If Social Media Venues Had Theme Songs

The world's going increasingly multimedia. Video and web sites have become like Cheez Whiz to cheesesteak...

Online ads have transformed into mini-iMax presentations, only without someone kicking your chair...

And bloggers insist on sharing their favorite tunes as a kind of background Muzak you can't shut off quickly enough, particularly if the boss is coming by, not that that ever happens because we don't ever read these things at work no really...

(ahem)...

All designed to offer a more dynamic, sensory-oriented online experience.

But I've noticed that with all the new goodies social media sites have, they don't yet have their own theme songs--

Until now! Yes, today at Of Cabbages and Kings, I'd like to make a few preliminary suggestions for theme songs to accompany some of today's most popular social media venues.

(You'll note, I went heavy on the classic rock here, because I figured more folks would know the songs.)

• Twitter- Follow You, Follow Me (Genesis)

• Facebook- You've Got a Friend (Carol King) or, given the mind-boggling number of farm and stray pet apps, At The Zoo (Simon & Garfunkel)

• MySpace- Fifteen (Taylor Swift)

• Qwitter- Ex-Girlfriend, or Don't Speak (No Doubt)

• Friendfeed- Message in a Bottle (Police)

• Digg- Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Tears for Fears)
  

• StumbleUpon- Can't Find My Way Home (Traffic)

• Reddit- Don't Come Around Here No More (Tom Petty) or possibly You Know You're Wrong (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy)
  

• BlogCatalog- Given how many spammers there send me PMs claiming they've click the ads which I don't have, I'd like to suggest: Money for Nothin' (Dire Straits)
  

• YouTube- You Can't Always Get What You Want (Rolling Stones)

• Entrecard- Hello, Goodbye (Beatles)

• LinkedIn- Take this Job and Shove it (Johnny Paycheck)
  

Want to make an alternate suggestion? Or want to add another venue I didn't include here? Just give me a shout in the comments below.

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Social Media Contrarianism or All the Cool Kids are Doing It

"Who Am I Stalking?" Saturday...

Post the Color of Your Bra in Support of Breast Cancer Awareness, or Technicolor Boobs, or the American Foundation Garment Foundation of America...

Virtual gift swaps, and Which Teletubby Would You Be If You Were Creepy and Mono-syllabic quizzes... And Post the Fruit You Most Resemble Weeks and... I don't know... Photograph Your Favorite Fish Day...

It seems the more the social media wants me to do something, the less I want to participate.

I clearly have Social Media Contrarianism.

And I feel guilty about it... I really do... because my online friends are a great bunch of people. Folks I love reading, exchanging ideas with, and getting glimpses into their lives.

But I don't also need to glimpse into their underpants. Especially en masse. There are some things best left to the imagination.

Plus, it's the marketer in the back of my mind (well, maybe not the back, more of the frontal lobe region) that keeps whispering how all of these Facebook apps are not-so-subtlely based on some never-ending cycle of reciprocity that isn't about us at all.

I give you a Farmville cow, you give me crap... er, fertilizer... fertilizer for my fields.

You demonstrate your loyalty to my mafia family by a well-executed hit, I "Make" your little brother Vinnie.

I buy you virtual mockingbird, you buy me a virtual diamond ring.

Until suddenly, we're drowning in this giant time-suck whirlpool. Virtual cows swim by. And virtual Auntie Ems. And when we look around us, the only one who ends up with anything tangible to show for it is Facebook, who just waved six extra hours of ads for whiter teeth in front of our eyeballs.

So my Facebook Event Invitations pile up like the snow on my car.

And Twitter FollowFridays are left unstalked.

Open Houses in the Farmville real estate market will not find me attending, inspecting potential property investments or enjoying the virtual hors d'oevres.

Perhaps I'm missing out. Perhaps I'm a bad virtual friend. But I'd like to think these same folks know they could count on me if they needed something for real. Something that mattered.

Something that didn't mean active involvement in pixelated livestock hoarding.

Just sayin'.

