The Cat that Wasn't

So driving home yesterday, along a narrow suburban road near my house, I came upon this yellow-orange fluffy form lying in the middle of street.

I initially THOUGHT a local feline had spent at least ONE of its lives-- and from the looks of things, it seemed to have shot the whole Life Wad in one go.

I like animals, so I slowed, saddened... the faint sounds of "Memory" playing in the distance.

Now, we’ve always had quite a few stray cats around:

• The black cat that likes to lie in the sun on my porch, which everyone thinks is mine but is just freelancing…

• The giant orange tabby that plays King of the Mountain on my garage roof, scaring the Cheez-its out of me when I look out the kitchen window…

• The skinny gray stripey cat with the surly expression, who carries brass knuckles and smokes Marlboros…

• The fat mangy calico with the bow legs, who could really hit it big with a supporting role in the next Harry Potter film…

I didn’t know this particular cat.

So I pulled carefully around the creature, because, you know, there are kids in the neighborhood and I sure didn’t want to be the person they saw giving a tire-massage to Mr. Fluffy.

Then I got a good look at the “corpse”…

It was a giant ball of tree pollen.

Okay, I am WELL AWARE that the amount of space my sinuses require of me is something comparable to Luray Caverns, and that there is far more room for them than Brain.

I also get regular sinus headaches that make Zeus giving birth to Athena by way of cranium seem like a pesky papercut...

So I know that this all could seriously affect my perceptions about the perils of allergy season.

But REALLY-- The pollen is organizing now? First it starts to replicate the family pets and, what, we’re next?

I don’t like it.

So this allergy season, I suggest you keep a close eye on Mittens. Give more than a cursory glance to Fido. Because when your favorite furry friend returns from the great outdoors, your beloved bow-wow... your finicky feline... might just turn out to be a giant mutant ragweed replicant in disguise.

Yup, they're getting seriously wily, these allergens...

And I figure, it's just better to be safe than stuffy.


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Humor-bloggers are 100% immune from allergies. How DO they do it?