Middle Earth on 20 Coppers a Day

Think you can't afford to holiday in Middle Earth? Well, an exciting, affordable Middle Earth vacation might just be closer than you think!

On just 20 coppers a day, you can experience the best of all Middle Earth has to offer. It just takes proper planning-- and the helpful information you'll find here-- to create the perfect Middle Earth vacation package for your budget.


Enjoy Small Wonders and Big Welcomes in The Shire!
Did you know that right now there are hundreds of Middle Earth residents just waiting to meet you? Sign up for our unique "Share The Shire" program and you'll be welcome at the home of any of a number of participating Hobbit holes as a part of this exciting cultural exchange. Enjoy fine food. Party with the locals. It's a blast! Stay once, and you might find you'll make a Hobbit of visiting every year!


Get Down to Middle Earth at the Quaint Prancing Pony Pub!
Visitors to Bree would be remiss without a stay in this charming, inexpensive bed-and-micro-brewery. With hostel-style accommodations that are only occasionally hostile, you'll find yourself right at home with theme rooms like, "Rustic Relaxation," "Prostitute's Paradise," "Barn Beauty," and the "Storage Stateroom." Enjoy home-brewed libations in pint and-- for our height-challenged guests-- half-pint sizes, the true micro-brew.


Enrich Your Artistic Side with the Rivendell Architecture Tour!
Explore gracious sinewy palaces, gazebos, and porticoes in this tour of this breathtaking Elven city. It's like nothing you've ever seen before. And yes, we know it bears a remarkable resemblance to the art nouveau artistic period around early 1900s Europe. But the Elves did it first. No, really.... Really.


Hike the Misty Mountains!
Looking for awesome views and a little action? You won't want to miss hiking Hithaeglir! Also called the Misty Mountains, here you'll encounter a wide variety of terrains and get a birds-eye view of the Great River, Anduin. Have fun in the snow with assorted winter sports. Picnic lunch is provided. Guests will need to bring their own second-breakfast.


Get Deep with the Mines of Moria!
While in the Misty Mountains, you'd be remiss to not to make this Mine yours for a few hours. Explore historic tombs of important dwarf leaders. Enjoy a brisk run through scenic underground palaces. Check out Durin's Bridge and meet hot locals just burning to share a sizzling good time. Maybe even lose yourself-- or your traveling companions-- for a while. Guaranteed, you'll never forget it!


Looking for more information on how you can start planning your Middle Earth holiday on just 20 coppers a day? Leave us a comment below and we'll be sure to get back to you.

(This has been sponsored by the Middle Earth Convention and Visitors Bureau.)

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Quick-- Take Them To the Tower!

Some things America probably just needs to keep to itself. Among these, I'd suggest episodes of "Kath and Kim," our noseless Michael Jackson, and select tourists.

I have a tale to tell you about that last one.

About a decade ago, one of my buds and I took a trip to England. Oh, we had it all planned out for maximum vacay enjoyment!

Five glorious action-packed, Guinness-marinaded, art-infused, wax-museumed, Royal-Guard-pestering, tea-in-the-crypt-sipping, brass-rubbing, Tube-riding, Harrods-shopping, standing-stone-seeing, toad-in-the-hole-eating days in London, Bath and Stonehenge!

If ya don't need a holiday to recover after you come back, it just wasn't a good vacation!

Included in this trip were a couple of tours: a London city tour, a tour of the Tower of London, and a boat ride down the Thames.

And it was over the course of them, we encountered the... er... rich multi-dimensional tableau of American exported humanity.

I've often wondered why it is that the people who seem to know the least about things are the ones who always have so much to say on these tours?

Like the college girl who was chatting away to her boyfriend for most of our city tour, making it impossible to hear what the tourguide was saying. By St. Paul's Cathedral, as the guide showed us where the building was damaged due to Hitler's bombs, she paused long enough to hear the guide mention "World War II."

That's when she hit the guide with her contribution to English history:

"Well, England wasn't really involved in World War II... You know, like, not one of the major players...?"

The tourguide's mouth dropped open like an astounded codfish. But I imagine it wasn't the worst thing she'd heard during her career.