The New Facebook Simulated Maternal Nagging Features

Facebook's starting to sound like dear old Mom. In its deep desire for us all to be happy and connected (and feed lonely farm animals), Facebook has developed a Suggestions sidebar--

--Or what I like to call the "Simulated Maternal Nagging Feature."

This app checks out who's active on your friends list and spins less-rabid Facebook buds into that frumpy, socially-inept cousin who our mother insists that we really should invite along to the party-- and possibly give a makeover.

"Mary Kwyte-Contrary only has 15 friends. Suggest friends for her!" it says.

Now, though Mary may be an individualist, she has always been able to make friends on her own.

But Facebook's Simulated Maternal Nagging Feature is worried about Mary's social life. Mary has friends, yes, but does she have enough friends? Of course not!

And is that really what Mary's wearing in her avatar? And wouldn't she like to just try wearing a little rouge? A little? For Mom? Please?

Why don't you help her, the Maternal Nagging Feature wants to know? What kind of friend are you? Didn't Mom raise you better than this? Help her! Help her NOW!

(Ahem.)

"This is your friend Bo Peep-- Help her find her friends!"

Yep, that's Mother Facebook again, stepping in and wondering why Bo's left wandering in the Facebook fields with less than a 200-head flock around her.

And if you don't make suggestions for Bo right away, well... look out! Mother Facebook has vays of makingk zem flock.

"Johnathan B. Nimble is 48% active. Poke him."

I beg your pardon, Mother Facebook?

Oh-- I see. You want to light a fire under ol' Jack because you think he's not hitting the Facebooks enough...

Instead he's out having a candlelight dinner with Jill--

(you know, outside. In the real world.)

--And not spending his days looking for that dirty bra in Mafia Wars or taking in some lost black duck on Farmvilletown Acres.

But my favorite... my favorite of all Simulated Maternal Nags was when a Facebook friend said she'd just been shown an avatar and was told:

"This is Peter Piper. Reconnect with him."

"But I palavered with Peter peering over his paper and peck of pickled peppers at breakfast. He's my partner," said Penny Whistle-Piper, dryly.

Yes, but that's Mother Facebook, butting in to our relationships again. "You never call... You never write.."

And I think it's getting worse. Soon we'll be getting Suggestions like:

"See our friend Hansel Voodcutterson here? Hansel hasn't logged in for 12 hours. By the time you read this Suggestion, I will be dead from the gas I inhaled after putting my central processing unit in the oven of the Facebook Cafe World app.

"Clearly, Hansel is a selfish boy who cares more for his gingerbread addiction than he does Mother Facebook.

"You could have saved me an untimely shut-down by emailing him to log in. But you didn't. You're just like the rest of them. Why do I bother?

...

"Okay, so I'm not actually dead yet. But I will be. Click here to contact the local news station in Hansel's area to beg him to log-in to Facebook and make his Mother happy..."

"You would if you truly loved me."

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Today's question: Has Facebook or any other online service ever gotten pushy with you?

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Facebook Users Found Massacred in Mafia Wars

Of Cabbages and Kings Gazette-Post-Tribune-Press
by Shannon Maydup

UPPER PODUNK, MO-- Mary "The Homemaker" Johnson was taken into custody today, believed to be the Facebook Mafia Queenpin responsible for the slaughter of rival mob boss Carl "Double-Click" Willis, and members of his gang.

The Facebook Labor Day Massacre, as it has come to be known, began when both players in the popular Facebook Mafia Wars game got into a virtual territory dispute and "The Homemaker" used a secondary app to lob a horse's head at Mr. Willis.

The violence escalated to a series of taunting quizzes, poisoned virtual beverages and eventually led to a full-out physical assault by Johnson, busting into Willis' recroom with an unregistered AK-47 on the Labor Day holiday, leaving 22 picnic guests dead and seven critically wounded.

Ms. Johnson was reported as shouting, "That's for sending me that sad black sheep who needs a home for my Facebook farm app, jerk! Day after day, I had to look at that thing's stupid, sappy eyes and I couldn't give him away! So who's crying now, Double-Click? Who's crying now?"

