Orange-Ray Junior, Where You At?

So over the past few weeks, I have come home from work anticipating my next installment in a brand new form of entertainment-- the answering machine message saga featuring the family of one "Orange-Ray Junior."

Now, part of this is my fault, and I take responsibility for it; on my landline answering machine, I had left the default computerized male voice that instructed callers to leave a message at the beep without recording my own message. This was for two reasons-- one, every time my power goes out it wipes out any customized message and I have to re-record it. And two, I didn't really want strangers to know who lived at the address. Safety reasons, dontchaknow.

But to the family of one "Orange-Ray Junior," the fact that they kept calling a number day after day, and Orange-Ray the Younger never connected with them, appears to have been no major red flag that something was amiss.

Initially, I couldn't tell what name it was these determined folks were even saying due to the uniqueness of the name and the family's hearty Southern drawl. But last night's episode, courtesy of "Nana-Pam," clarified the moniker of our remarkably social leading man.

The series began like this:

"Now, Orange-Ray Junior, Paw-paw said he'd go huntin' with ya, so you give him a call back." (Click.)

I suspect Orange-Ray the Second did not make that call.

Two days later:

"Orange-Ray Junior, you got that appointment you gotta git to, so you be there, you hear me? I think this is yer phone, ain't it?"

I'm not clear on how asking an answering machine could resolve that question when you never leave a call back number, but maybe the family has a nuanced insight into that which I don't.

About four days after this:

"Orange-Ray, you coming over the hill yet? Okay now, bye." (click)

At this point, I'm dying to know where in tarnation, with a Pittsburgh city area code, these people were calling from.

And presumably if they knew O-R, Jr. should be coming over the hill, they talked to him at some point between the answering machine messages I received. So did no one ask him over the Thanksgiving festivities about his number?

Apparently not. Because, last night, as I swept in from work, I saw another red light flashing on my answering machine. My hand reached for the button with excitement. Could it possibly be?

Yay! It was!:

"Orange-Ray Junior, this is Nana-Pam. This is your answering machine, ain't it? 'Kay, bye."

Once I got done laughing, I decided I would let Orange-Ray's family off the hook-- in a very literal way-- by leaving them a message. It is as follows:

"You have reached the answering machine of a person who is not, in fact, Orange-Ray Junior.  
"If you'd like to leave a message for me, that would be terrific!  
"If you're a member of Orange-Ray Junior's family, I'm sorry, I don't know where he is, but he doesn't live here. I think he gave you all the wrong number. Good luck!"

And I imagine this should clear up any confusion on their end. But I admit, I'm going to miss the messages.

I am going to miss the visions I had of the Orange-Ray Junior clan, heading up over hills, going hunting with Paw-paw, hanging out with Nana-Pam, and using a compact, sectionable fruit as a name that carries on from one generation to the next.

Thank you for the joy, Orange-Ray. You have made the past weeks merrier ones.


If you can believe, I came home last night to another flashing light on the answering machine. And yes, there was another message for Orange-Ray. THAT'S RIGHT-- even after changing my outgoing message to address the problem.

The latest installment went as follows:

"Orange-Ray? Did Pappy let you in? 'Kay, bye."

So there's a Nana-Pam, Paw-Paw AND Pappy. The cast of characters grows!

Also, in listening to this message, I think I MAY be wrong about the Orange-Ray name. It might be some very drawn out, multi-syllabic version of "Andre." (Owendre?) But I can't make my vowel do the stretching exercises to make it work realistically.

So the mystery continues.


Janene said...

OMG. They sound straight out of 'The Beverly Hillbillies!'

Anonymous said...

Orange-Ray? So still wondering where the name came from...odd name for a person. That's the answering machine I would leave: "So where did the name Orange come from? Please explain. I've got plenty of tape here so go ahead and tell me."

Unknown said...

Janene- I know-- with every new name, the hillbilly visions were getting stronger!

