"You say you took someone else's medication? And how do you feel?...
"You feel high?... Well, when did you take it?...
"A minute ago?" The pharmacist winced and pushed at the bridge of his nose. He switched the phone to his other ear, and motioned at me to show him what I needed.
Optimistic fellow. I indicated I'd wait. From what I could tell, this dude was going to need all of his attention for the live one on the phone.
He looked grateful for a fleeting moment, then listened, and quickly interrupted the caller. "No, no, don't drive if you feel high. Don't get in a car..."
"No, that medication shouldn't hurt you, but if you're feeling high, just stay home." The pharmacist flashed me a pained smile.
Then he blinked with surprise. "Pissing all over the place last night? But you just took the medication a minute ago... When did you take the medication?...
"Oh! Someone else is pissing all over the place? Well, I thought we were talking about you." The pharmacist was looking like he'd gone two rounds with Mohammad Ali to poor results.
"Let's just focus on you and the medicine you took," he went on patiently. "...No, no, don't try to operate a car."
At this point, I was wondering if there were sainthood options for well-meaning, young martyred pharmacists.
Dub him "Saint Tolerance of CVS"...
"Saint Put-Upon of the Holy Mortar and Pestle"...
Or maybe just "Saint Dustin of the Eternal Refill." I don't know. I'm not quite up on these things.
It made me grateful, though. At least in my line of work as a marketing project manager, when clients are befuddled, it isn't a question of life, death and heavy machinery operation.
Bodily fluids are oh-so-rarely involved.
And I almost never, ever have to play 20 questions to determine where urine is coming from, and its original ETA.
No, my challenges usually involve trying to explain that just because puce, chartreuse and teal are a CEO's favorite colors, it doesn't mean they'll necessarily make a snazzy impact for the new corporate logo...
That more flashing, spinning blimp-shaped bullets are probably not "tasteful attention-grabbers"...
And that anonymous surveys tend not to yield a whole lot of useful mailing list information.
Tricky at times, yes. But rarely hanging in the balance of stomach-pumping or daisy-pushing...
Hypochondria or hearses...
And definitely not rabbit-chasing grannies causing five car pile-ups on the Parkway, instead of simply sleeping it off in the La-Z-Boy in front of Oprah.
My heart goes out to the folks on the pharmacy front lines.
Now, I do know you've got to complete a certain number of miracles to apply for sainthood...
But I think if Our Pharmacist of Perpetual Patience managed to stop Great-Aunt Myrtle from hitting the roads higher than Grace Slick on a Wonderland Weekend... her pee-soaked companion riding shotgun...
Well, that would have to count for something...
Wouldn't it?
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