The awesome beauty of crystallized precipitation... The joy of uniting with people who share a common genetic structure... Hard-shelled, protein-rich foodstuffs combusting over a potential fire-hazard... This is the stuff of Christmas song.Yet, I can't help but feel there are other topics that reveal an even greater part of the Modern Family Christmas Experience that have not yet been addressed.
So rather than endure a 3,000th broadcast of George Michael's "Last Christmas" or McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime"-- which always make me want to puncture my eardrums with a marshmallow roasting stick-- someone needs to write about the subjects that are truly relevant to our time.
Subjects like:
- 35 and Sleeping in the Bunk Over Grandpa
- O Little Table of Lesser Fam, Where Dost Thou Put One's Knees?
- Yes, Yes, Yes, I'm Still Single, Auntie (Pass the Peas)
- Over the River and Through a Ten Car Pile Up On the Turnpike
- Egg Nog Helps Me Forget
- Silent Treatment for Sister
- Dreidel, Dreidel, Spun Way Under the Couch (For my Jewish friends)
- Guilt Brings Us Together
- Oh Christmas Socks, Oh Christmas Socks!
- Tales from a Christmas Form Letter
- The Airline Peanut Feast
- When Santa Brings Math Flash Cards
- In the Glow of the Shining Leg Lamp
- A Toy Worth Trampling For
- Black Friday, Blue Christmas
- Please Don't Eat the Garland
- Ornament Physics with Fluffy
- Weeping on the Keyboard (The Sappy Christmas Email Forward Song)
- Who Stole the Light-up Baby Jesus?
...And, of course, many other soon-to-be-classic hits!
I hope this preliminary list will inspire you talented songwriters out there to really get creative and make music that reflects Christmas as we truly know it. Because I have to tell you, McCartney's really getting on my last nerve.
Help me.
Please.
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Question for today: Any new Christmas song ideas you'd like to add to this list?
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