Ideas to Labor Over

Ah, Labor Day-- a time for workforce appreciation, blowout this-weekend-only furniture sales (until next weekend, when we have another one), and me, off stuffing myself with hotdogs, pasta salad and roasted marshmallows at a friend's annual picnic. Woo and hoo!

And, see, I like you SO much-- you excellent Friends of Cabbages-- I didn't want to leave you without any Cabbagey-goodness today, should you happen to pop by between the potato salad and watermelon. So this holiday Monday I offer you some "Ideas To Labor Over"-- a small photo collection of things that maybe could have been thought through just a bit better...

Like these detour signs I spotted on my way to work Friday morning. See the orange signs on each side of this street?

I wanted to give you a big picture view first, so you'll see I'm not jiving you...

How about now?... No?

Closer?-- Okay, how about now? Here is the left hand sign...

"Trail Detour" and an arrow pointing left. Now, on the opposite side of the very same street....

That's right. "Trail Detour" and an arrow pointing...right. The exact opposite direction of the other sign, yet 50 feet away.

Yep, welcome to Wonderland. This is my city. And I am so, so proud.

In addition to my chat with the Tweedles -Dee and -Dum in Public Works, I would also like to have a little word with the very non-local Garnier Fructis People. It's a nice shampoo, I really can't complain about the product. It's their packaging...

See, I'm a marketer myself, I know how these things go. Someone probably said a goal for this product was to look environmentally sound-- "green"-- but "hot" and "today" and "high-tech." So someone did some mock-ups of what the bottle would look like... if it mated with a rollerball mouse...

Oh, it's cute and all. Rollerball mice always are. But the thing is-- and say I lack vision if you must-- this is still a shampoo bottle. And one of the main things people do with shampoo bottles, is turn them upside down so the shampoo is easy to get out.

Rollerball mice do not function well in a face-down prone position.

Neither does this bottle. Nevermind the fact that the first time I got one of these bottles, I spent ten minutes thinking the ball was actually integral in some way to getting the bottle open.

It's not. It doesn't roll, it does nothing but flip like any other shampoo lid. The thing is, round, ridgeless flip tops are also extremely hard to grip and lift with wet hands. Wet hands which you probably have in, say, the shower.

Flat tops, Garnier People.... tops as flat as Jim McMahon's hair. That is what I want.

Now this-- these may look like simple plastic shower loofahs to you. But what you see here are actually "Loofites," an alien species which has subtley infiltrated Earth as harmless skin exfoliants, in its unending quest for World Domination.

I mean look at how they start out. The Loofite on the left is small, cute, compact, and available at the grocery store for the affordable price of $1.

But within weeks, due to the wet environment in which they thrive, the Loofite has grown to two, nay, almost three times its original size! If I did not send the larger of the two Loofites away from the moist atmosphere it needs to grow, it would now be evicting me from the shower in a deep baritone voice, and calling in its mother ship, which some say looks like a giant backscrubber but is actually just very advanced alien technology.

Well, that's it for today. To folks here in the U.S., I wish you a happy day of non-laboring. And to my friends in the UK, Canada, and elsewhere around the world, well, you probably just had a bank holiday or something, didn't you? I will have a lips-and-beaks-filled processed meat casing in your honor!

Vote for Of Cabbages and Kings at Humor-blogs. Because it would be nifty-cool to actually get into the Top 30 before I have a coronary from too many processed meats.


crpitt said...

Ha at the looftie! They are called body scrunchies over here, I think... In fact I don't really know.

Unknown said...

Claire- I have a few friends who all call them "those puffy things"... but somehow I'm pretty sure they don't really go by that name.

Anonymous said...

The cats call them "cat toys". That handle is great for swinging them. And yes... they are from outerspace. I never bought one, and still 2 found their ways into the house.

Da Old Man said...

Your description of Holiday fare reminded me of my sister when she was a kid. She would only eat bologna after carefully checking it over to ensure it was toenail free.

Greg said...

Well, whatever I was going to say was completely EEEEWWW ICKKKKK-ed out of my head by the whole business of bologna and toenails. AUGH!!!!!!!!!!! (Thanks, Joe...)

"Loofites"?! Is that what we call them? I use one, but didn't know that. You're right about the way they grow,'s ridiculous...

Anonymous said...

Love the trail signs! LOL!

However, I do not love the shampoo bottle. Shampoo bottles should be functional and stand on their heads and be easy to open. I don't care what they look like, nor am I so shallow that I will make a purchase based on their outward appearance. Quite the opposite!

Having had my share of shampoo and conditioner bottles which won't stand on their heads, are difficult to open or have completely NON-removable caps so you can't get the last bits out, I sympathise, and shall now boycott Garnier Fructis in solidarity and sisterhood!


Alice said...

Yo Jenn! Working my way through your posts - but just got called away to read 'Ramona the Pest'. I loved your schooltime gin rummy story. How evil of that teacher to take your cards. Harumph! I'll be back later babe!

Unknown said...

WordTapestry- The cats call them cat toys, because cats know anything in the house is theirs. "Cat" from RedDwarf had it right. It is here and I shall call it "MINE." :)

I once tried asking for "those puffy things you use to scrub with in the shower" at a store, and they directed me to "Loofahs." So I'm guessing that's what they're called.

Da Old Man- But you couldn't see the toenails anyway-- they're ground up with the lips and beaks.

Greg- Cabbages in not responsible if other visitors make comments that cause you to gag, choke or chunder.

And yes, I always suspected those loofahs got bigger, but I had no idea how drastic their growth was, until I had a side-by-side comparison.

Jay- I am glad to see someone else offended by the silliness that is this shampoo bottle. Huzzah, sister in sensible shampoo packaging! I salute you!

Alice- Hey, I hope all is going really well for you-- I miss reading your regular stories and I hope Vanilla Ice is doing well.

MYM said...

Jenn, you'll have to go to BC where TimeThief gave everyone a lesson on how Labour Day was first started in Canada. I don't have all the references she does, lol.

I spend the day on my couch.

But that trail detour looks pretty good. That's the kind of trail I could master, LOL!!!

Okay, the looftie thingies! I had one once, don't think I ever used it. Yes I wash! But just use soap. Nothing fancy. And nothing that grows!

Unknown said...

Drowsey- Heh, I think I'll just take your word for it about Labor Day, and save myself the next four hours of research on the finer points. :)

You're smart in foregoing the alien-in-disguise loofah. Soap gets SMALLER. It knows who's boss.

Adam said...

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