I'm not precisely sure when it happened, but our entertainment industry has gone embryonic.It transformed from 40s films like It's a Wonderful Life, where Jimmy Stewart played a teenager who had hair in his ears, a pacemaker, and was just tapping into his Social Security...
("Every time a bell rings, George Bailey thinks it's hearing aid interference.")...To leading ladies and pop stars so young they need new Pull-Ups between takes.
I was noticing this in particular the other day, when for the first time I saw Lady Gaga interviewed. I'd seen still shots of her on mags like Rolling Stone, and had read an article or two which spoke of her eccentric, crafted personality. Like a modern-day Ziggy Stardust.
Then she strode in, her dress rigged of plastic Post-its, a purple teacup in hand....
And under the wig, false eyelashes and hype, I got the first good look at her.
Okay, so maybe she isn't exactly still waiting for her adult teeth to grow in, but you can't tell me the last time she'd cashed in with the Tooth Fairy can be measured in decades.
Which got me wondering, what's next on our horizon?
I'm thinking it'll start with a pre-teen pageant circuit phase, where coiffed eight-year-old hoochies do infomercials on leg waxing and form manufactured girl bands. The Jon Benets will be as big as their hair. And the Little Miss Sunshines will top the charts with edgy songs of report card disappointments and bulemia.
Then we'll realize we need something for the younger set.
I mean, with these aging hags, so washed up before junior high, we'll see we'd missed a whole market.
Why, kids not even in school have a lot more disposable income than you can imagine! (At least, if they don't try to eat it, or stick it up their nose.)
So soon pre-schoolers will be rocking out to The Jiggles, an educational romp with three-year-old pole dancers in push-up bras. They'll have fun showing the kiddies things they'll really need to know. Like how to send pictures of themselves to their friends using a hacked version of the Leapfrog system.
Or how to enhance their figures using realistic Play-Doh ta-tas you can make at home. Y'know, from the Play-Doh Boob Factory.
And then don't forget the really little ones! Who won't want to listen to the in-vitro band, New Fetuses on the Block, with their hit song, "In Your Womb"?
Oh, there's no end to the untapped marketing opportunities!
Of course, we'll have to wait until technology catches up a bit. I hear the studio for those fetuses are typically cramped and the recording feedback is terrible.
Question for today: Has there been any movie or musical act that was way older or younger than you'd expected them to be for their role?
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