My normally-pasty face flushed the kind of rich red that tomatoes want in a hot summer fashion. A buzzer sounded with nasty, tattle-tale glee.
The store worker rushed over to confront the issue. Soon a puzzled frown creased his brow, as logic set in. Wasn't I entering, not leaving? People didn't shoplift before they came into a store, did they?
And as he stood, lips trying to mold the right question, I explained. Explained the way I had at Kohls.
And at Target.
And at Barnes and Noble.
(It was a busy day.)
I explained that I am The Mad Beeper. And (regrettably) I cannot be stopped.
See, this is my accessory to disruption. Or rather, something in it is, since my mysterious Beeptasticness has followed me through two entirely separate handbags.
Oh, I have turned this particular handbag inside out like a frog in seventh grade biology. I have examined its guts. I now know its polyester and vinyl soul.
I have brought in an elite team of trained security tag sniffing animals. (Okay, my cat Alice, but she's very thorough.)
And as far as I can tell, there is no special sensor lurking as a part of this bag.
Which means, I have stowaway object, plotting my perpetual, so public embarrassment. I just haven't pinned down the perp yet.
I look accusingly at my lipstick, and it pouts at the injustice.
I eye the remote control to the gate of my office, but it remains unmoved.
I try to push my cell phone's buttons, in hopes of a confession, but it drops my signals.
Somewhere, within the satin blend lining of Kathy VanZeeland pastel snickers the source of my continued humiliation. And I will find it.
Oh, I will root it out.
Until then, I can only ask that my innocent appearance continue to serve me well... that any frisking be fleeting... and if not, that the security guards be mightily cute.
8 comments:
My money's on the gate remote. It's probably an office spy, hoping to catch you Kohl-ing during business hours.
Life was much simpler when all they did was read our emails.
I see that you have noticed one of the government tracking devices they have installed in handbags.
Sigh. Evil Twin was so sure they would not trigger any systems.
Charlie- I would think so, too, only my coworkers have the same remotes, and they're not having these difficulties when they go out. A couple of them frequent the same stores.
Reforming Geek- The jig is up, Evil Twin! Sloppy... very sloppy. :)
Heard it beep in Belks today. Run fast.
10-4 Willy
I am OBSESSED with that bag. Where did you get it??
I got it at a place called AJ Wright, sort of like TJ Maxx. I loved it immediately, too. I have totally become a handbag girl. :)
Just lovely! Seriously!
Wowee Gazowee! It sounds like you're a real trouble maker. :) Making things buzz and beep in stores is a good time had by all, I always say.
Well, I don't always say that. sometimes I say, "This is a mighty fine slice of pizza." But that's another story.
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