In college, I fractured my wrist in an unlucky Research Procurement Clash. (Okay, somebody accidentally hit me with a four-inch-thick, metal library door.)
And ever since then, things like girlie push-ups... synchonized sign-language competitions... Macerena marathons... or a good stiff breeze... can cause it to go completely out of whack.
It's free of the boundaries of Whack currently, in fact. Last I heard from it, the wrist is somewhere in Whack's outskirts, and the GPS is not working.
Thus, my stylish wrist brace.
But anyone who's ever had an injury knows, the moment folks see someone with a brace, bandage, bruise or cast, we all find that unfortunate soul's personal pain like a big ol' coffeetable book... Something obvious and clunky enough to leaf through and discuss.
So that's why I thought today we would come up with...
Helpful, Colorful, Alternate Reasons for Why You're Injured
Yes, adventurous tales you can use for your very own injuries that are so much more exciting than telling someone you'd tripped on your cat... Shooshed poorly on the slopes... Or liberated your thumb in a regrettable Ginsu Knife Logistics Error.
This post has been designed specifically to assist in your all-purpose injury story needs, such as:
Arm Injuries:
- While hiking, you saved a lost child of the fast food generation, poised to tumble from a cliff. But your arm dislocated-- given the child weighed more than a Minivan filled with Big Macs.
- You deny wearing wrist braces. You are simply prepared to deflect bullets. And just wait till everyone gets a load of your lassooo of Truth and Justice.
- You donate some of your spare time to the Boy Scouts, as they train in First-Aid. They get overzealous with the Modroc.
- You were fending off a crowd of autograph-seekers who saw your last blog post/Tweet/Facebook Wall entry/YouTube video, and things got a little out of hand.
Broken Legs:
- While exploring the Grand Canyon on vacation, you encountered a group of baddies hoarding a stash of stolen gold in a cave. You were ziplining away from said baddies across this scenic Natural Wonder, only to have the cable snap, tumbling you conveniently onto the ranger's station below.
- When not at your regular job, you are actually a professional wrestler, wrestling under the name of The Midnight Mangler. The injury came as a result of a mislaid pile-driver.
- You are the stunt double for Jackie Chan, now that he's getting on in years. You don't like to talk about it, out of respect to Mr. Chan and given his devoted fanbase.
Face Lifts
- You're bandaged as part of a social experiment to see if people would treat you differently if you weren't so mind-blowingly attractive.
- You have recently been reading up on the ancient Egyptians and have decided to embrace a few of their customs.
- You are trying out for the lead in Phantom of the Opera. Would anyone care to hear your rendition of "Music of the Night"?
- Competition in the town's underground Fight Club group was somewhat stiffer than you expected.
So, folks-- any other suggestions for heart-pounding reasons why we might be injured?
Let's bring dignity back to the disproportionately damaged!
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