The Of Cabbages and Kings Career Test

In this tough economy, downsizing and industry shake-ups mean people are making career switches like never before.

But at Of Cabbages and Kings, we're here to help. So we've designed a simple quiz you can take, to assess your personality and guide you to the job you'd always dreamed of! (If that job is among the slim amount of choices we've predetermined based on our completely non-scientific series of questions and the fact that we're also pulling your general lower calf region. )

Let's get to it, then!


1.) In the morning, when responsibilities await me, I tend to:

a.) Get up and get 'er done
b.) Lie around for a few hours in bed, or possibly a farmer's field, and contemplate the meaning of responsibilities and whether they're socially-constructed
c.) Delegate the responsibility to someone else who'll get up and get 'er done. What do I have these people for, anyway?


2.) When life hands me lemons, I usually:

a.) Make a refreshing and lightly-tart iced beverage from them
b.) Wonder where those lemons came from and why anyone would plant a lemon tree here
c.) Wonder why no one's put them to good use yet, ring for service and lecture that person on the shameless lemon waste in society these days. Then insist on them making me a nice tall, cool glass o' lemony goodness.


3.) If I were to describe my greatest strengths, I would say they are:

a.) Loyalty, problem-solving and strong work ethics
b.) Ability to sit still for hours at a time and not wilt. Also ability to work closely with pork
c.) My keen sense of self-preservation, I look great on a jewel-encrusted chair and I always know who to hire to taste my food for me, even though that particular position tends to be a revolving door, the losers.


4.) If I were to describe my greatest weaknesses, I would say they are:

a.) The fact that I'm likely to be unemployed/am unemployed now
b.) I tend to get a bit gassy
c.) I have no weaknesses, and even if I do, we'll just see what my hired spin doctors have to say about it!


5.) If I have some free time, I like to spend it:

a.) With family, watching films/television, playing sports or reading
b.) Basking in the sun. Or rain. Or hail. Or whatever. I don't leave home much unless someone makes me.
c.) Counting the heads on pikes outside my window, or possibly doing the backstroke in my treasure room


6.) When I deal with other people, I would consider myself:

a.) Pretty outgoing, but with moments of reserve
b.) I keep to myself. Even in a row of others like me. I'm basically very quiet. Largely, because I'm introspective. But also because I have a head, but no mouth.
c.) A person of the people, absolutely. Easy-going. Magnanimous. Beloved. Warm. Kind-hearted. Sympathetic. Unless they annoy me, in which case, they had better not if they know what's bloody-well good for them.


7.) If I went on vacation, I would like to go:

a.) To the beach, or maybe the mountains, but I'm on a budget
b.) What's wrong with it right here? Here's nice. I have roots here. Haven't you heard of a staycation, dude?
c.) My summer palace. Or my winter palace. Or maybe just the far left wing of this place, since I've never actually been over there. I hear it's nice.


Congratulations! You completed the Of Cabbages and Kings Career Test!
Now, let's find out what the right career for you might be!

Simply tally up your total points according to the following chart:

• If you answered "a.," receive 1 point
• If you answered "b.," receive 2 points
• If you answered "c.," receive 3 points

If your score is 15 to 21-- You are a King, or some other form of royalty. Pursuing work is so below you, unless you can find yourself an out-of-work army looking to help you take over an already-floundering country, a royal seeking a significant other on eMonarchy.com or a C-level position in the banking industry where they might not notice the difference.

If your score is 12 to 14-- You are a Cabbage. You have your fans, but it's only because they understand your extremely subdued, low-key lifestyle. You don't have many on-the-job skills, but that doesn't really bother you. You're a loner who enjoys sitting, sunbathing and contemplating existential philosophy. Consider a career as a poet, a paperweight, or see if you can get adopted by a King.

If your score is 7 to 11-- You are one of the millions of regular-Joe drones in the work force, and probably have been downsized so some King or Cabbage could have your job and get absolutely nothing done. What career is right for you? How should I know? I'm a regular-Joe drone, too. So take what you can get. And good luck out there!

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