UnfinishedDude- Ah, crap, I missed my opportunity! I will try rerecording my message tonight to include that. They don't call every day, so there's a good chance I might be able to change it before they call again.


TJ Lubrano said...

Hahahaha this is too funny. I want to have an answering machine just for stories like this. Now, fingers crossed, that they will call again :D *crosses fingers*

Jaffer said...

Some Years ago, I got a new home number... which unfortunately was recycled by the phone company I believe.

The first few months, I would handle folks from far away Jamaica and some others.

Eventually after putting all the pieces, I came up with a story ... and mind you... this may not be true... but whoever had my number swindled many people out of their money and 'those other people' were Collection Agencies and REPO men.

Thank goodness, they didn't know where I lived. LOL

Melanie said...

Doncha just love phone number mix ups?

I no longer have a land line but the voice mail on my cell gives me plenty of entertainment.

Several Sunday afternoons ago, I got a message from Jerry wanting to make sure I'd have the station open when he got there with the fuel because he was going to be late.

I feel a little guilty for not calling Jerry back and telling him that he had reached the number of a cook and not whatever gas station he was delivering fuel to.

Unknown said...

TJ- I think it would be particularly funny if they STILL leave messages for Orange-Ray, even after my answering machine message.

Jaffer- That's possible, you know. I did used to get calls for someone who had defaulted on some loans. They tried all sorts of things for me to admit I was this other woman. Like someone pretended she had won a radio contest and could I just get a message to her to say she'd won... You could tell the caller was hoping I would say, "Oh, actually I AM so-and-so." That went on for months.

Melanie- Often folks don't even leave a call back number, so there's nothing you can do. Nana-Pam sure didn't. :)

laughingmom said...

I love your out-going message change!! We get calls for the Wal-Mart Pharmacy all of the time. I have actually called people back to let them know that their drugs wont be ready when they expect. Orange-Ray reminds me of the legended twins "Lemonjello" and "Orangejello" that were supposed to have been born at the hospital here.

Deray said...

I don't miss calling mix-ups because we got plenty in the lab. They usually go like this:

Person: "Hi, I'm calling to see if I can cancel my appointment?"
Me: "I'm sorry, you are calling to a research lab"
Person: "So, you can't cancel my appointment?"
Me: "No, this is not a hospital lab, this is a University lab"
Person: "So, you don't have doctors there?"
Me: "I'm sorry you have the wrong number" -hangs up- (so tempted to explain that we DO have doctors here only not the kind she was looking for jajajajaja)

Unknown said...

Laughingmom- I'm imagining the story behind Orange-Ray's name is something like that, too.

Deray- No, no, don't tell them there are doctors there-- you'll only get rescheduled appointments later. :)

meleah rebeccah said...


OMFG! I am laughing so hard, I can't even type a comment!


You need to post those messages so we can hear the accent and all.

Unknown said...

Meleah- I KNOW. I shrieked when I heard last night's message. It's too much. It's just entirely too much.

I don't have all the messages-- I had deleted a few of them-- but I do have two of them. I'll have to see how I can get it posted.

Cathy in South MS said...

My dad worked offshore with a man named Orangejello-pronounced "ah ron je lo". He told my father his mother got his name at the grocery store. Not sure how you pronounce lemonjello.

ReformingGeek said...

I guess you don't have caller id?

It makes your wonder if they are calling long-distance. Ka-ching.

Figure it out, folks!

Alphabet Soup said...

OMG! This is the best laugh I've had in a long time!!! Thanks so much for sharing!

dawt said...

Too, too funny!! I hope you figure out how to post the audio. Thank you for the much-needed laugh!

Unknown said...

Cathy- Le-MON-Juh-low, I'd guess. :) Too funny.

ReformingGeek- But I don't get charged on a landline for incoming calls like I would if it were a cell phone.

Takin' it- Ah, I'm glad you got a laugh. I am still shaking my head.

Dawt- Always happy to spread some needed mirth around.