"Benaughty! Rise you potential," the banner ad exclaims.
I've been chuckling over this for a few days now, and felt compelled to share. It hovers over my Statcounter stats in rotation with other less grammatically free-spirited ads.
The first time I saw it, I just caught it out of the corner of my eye. And the message routed itself from eyeball to the brain, where it hung in that big echoing room with all the windmills... And it whispered...
"Rise you potentialllllll...."
Rise me potential? What the-?!... I stopped what I was doing and raised an eyebrow. Or rised it.
But when I looked up, the panel had rotated over to something else. So typical of potential, really. There and gone in the blink of an eye.
Well, the next day, there it was again. "Rise you potential." The brain processed it right away this time.
And do you know how the Benaughty folks think I can rise me potential? By placing hardcore "adult dating" ads on this blog!
Yup, there's a surprise. Gosh, we'll be rising all sorts of things, won't we?
The actual surprise, I'd say, was that their main site appears fairly well proofread-- because, well, with a lead-up like that, I simply had to check it out and see.
And yessir, there weren't any of those pesky typos detracting from their offer of big money for connecting beloved readers with buxom Scandinavian hotties who are, in all likelihood, sweaty men with comb-overs who answer to the name of "the Dwayne-meister."
(The sweaty men answer to "Dwayne-meister"... not the comb-overs. Just so we're clear.)
So I actually started to feel a little sorry for the Benaughty people. I mean, here they are, wanting to lure in potential potential-risers. And instead they're probably getting a bunch of amused marketing writers, rigid schoolmarms, Grammar Nazis, and out-of-work copy editors looking for employment.
Bummer!
I sympathize, you see, because I have not been without my own share of typos. Why just recently, when we were here at Cabbages waiting for Godot, I got "Hooked on Phonics" somewhere along the way and he went all Godoh on us for about three hours. Before I was enlightened to my error.
I'm also reminded of a craft project an acquaintance was working on. This girl-- we'll call her "Stephanie"-- Stephanie had a boyfriend who loved the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team. And so she decided she'd quilt this fine fellow a Penguins-themed blanket for Christmas.
A nifty idea and a gift sure to be appreciated, right?
Well, Stephanie worked long hours on this, crafting it in yellow and black stripes, cutting out each square, each letter, with love and care and nimble fingers...
And then it was complete. Thick, fleecy and beautiful, with lots of hand-done touches, Stephanie finally showcased her work.
"Um... Stephanie?... How do you spell 'penguins'?"
Stephanie's face grew dark. "Er... what?"
"How do you spell 'penguins'?"
"P-E-N-Q-"
"Uhhh.... let me stop you right there, Steph. G."
Stephanie had lost all blood to her head and neck at this point. "Excuse me?"
"It's G. P-E-N-G... U-I-N-S."
She probably would have been better off just quilting, "Go Pens."
So remember, folks--
Whether you're selling money-making schemes involving "hot broads looking for a good time" who are actually B.O.-radiating Dwayne-meisters...
Or whether you're humor blogging about existentialist literature while undercaffeinated...
Or whether you're just trying to create the gift that keeps on giving...
Good proofreading really can be your fiend.
Er... freind. Er...
Beware the Penquins.
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