Some Mafia Wars competitors are nervous.

Says Stephanie "the Knitter" Nelson, a first grade teacher and leader of The Needles crime family, "Today alone I saw two of my former high school classmates get iced, which is a real shame because our 20th year reunion was coming up next month. I'm not sure where it will end. Soon there'll be no one alive on Facebook to post about their lunch and stuff."

And under condition of anonymity, one Mafia Wars participant indicated he wants out and he's getting ready to flee the social media venue under an assumed name.

"I hear it might be safe over at Twitter. I get a new avatar, a new username... I keep an eye on any suspicious Followers, I block who I've gotta block... I might be able to make a new life for myself. We'll see."

But others remain swept up in the power and intrigue of the crime syndicates and plan to continue on their current path.

George "Mouseman" Evans, financial accountant and Facebook user, stated, "What, stop-- Me? Why? I just got made yesterday! Happened right between my toting up accounts payable and accounts receivable. I tell you, I've never been so proud. I had my microwave Spaghetti O's with a small bottle of Chianti just to celebrate."

Unfortunately, as of the time of publication of this story, Mouseman was found dead, face down in his microwavable lunch. Coworkers report he'd just been advising a woman he'd said he knew from college.

The case is currently under investigation.

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Today's Questions:

• Do you play Mafia Wars and every time you try to get out, do they keep dragging you back in?
  
• Have you ever found a horse-head in your bed-- or a lost sad sheep on your Facebook page?
  
• Do you think this is funny, do I look like a clown to you?... Or, say, Joe Pesci?
  

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Bitter: Twitter for the Disgruntled

So you're on Twitter. And most of the folks you follow there are witty, informed, and fit the fun into 140 characters or less.

Yet there are... those people. People you know and would Unfollow, but with every lamenting Tweet, their cloud of doom and gloom always makes you so depressed, it's like, "Unfollow? Why bother? We're all going to die someday, anyway."

They're bringing down your mojo.

Or maybe you are one of those people, and your mojo is just fine where it frickkin' is, thankyouverymuch.

Well, now there's Bitter-- the new social media that condenses crabbing about everyday minutia into a social media art. It's the only social media platform that asks:

"What are you whining about today?"

Did Bath and Body Works discontinue your favorite lotion and the world is now coming to a scaly-skinned end?

Is the bread on your bologna sandwich stale, thus making you question the value of getting up in the morning?

Have you stubbed your toe and need the Internet to know about the pain and injustice endured by the innocent Piggy Who Went to Market?

Bitter is the venue for you!

Simply sign up today and Bitter's elaborate registration process is designed to give you an irritant to Bite about instantly.

MelNcollie this sign-up sux. took 3 tries to work and then didn't have username i wanted.

Then find Commiserators-- other Bitter users-- with lamentations and woes you can identify with and, if not actually pay attention to, act as a sounding board for your more real and true concerns.

Trade one-upsmanships...

SadSister12 My cat wouldn't eat her Fancy Feast this morning. I wasted a tin for nothing.

EmoShawnelle @SadSister12 Oh yeah? At least you have a cat. Mine died last month in a tragic hairball asphyxiation.

Share critical worries with the Bitterverse...

NervousNelly I think my nose has gotten bigger in the last week. Is that possible? Any doctors out there?

Naysayer56 @NervousNelly I heard if it's still growing, it pulls nerves 2 brain n causes perm. neurological damage. C ya.

Or:

NikeMike My shoelace is untied-- AGAIN!! Will life's complications never end??

So for you, or anyone looking for a perfect online outlet for what's bugs, what gnaws, what chafes unbearably against the last raw nerve--

y'know, like getting less ice cream per container yet paying more...

--choose Bitter! "When life bites... Bite back."


