"Where's the action? Where's the sex? Where's the gratuitous violence, and the remakes of the remakes of remakes that we've come to know and pay seven dollars for at the box office?"
Well, now there's Extreme Classic Novel Makeover! Check out just a few of the exciting classic novels being modernized to accomodate our short attention spans, fast-paced technology, and morbid fascination with self-centered people with no original thought who'd sell their grandma into slavery for five minutes on camera.
Let's look inside!...
- Waiting for Dogot- The existential tale of two people waiting forever for that Taco Bell dog to appear on their computer screens, after an email forward promises it will-- so long as they sent it to five people.
- Last of the Mojitos- Social worker Natty Bumppo holds a peace negotiations party with a local warring gang only to find relations even more strained when the mixed drinks begin to run out.
- Jane-Air- The dramatic tale of forbidden love, dark secrets, and the first quality central air-conditioning system.
- The Old Man and the C- An aging fisherman finds new fishing restrictions encourage a career change as a C programmer. Look for the second book in the series, The Really Old Man and the C++.
- The House of Seven Clark Gables- Los Vegas celebrity impersonation business faces eviction and a sudden, disasterous lack of character variety.
- Lord of the Fries- After a nuclear holocaust, local life revolves around a fast food restaurant, where high calorie foods are used as a barter system, and survivors struggle for power and tasty fried potatoes.
- Atlas GPSed- The philosophical tale of how individuals must find their path in life, even if it involves advanced satellite technology.
- Call of the Girls Gone Wild- The tale of an aging domestic goddess lured by a life of boob-flashing, booze and competing for male attention against girls half her age.
- Uncle Tom's Condo- The eye-opening story of social unrest among the condo set as a middle-income family manages to purchase property in an elite neighborhood.
- The Man in the Iron Chef- An edge-of-your-seat thriller about the arrest and imprisonment of a Japanese culinary artist forced to participate in a regular televised cooking competition or face deadly consequences.
And now, you fans of Extreme Classic Novel Makeover can suggest titles you'd like to see in our Extreme Classic Novel Makeover Library! Just leave a comment below or send your self-exploitative video file to: extremeclassicnovelmakeoversowedonthavetothinkanymoreoftheseupourselves @ extremeclassicnovelmakeover dot com.
See you on the flipped page, friends!