"You can slice a pineapple in mid-air!" enthused the voice on the TV, advertising Miracle Blade Knives.
I stopped what I was doing and tried to think of a scenario where anyone would NEED to slice a pineapple in mid-air...
Possibly if a poorly-armed Polynesian gang moved into the neighborhood.
Or if I were part of a troop of fruit-juggling circus performers, and the act needed some serious spicing up.
Otherwise, it makes you wonder just a bit what the brainstorming sessions for these made-for-TV products look like.
Ah, picture it... The lead product marketing manager stands at the front of the oval table. "So, people, what sets this product apart from the competition? What do these knives DO? "
A small voice pipes up from the peanut gallery around the table, "Well... they cut food, Sir...?"
"Of course they cut food!" the boss snaps. "All knives cut food. I don't want to market knives that make eating easier. I want to market knives that can... oh, I don't know... cut through concrete blocks, or something."
"SuperMegaChop already does that, Sir," one marketing flunkie points out.
"Okay, then--" continues the lead marketer musing a moment. (I like to think of him as played by Brian Doyle Murray in a bad toupee.) "I want a knife that can... saw through a car hood!"
"MarvelBlades beat us to it, Sir," another lackey says. "They also market the MarvelGlue to put it together again, and the Marvel UltraSuedoShammyPlus to buff it out."
"Fine, fine, fine. Then I want a knife that can--"
"Cut a pineapple in mid-air, sir?"
"Smithers, you're a genius!"
I also always get a kick out of the ad for Gevalia Coffee (or rather, Kafe, for those of us whose finely-tuned tastebuds prevent us from spelling anything in English). Have you seen this one?
The employee is sitting in his office trying to look like he doesn't need to be downsized, when his friend comes in and brings him a cup of coffee. Aw, what a nice gesture, we think. What a wonderful colleague. But this guy, our executive, HE TURNS IT DOWN.
Does he say he's cutting back on coffee? That he's just had a cup?
Why, no. Instead, he says, he's "going to get his own." And he does it in this smooth, cocky tone of voice that makes you think he either skunked his coworker who's been trying to poison him to get that office with the window... or coffee's the keyword for him to go have a morning tryst with Lydia, the office supply girl.
Anyway, he grabs his coat and goes outside, where he completely passes by lovely cafes and well-stocked coffee carts. Instantly, he steps onto the bus (like anyone ever gets a bus that quickly in the city) and...
HE GOES HOME.
Yes, in the end scene, we see him sitting there on his comfy sofa, sipping his beloved Gevalia Kafe in a moment of quiet reflection, the cares of the day washing away. Of course, it also looks like it's about 9am , so his cares were probably related to the bus ride IN.
The irony here is, the next thing Gevalia tells us is how if you sign up to receive Gevalia, you'll get a handy travel mug.
No one has apparently told our executive about the travel mug.
Nope. He's just blissfully unaware that when he gets back to the office after his refreshing coffee moment, clients will be burning mad looking for him...
He'll have missed the entire brainstorming session on kitchen knives....
And Brian Doyle Murray's going to finally remember he'd meant to fire the guy three weeks ago.
It's just as well, because he'll never get another coffee or donut in that office again. And who knows WHAT he'd get for the Secret Santa at the holiday party. I'd imagine it'd be travel mug. Every year for the rest of his tenure.
So, tell me folks-- what commercial have YOU seen which makes you wonder how it ever got on the air? Inquiring minds want to know. :)
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