And tell us: What ARE you whining about today? :)

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Magical Markets for Oprah Beyond the Twitter Rainbow

Twitter--the social media bluebird that allowed us common folks to connect, make friends, increase blog readership and talk about bacon in 140 characters--recently was discovered by the Wonderful Wizard of Oprah...

And Tweeting, well, it'll never be quite the same.

Yup, Oprah, smart business woman that she is, knows:

It's not good for any area of the media to be simply left to people without their own book clubs, and TV shows, and magazines, and charities, and giant websites....

People who can't merely mention a freebie and then send the store chain crumbling under a lightly-perfumed stampede.

I mean, we non-Oprahs, we weren't really using Twitter responsibly anyway, were we? Just quips, and quotes, and chat, and photos of our lunch, and motivational posters.

But now, thanks to Oprah's great and powerful entrance into the Twittering scene, we don't even have to think of ideas to Tweet ourselves! We have the exciting opportunity to Retreet true Oprahanian Wisdom....

I can't believe we'd managed this long!

So, now that Oprah has expanded her empire to Twitter, it got me thinking about other new and little-imagined marketing niches Oprah might want to also consider:

• Lemonade Stands. No, wait, hear me out on this... Children really don't assure proper food safety with their small-time lemonade operations. But Oprah's "When Life Gives You Lemons" Lemonade Stand could promise suburbanites a reassurance of wellness and safety in every paper Dixie Cup, that little Suzie's stand could not. Think lemonade, using Oprah's special recipe, featured in Oprah's magazine, as demonstrated on Oprah's show. It's perfect! Oh-- but don't think Oprah would be trying to squeeze out your darling children's capitalistic ambitions along with those lemons.... NO! There would be franchise options available to all children looking to make one penny on every ten cents of sales.

• Paper Routes. Along these lines, think about the "Oprah Newsies." Your local paper branded with Oprah helpful tips, advice, quotes and so much more, and delivered by newsies in old timey dress wearing a cute Oprah Newsie logo on their cap. It's just one more way Oprah could help underprivileged children.

• Valentine's Day Candy Hearts. For years, those little candy hearts at Valentine's Day have read things like "Hot 4 u" and "Be Mine" and "Maybe." Well, why not make them truly mean something with special Oprah branding? Think of it this way, Oprah has gotten used to typing in 140 character Twitter installments. She should have no trouble paring it back a bit further to candy-size. I expect we'd see things like: "Dr. Phil Luvs U." "Eat Dinner 2Gether." "Oprah: 2day at 4." Just to keep her franchise top-of-mind during this very special holiday.

• Fortune Cookie Messages. Similar to the Valentine's candy hearts, these fortune cookie messages would be a great way to enjoy a moment with Oprah over the egg foo young, the kung pao... whatever your favorite dish. I mean, Confusius... after hundreds of years, hasn't he already about said all he can say to us? It's time to let Oprah have her shot. Nothing tops off a good hot and sour soup like sweet and spicy wisdom from this media sensation.

• "OprahVee's," a New Oprah-based Taxi Service. These SmartCar cabs would be manned by drivers up on the very latest hot Oprah topics and ready for discussion of the current book club feature. Plus, having completed a Dr. Phil-endorsed psychological training course, these cabbies will be able to counsel you and your family on your ride to the airport, to tourist destinations and more... Travel is stressful, and often a cause of family friction. And in the past, cab drivers have wasted time chatting about the weather, sports, or shouting at other drivers. So why not let an OprahVee you take you where you want to go, and help you learn a little about yourself on the journey?

I'm excited! Are you excited?

Now, obviously, I am very open to hearing any additional ideas you good folks might have, for helping Oprah brand her business well beyond the social media venue where the bluebirds fly!

I mean, there are a lot of regular joes out there struggling to enjoy their little slice of life using mediums that are terrifyingly Oprah-empty... Doesn't Oprah deserve a chance to show 'em how it's really done?

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With Friends Like These: Abusive Spam Relationships

Friendship. It means different things to different people. But I am willing to bet you dollars to donuts (mmm.... donuts) that it does not mean what I'm about to describe to you today.

