vaudevillian school can be bearable in the right medium.

• City pigeons make great pets, though with improper handling they can cause jaundice.

• "Mnah-Mnah" are magic words that can make even the most tone-deaf person sing.

• Throwing an effective boomerang fish requires a very smooth snap of the wrist. Also, probably, thumbs.

• Nepotism is even found in the frog species, particularly in show business.

• Never hire a demolition company whose founder's legal first name is "Crazy." 

And lastly:

• When playing a reed based woodwind instrument, it is always prudent to be rubber-duck-free....

Enjoy!