I was talking with a friend the other day about what, as children of the 70s and 80s, we were and weren't allowed to watch on television. And looking back, the overarching results are pretty entertaining:
- If the stuffed clown doll tries to strangle a child protagonist: Jenn can watch it
- If a dude with an axe threatens his wife Olive Oyl in remote hotel location: Jenn can watch it
- If a boy is eaten by a possessed tree: Jenn can watch it
- If possessed trees uproot themselves for world domination: Jenn can watch it
- If a hotel owner pokes lots of holes in Jamie Lee Curtis' mom in a shower, while dressed like grandma: Jenn can watch it
- If plague-ridden, scythe-carrying seamen go after Jamie Lee Curtis, her mom and Adrienne Barbeau during a weather anomaly: Jenn can watch it.
- If Melanie Griffith's mom gets nearly killed by pretty birdies, and Bob Newhart's first wife gets pecked to death: Jenn can watch it
- If little creatures live in the fireplace and go after a housewife named Sally: Jenn can watch it.
- If Kurt Russell is in Alaska with aliens: Jenn can watch it
- If Kurt Russell is in San Francisco with ancient Chinese evil: Jenn can watch it
- If Kurt Russell has only one eye in a post-apocalyptic society, and Adrienne Barbeau isn't being chased by plague-ridden seamen: Jenn can watch it
(Hmmm, now starting to wonder about this Mom-Kurt Russell trend...)
What Jenn could not watch, under penalty of no-phone-calls-to-friends-which-might-as-well-have-been-death was:
- Charlie's Angels. I never did find out what my mother's problem with this show was, other than she said she felt they were poor role models for a girl. Ironically, I was allowed to watch James Bond films with Dad because, apparently, Pussy Galore was candidate for a Nobel Prize or something. Go fig.
- Any John Waters films. I knew why I wasn't allowed to watch these films. It was explained to me like this: these movies were about teenagers who "Sassed Their Parents."
So now that years have passed, I've finally figured it out. The logic was, monsters and evil clown dolls (and Jamie Lee Curtis' boobs) weren't real. But Kids who Sassed Their Parents were real.
And that was the most horrifying thing of all!
(Insert bone-chilling b-movie horror scream here!)
So tell me: what weren't you allowed to watch on TV growing up?