The Internet's All-Purpose, Completely Generic Yet Pithy Tips Post

Tips posts... Everyone loves 'em. The whole Interwebby world is out there looking for advice! But the problem with other tips posts are, they've mistakenly tailored themselves to actual subject matter--

Ha! Can you believe that? Bloggers actually taking rehashed common sense and applying it to a specific situation... Making you have to search all over the Internet Highway for the mediocre advice from complete strangers that you require!

Well, no more! Now there's the Internet's only post that gives you invaluable, completely vague and cliched tips older than your grandmother's girdle, which you can apply to virtually any situation no matter what the topic!

Relationship problems? These are your tips! Blogging questions? These are your tips! Looking to learn how to milk a miniature goat?...

We got your tips right here!

Once you read these tips, you'll return to them again and again, for all your future non-specific, pseudo-wisdom needs!

Okay, do you have your problem topic in mind? Great! Then let's go!

• Examine the situation from the point of view of the other party/s involved. If necessary, use mirrors or analytical tools. Either change, or don't change something, depending on what you discover.
  

• Remember to be true to yourself. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Unless you really, really have to. Or take a break and try again.

• A little time and trouble up front will be appreciated later by you, or maybe someone else.

• Connect with others who have faced your challenges. Find a group or organization and ask questions, unless it is a mime troupe. Because that is a waste of time.
  

• Substitute olive oil.

• Take it one step at a time. Break it into parts. (Unless breaking it into parts would turn it into kindling. In which case: don't.)
  

• Don't get discouraged if you don't see results right away! Remember, anything worthwhile isn't instant. This includes both coffee and karma.

• Make a list of what you want to accomplish. Then check it off, one by one as it's completed, unless the problem includes a lack of writing utensils.
  

• Believe you can. Even if you'll never, ever, ever manage it because you're such a loser.

• Always remember, practice makes perfect. And if it doesn't, just shut up about it. No one needs to know.
  

There! Don't you feel more informed? More enlightened? More On The Right Path?

I knew you would! Care to share what the Internet's All-Purpose, Completely Generic Yet Pithy Tips Post has helped you solve? We'd love to hear it!

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

Helpful Tips to What Gifting Probably Kinda Sorta Isn't

A leaking Jell-O mold wrapped in pretty paper... Sweatshirts bedazzled with love and giant furry decals of cross-eyed kittens... Dollar store Precious Moments knockoffs tied with happy bows...

When it comes to family, gifting can be... an interesting experience. So, I thought it might be helpful-- well-before the whole holiday season pressure hit-- to offer up a few tips to keep in mind when selecting that special something for those you love.

These nifty little hints have been hand-picked based on real-and-for-true moments experienced either first-hand by yours truly, or by those near and dear to me. Because, you know, you really just can't make this sort of stuff up.

Oh-- and if you have a gifting trauma-- er, story-- of your own? By all means, feel free to give us your worst. Of Cabbages and Kings is about nothing if not sharing and learning and growing. (And limiting the amount of anthropomorphic pig figurines one needs to dust each week.)

Okay, here goes:

• If your feet have been inside the Christmas socks, reconsider giving that particular pair as a gift...
  

• If you are unable to resist sharing this specific set of footwear, do not tell the recipient how much your big sweaty feet-- and those of your spouse-- enjoyed testing them out. (Most people really do prefer a lack of toe-jam over quality control.)
  

• 8-year-old boys are not inclined to get excited about shaving kilts.

• Giving someone a book they'll love is nice...
  

• Reading the book first and then presenting it, along with an hour-long lecture on its contents (complete with marked notations)? Not so much.

• When someone thanks you for a gift, try not to respond by saying, "Well, what was I going to do with it?"

• When gifting, do not tell the recipient that the gift was chosen because you would receive two FREE items that were far better than the gift itself...
  

• ...And then share how you squirreled those free items away for "emergency gifts."

• Desk blotters with calendars are more effective when the calendar is for the upcoming year.

• Everyone in the family is unlikely to want a copy of Tom Brokaw's biography, even if the bulk discount is tempting.

• If you don't know what the item is yourself, chances are, it may not be a clever gift idea.

• Always remember to remove the $0.50 sticker prior to wrapping.

• Writing someone a poem, as a gift, is thoughtful...

• Unless it's a five-page epic and you recite it...

• Twice...

• And then spend the next half hour elaborating on the lines that make it so gosh-darned brilliant...
  

• Just to make sure the recipient didn't miss the good parts.

• Reindeer typically have two antlers and two ears. If holiday reindeer earrings have just one ear and antler apiece, they are probably broken --and can't be spun to be "Christmas unicorns."

• Just because someone owns cats, doesn't mean they will get equal pleasure from a day-glo pink "I HEART my cat" t-shirt.

• A cake-mix and permission to use the stove isn't quite the same as an EasyBake Oven.
  

So, all right, folks-- those are the ones I could come up with! Now let's hear your reasons it's better to give than receive...

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A vote for Of Cabbages and Kings at Humor-blogs is better than a one-horned reindeer earring any day. Or drop down the chimney at Humorbloggers because, you know, it's so early they'll NEVER expect it.