The Spam Username Dictionary

"Steakyjak." That was the fake name some apparently carnivorous spambot sent me, as it auto-applied for membership in a forum I used to admin.

Recently, I've been getting one notice like this every hour, and a few in-between, sort of like the chimes of Big Ben but without all that fun, historic bonging.

Steakyjak was but a single metaphorical bong. And the name found me singing Spinal Tap's song to a slightly different set of lyrics:

"You're a spammy one, Steakyjak... You're a scammy one, Steakyjak."

I deleted this message, but the spamminators soon offered me a new registrant:


Oh, I know-- I can't believe I didn't think it was a real person, either.

Weren't there Runnyamothnots living on The Cape last season? Didn't Mrs. Runnyamothnot teach eighth grade English? Don't we see the runnyamothnots migrate along the Amazon river basin each year, bullying the local capybara and starting shoving matches with spider monkey gangs?

So since I haven't been able to figure out how to get the system to stop sending me automated messages, I've decided to channel these great spam usernames into something entertaining and useful...

The Spam Username Dictionary. And YOU all might enjoy playing along. These are just a few of the names I've seen in the past week, and some possible definitions for them. Of course, I am happy to take alternate suggestions from your creative brains!

  • Unfantis: (un-FAN-tis) The baby prince who has absolutely no chance of ever wearing the crown unless he goes completely Lucretia Borgia on his whole family. "If the Brady Bunch were royalty, Cindy would be the true unfantis, but Jan would buy the poison."
  • Apeenody: (Uh-PEE-nod-dee) Parental approval-- often overly enthusiastic due to too many years of diapers-- for a successful potty training session. "Little Timmy was so proud because he achieved apeenody for not wetting his Pull-ups."
  • AMubsmoumb: (MUBS-moob) That mole you aren't sure if it's more raised than it was before or whether it's changed color or not. "How can you tell if a mumbsmoub has changed color or not when, in paranoia, you keep poking it?"
  • Loffwrodovo: (Lof-roe-DOE-voe) The act of finding your own writing so funny you laugh at it even when no one else does. "The lengthy loffwrodovo in the middle of her presentation left the audience less than impressed."
  • Duatomunny: (DOO-uh-TOE-mun-nee) Advice people give you whether you want it or not. It is a synonym for the phrase "putting in your two cents worth." "Her mother in law's duatomunny covered everything from what laundry detergent to buy to how to properly iron her husband's underwear."
  • Bloolifog: (BLOO-luh-fog) Mist that takes on an eerie color that makes you worry just a little you will start hearing music composed by John Carpenter. "The bloolifog swept in so quickly, she refused to answer the sudden knock at the door."
  • Ignomowcow: (IG-no-MOE-cow) A bovine who lacks the innate knowledge other cows seem to have about returning to the barn on time. "The cows had all come home, but that ignomowcow, Bessie, stood in the far pasture under a rising moon by herself.
  • Kandinaf: (KAN-din-aff) The relentless need for a piece of chocolate or other sweet after dinner, especially when you're on a diet. "Though she only had a light dinner, the kandinaf was so strong, Mary devoured a whole box of truffles."
  • Treabstrott: (TREEB-strot) Insulting term for the person who purposefully does a bad job on a project he doesn't like, so it gets passed to someone else. "Matt was such a treabstrott, he not only managed to get out of the job he was hired to do, he somehow got promoted to an even higher position."
  • Flooderbob: (FLUD-der-bob) The items in your basement that take on a boatlike quality when you get too much rain at once. "I knew we had a lot of rain, but I never expected to see my stored Tupperware go all flooderbob around the basement rec room." This could alternately be the awkward footage you take of a butterfly or other fast-moving object. "I tried to hold the camera still, but my Youtube video is still flooderbob."

Well, that's all I have for today. But I could still use some help defining:
  • Impurismub
  • Spoolounump
  • Megastof


meleah rebeccah said...


You're definitions for these spam names are SOFA KING FUNNY! I have TEARS running down my face from laughing so much.

I think this might be my favorite:

"Ignomowcow: (IG-no-MOE-cow) A bovine who lacks the innate knowledge other cows seem to have about returning to the barn on time. "The cows had all come home, but that ignomowcow, Bessie, stood in the far pasture under a rising moon by herself"


Unknown said...

Meleah- You know, I once got a chance to see "the cows come home" at a friend's relative's farm. We were having a picnic and the farmer looked at his watch and said, "Well, should be about time for the cows to come back." I thought he was making it up, trying to be funny.

But there, as if they all were wearing Bulovas (or Bullovas, I guess), came the cows over the hill from the lower pasture and they put themselves in the barn. I had never realized cows held to such a strict routine before.

Jaffer said...

Well, it's not just bovine ... When my mother's family reared goats in the past, they'd be let them outta the shed in the morning and they'd be off to who knows where.

But they'd be back right on time just before the sun completely set every day.

I guess they'd be out in the pasture longer in the summer time.

Unknown said...

Jaffer- Goats, too, huh? That just amazes me. They MUST use the light to decide when to come in. Their little internal Goat Alarms go off.

cmk said...

Dairy cows 'know' when they need to be miked. My uncle never followed daylight savings time on his farm because it would mess the cows up. Makes sense...

cmk said...

And that is supposed to say 'milked,' NOT 'miked.' :D

angelawd said...

So very funny! I think "Megastof" is the big vat of mystery meat they used to serve in my Junior High cafeteria. Sometimes it tasted like chili, sometimes like beef and gravy, but always gross.

Unknown said...

CMK- When they need to be miked, and not milked, they usually spend more time hanging around the green room first, getting their eyelashes curled and hides brushed. :)

Angela- I LIKE it. I always wanted to know what those big vats of stuff were called. And now we know!

Noah Garcia said...

...and I thought all this time apeenody meant that someone pees notty. Good post :-)

Janene said...

Hee hee! Good ones! There are some ridiculous spammers out there, and now you've made them even sillier. As for help? Megastof sounds like a horder to me. Bet they load up on toliet paper and Chef Boyardee ravioli at Costco.