New!: The Anti-Zombie Bra from Ashley's Armoire

Ladies: Are you tired of going on dates and then finding yourself stuck in the middle of a zombie outbreak?

Sure, that fashionable purse is great for holding a lipstick and some cash. But it just can't carry all the items you need for a well-prepared battle with the Forces of Darkness.

Watch as we try to cram this cricket bat, sawed-off shotgun, and chainsaw inside this standard clutch bag!...

Oh no! The clutch bag has split! Leaving you defenseless, and without cab fare.

And standard dress clothing just doesn't protect your delicate skin from the contaminated bites of undead restauranteurs...

"Yow! That smarts!"

Attractive Blond Actress in Little Black Dress: "So how can I look stylish and still protect myself against zombie plague?"

Glad you asked! Because now, you can take smart zombie defense with you, wherever you go, and for any occasion... Without anyone ever guessing your little secret!

That's right-- it's the new Anti-Zombie Bra™ from Ashley's Armoire®.

The Anti-Zombie Bra™ is made from specially-designed, Sturdie™, space-age engineered bite-resistant fibers. And its push-up style makes all your clothes look great!

But wait-- are those zombies crawling through the restaurant's broken plate glass window? No problem!

Just clap-on the patented Anti-Zombie Projectile™ feature and the first of two steel-reinforced shot-put implants are released at the perfect trajectory to strike tender zombie brainpans, rendering them lifeless husks.

Plus, you can adjust the angle of impact through the clever straps!

But what if you're forced to disguise yourself as a zombie and you haven't had method acting classes?

Simply press the center silk bow and the Anti-Zombie Bra's™ Undead Auto-Moan™ feature laments in your choice of three realistic zombie voices, freeing you from the strains of effective groaning to plan your getaway.

And because the Anti-Zombie Bra™ is from Ashley's Armoire®-- the makers of the Boomstick Beauty™, Massage Glove Chainsaw™ and The Sturdie™ bite-and-bulletproof blanket-- you know it's quality you can trust.

Plus, the Anti-Zombie Bra™ comes in three exciting designer colors: Charming in Darkness Black, Pretty-in-Plague Pink, and Night of the Lift-and-Separate Nude.

So don't be caught dead wearing under-prepared underwire! Order your machine-washable and rustproof Anti-Zombie Bra™ today!

Available only at S-Mart Department Stores. "Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart."


(The idea for this post came thanks to a Google reader searching on the term "anti-zombie bra." I got curious just exactly what that would involve. This may, or may not, bear any resemblance to what that rather unusual searcher was looking for.)

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The ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course

You've always dreamed of being a Jedi... But--like so many of us-- you've finally had to admit the Force just isn't with you... Or your evil-leaning-but-conflicted Dad... Or your pet bantha.

Well, now, with one empowering monthly program, you can simulate all those great Jedi powers you know and love, without all that messy angst and whining about only being a cog in the plan of the Greater Cosmos.

Now you have ForceThis!, the universe's first Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course!

How does it work?

Sign up through this exciting online offer, and we'll rush you the first installment of our ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit: Levitation.

In it, you'll find detailed instructions for the first step toward simulated Jedi Knightdom—levitating objects.

The comprehensive booklet not only gives you step-by-step instructions that will have you simulating real Jedi telekinesis in no time...

...You'll also receive the Invisi-Force fishing line, Propelli-Force casting rod, and Sticki-Force wadded-up duct tape technology to get the job done just like a professional Jedi, or bassmaster!

In no time, you'll be commanding lightsabers from across the room!

Making short work of grabbing that bag of chips from the kitchen...

And inspiring awe among friends and family!

AWED SISTER: "Hey, how'd he do that?!"

AWED BROTHER: "He must have been a Jedi all along! I now regret pantsing him throughout our childhood."

Then, each month, we'll send you a new ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit (plus the cost of shipping and handling). In it, you'll uncover the secrets to a brand new power almost exactly but kinda sorta not quite like the Jedi's do it!

Just watch:

SATISFIED FORCE THIS! CUSTOMER: "I'd always wanted to be able to force my will upon others just like the Jedis do it. But no matter how hard I tried, no one ever seemed to bend to my wishes.

"But now, with the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tool Kit for Mind-Control, I just pull out the kit's clever patented Controli-Force Taser, tell people what I want, and I actually get it! Thank you Force This!"

And because it's self-paced, the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course is perfect for adults holding down full- or part-time jobs, in between playing video games in their parents' basement.

What's more-- financial aid is available; we hear your mom leaves her purse on the kitchen table.

So why wait? Become the simulated Jedi Knight you always dreamed of! Put down that plastic lightsaber and pick up the training you need by contacting us today!

We guarantee-- you'll have a very good feeling about... ForceThis!

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Introducing the NEW Review-in-a-Can from WowSham!

Today's Web is all about networking. And one way to get that attention you need from complete strangers is by writing reviews.

But-- oh-no!-- reviewing things the old-fashioned way means wasting valuable time actually watching the movie, reading the book or visiting the blog you want to talk about!

And that could get you all tangled up in new ideas... (Look out!)

Cut by sharp tongues...(Ouch! )

Or just plain slowed down from building your social empire. (Too slow!)

But now, you can change all that, the easy way! With WowSham's' New "Review-in-a-Can!"

With WowSham's "Review-in-a-Can" you won't lose critical time you otherwise need for espousing the wonders of click-fraud... scraping high-quality content... or sprinkling your site link like fertilizer on forums...

No! "Review-in-a-Can" uses patented Super-Saver Cliché technology to offer you the perfect generic review every time-- right out of the can. Choose from our wide selection of genres...

Like books...

"A classic for all time! Sure to be Oprah's next Book-of-the-Month!"

Movies...

"I laughed, I cried, I wet myself slightly..."

And even blogs...

"Nice blog! I will visit again and again. Would you consider exchanging links?"

All contained in our secret NASA-approved (this product not endorsed by NASA) packaging, so you know it'll always be safe-- and fresh!

And if you act now, and place your order within the next 3.5 seconds, you'll also receive our super-deluxe "Opinion-in-a-Can"!....

Don't want to take time to actually read and understand a forum discussion but still want to make a splash in the community? WowSham's "Opinion-in-a-Can" is the answer for you.

Like original Review-in-a-Can, Opinion-in-a-Can provides the perfect, instant, thought-free response, and comes in the popular communication styles forum-readers like most!

Choose from our all-purpose "Negative Reinforcement" six-pack, including:

• "This sucks!"
• "You suck!"
• "You all suck!"
• "Fail!"
• "Get a life!"
• "I have had enough of this forum. I am leaving. Don't try to get me to come back with a thread devoted specifically to me, begging, because I will probably only lurk in it for half a day to make sure it lingers. (Until I make my equally dramatic comeback.) See ya, suckas! "

Or get our "Friendly Friend" set of six, incuding:

• "I love this thread!"
• "I HEART u guyz"
• "Frend me, I frend u"
• "You make a good point"
• "ROTFL LOL!"

So don't wait! Order your Review-in-a-Can and get your Opinion-in-a-Can FREE. You just pay for shipping, handling, mandhandling, packaging, restocking, prestocking, poststocking, prenuptual and legal fees.

Order now! Customer service reps are waiting to take your money... er, call. Your call.

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