The worst thing might have been from a couple that my friend and I dubbed "The Plaids."

Mrs. Plaid was a 60-something lady in a plaid skirt and blazer. Mr. Plaid, a sixty-something man in plaid sports jacket and hat.

I imagine they thought they would blend right in once they got to Scotland.

The Plaids were a loud couple who, like the college girl, used speech as a soundtrack to life. Within five minutes, everyone in London knew all about them.

They were from the midwest and given the scope of their European tour, it sounded less like they were touring, and more like a whirlwind takeover.

They'd already been able to check off Italy, France and Spain from their list, they said, and once they hit the UK, they were headed onto Norway before heading back home to Flatland, USA.

Herb Plaid fancied himself a skilled photographer. Yes, he'd spent an evening with his high-tech photography equipment trying to get the Eiffel Tower to hold still and say "fromage." Herb was a perfectionist, Doris Plaid said.

"He also took pictures of that famous river there... you know the one... what was it called?... The Seen?"

So, as these sorts of things go, it wasn't much of a surprise that, when it was time for our boat ride down the Thames, we found the Plaids placed at our table.

We strained to hear the guide over the loudspeaker as Mr. and Mrs. Plaid oohed and ahhed over boats and bridges and ducks and oh, stray Newcastle bottles... Mr. Plaid pushing us aside with his telephoto so he could get the perfect shot.

And then we came to the Tower Bridge and the Tower of London. The guide announced them over the loudspeaker and pointed off the proper side of the boat.

The Plaids, however, were still talking, so it took a moment to register. We had just passed the Tower of London when when Mrs. Plaid got really excited:

"Look! Is that it? That must be the Tower of London."

"What? Where?"

"There! There, see?? Up ahead!"

"Oh yes! There it is!" And Mr. Plaid leaned all over us again to get a shot of...

"The Tower. A Thistle Hotel."

It was printed on the side of the building in bright lights.


It's since changed hands. Which is nice, really. Because that means the Plaids had forever captured on film the deep enlightening history of... a hotel chain.


So tell me, folks, about your funny tourist experiences!

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Of Laptops and Liberty Bells

My hands trembled. My heart picked up its pace to a fast trot. Sweat broke out on my forehead. How could I have been so stupid? Why hadn't this occurred to me before? I was going to be...

Four days without email.

I've done it before, of course. A day here. A day there. And visits at the holidays with my dad, for instance, have allowed me a quick connection with all that is online once a day using his system. But an upcoming trip to Philly for a four-day weekend, to meet some blogging friends, would leave me wholly unconnected...

Adrift.

Lost.

And totally dissing you guys!

I got a little nauseous and my head went swimmy just thinking about it. So in an impulsive move toward technological spending entirely rare for me (remember, I'm one of the few people left in the country without a cell phone), I broke down and bought a laptop.

And wow, are laptops smaller than they were when I had one in college! At that time, they weighed about 40 pounds and whose lap they were designed to fit-- that big guy from The Green Mile? the fat lady from an old timey carnival side show? the entire World Wrestling Federation cast?-- it's hard to say. I just recall hefting this giant bag down long airport corridors as it carved a channel into my shoulder so deep, it would have been worthy of tacking on to the Grand Canyon and inviting tourists.

We'd have made our money mainly through the postcard and t-shirt sales.

Anyway, I'm looking forward this weekend to meeting blogging friends Claire and JD in Philadelphia. As Claire is visiting from the UK, it will be JD's and my job to be ambassadors for our country and ensure she sees all the important historical landmarks in Philadelphia, which tell the fascinating story of the American colonies' quest for independence from....

er....

okay...

Well, maybe we can give the landmarks a miss. Philly cheesesteaks and bowling for everyone!

Anyway, due to Blogger's nifty ability to pre-schedule posts, Of Cabbages and Kings will continue to post Friday and Monday all by its little ol' self. And me, I will be popping in and out-- courtesy of my not-40-pound laptop-- to catch up with everybody as much as battery power and internet access allows.

If you don't hear from me next week, I overshot Philly and am currently churning butter in Lancaster at the home of a nice Amish family who took me in. Shoo-fly pie, anyone?

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