Dear Pennsylvania Department of Transit:
I must have been hallucinating on Saturday.
Because it was... oh... two or three weeks ago already now that the evening news told us how you were done with roadwork on the Parkway East for the year.
Done until next spring, when you would once again regularly close one of the major highways that connect we East side folks to the rest of the city.
Or to Monroeville Mall.
Or to, say, the Turnpike.
So I know I must have been hallucinating over the weekend. Because I could have sworn I saw roadcrews all along the in-bound Parkway on Saturday. I saw road cones taking up two lanes of the three lane highway. I was so positive I saw cars backed up almost to Penn Hills by late afternoon.
I must have been imagining the men under the bridges, then. And the cranes. And the giant piles of freshly dug up dirt. And the worktrucks and machinery here and there looking anything but done for the season.
Because they couldn't possibly have been there. You were finished for the year, you see. We all knew that.
But it was very life-like.
When you originally decided to work on almost every major road in the city at the same time this spring, I can't say I was happy about it, but I understood.
Yes, the work would close us off weekend after weekend, evening after evening, from our popular shopping destinations, and the biggest route across our state. But I knew it had to be done. I had empathy in my heart for you. I held the image of a beautiful, smooth-riding future.
I am stupid that way.
And so I heeded your warnings and made workaround plans. Which isn't exactly easy when you decide to rip up the Parkway East, West, North, Saw Mill Run Boulevard, Route 28, Fifth Avenue, Forbes Avenue, and partially close the Birmingham Bridge, all at the same time.
My empathy waned a little once or twice there, I admit. I might have even said a few not-so-ladylike words.
But I kept out of your way, weekend after weekend, night after night. The way you seem to like it. The way your PR reps on the news tell us, "Avoid this area. And if you have to be somewhere, leave extra time."
Only it's hard to estimate an extra two hours for what's normally a ten minute drive. I had that happen once.
Never again.
So, you can imagine my horror over what had to be just a very vivid figment of my imagination. As I dared peek my head out from my home on Saturday and journey East, thinking my path was free--only to see my return trip might very well hold hours of gridlock and gritted teeth.
Fortunately, it was only a hallucination.
So I am now looking for a good psychiatrist. I will tell this doc about the vivid images that have been appearing before my eyes. Perhaps it was caused by stress. Perhaps brought on from spending too many weekends shut in. But whatever the reason, I am hopeful that with patience and analysis, I will have a cure.
I am stupid that way, too.
The tricky part, of course, will be to ensure I get a shrink on the proper side of the Parkway. Because if the doc's in Monroeville or off the Turnpike, well... I might just not be able to make my appointment.
Due to the hallucination delays, dontchaknow.
Sincerely,
Jenn Thorson
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