Monday, I was notified I had a message in one of my social media shoutboxes, so I went to see who had popped by.

Turns out, it was someone I'd never seen on the boards before. For purposes of preserving his anonymity, we shall call him... (and yes, this might be a tad subtle, so bear with me on this) ... "Spamboy."

Pretend you have no idea where this is going.

So Spamboy left me a note to tell me that I had an absolutely astounding example of blogkind ("Nice blog.") and that because of it, he felt compelled to extend to me the virtual handshake of online brotherhood ("I frend U, frend me 2").

Naturally, I read this message and, as warm feelings of joy and camaraderie flooded my heart, I did what any self-respecting blogger would do.

I hit the "Spam" button and binned it.

Okay, now fast-forward to ten minutes later.

"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!" said my email.

And I went to my shoutbox expecting to see a query from Spamboy wondering why I reported his note of goodwill and love as spam. When I read:

"Nice blog. I frend U, frend me 2."

Erm, yeah.

So that message was filed accordingly. And I forgot about Spamboy in the click of the report button.

Yup, it was surprisingly easy for me to move on from this relationship. I answered some client questions. I noodled with a bit of text editing and then, about ten minutes later...

"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!" my email told me.

"Oh, I just bet I do."

And there in my shoutbox was a carefully-written note expressing everything Spamboy had been thinking about our long-abiding frend-ship, and how we could make it work:

"Nice blog. I frend U, frend me 2."

At this, I decided to shoutbox Spamboy-- or what was quickly appearing to be Spamboy's Mass Friend Adoration Expression Robot-- regarding the goals and concerns I was developing regarding our bon amie:

"You have spammed me three times now. Please stop."

And then I sent his message into the special container where I store this sort of meaningful correspondence.

Back to the editing. Back to the being a productive citizen and whatnot. Back to a Spamboy-free life.

"You have a Shoutbox message from Spamboy!"

So I raced to my shoutbox--

"Nice blog. I frend-- "

--And hit the "Block" button this time.

"There, Spamboy! Take that! No frend for you! No more Miss Nice Blog! Hit the Internet highway, ya spammer, and don't come back. Ya bother me, kid!"

Phew! I wiped my brow, took a sip of soothing herbal tea, and went back to work. The wonderful thing about social media, you know, is that you are never without recourse. Never without the ultimate control. You always have options to help yourself when issues arise and...

"You have a new blog review!" my email told me.

"A new review? Why, let me go see!! Just who is it that has taken a fancy to the ol' blog site? Who is it that I have reached through consistent posting, whimsy and a well-meaning attempt at general good-eggishness?"

"Nice blog.
I frend U, frend me 2
--Spamboy
http://spamboysspammyspamurl.com"

And the rating? ONE star.

Yup, Spamboy pulled down my perfect five-star rating. It tell ya, with friends like these...

Or maybe he was trying to spell "fiend"?

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Did Spamboy hit your shoutbox recently, too? Do you have a tale of spam and heartache to share? I'd enjoy hearing about it.

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Rubbernecking the Ridiculous: Tips to Reduce Forum Thread Outrage

You know how cars on one side of the road end up slowing down, compelled to get a glimpse of a tragic accident on the other side of the highway?

That's what I find myself doing in some online forum threads.

What inevitably I see there is the verbal equivalent of a ten-car pile-up. Something that might have once been a respectful point... decent adult discourse... a unique perspective... something we could all learn from... now pulled apart and twisted together again, turned upside down and made grotesque.

A nose where a nose should not be. A leg where an arm once was.

All tangled up metal and smeared with gore and not quite human anymore. Or perhaps all too human. Because I look at it and am still reminded of what it had once been. And mourn what it's turned into.

See, the thing is, I know going into particular threads that this is likely what I'm going to see. Yet I lurk, anyway. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Because each time I do, I feel my blood pressure jet-packing skyward.... I see my belief in basic human decency hitting the southbound express lane...

And I have only myself to blame for it.

Which got me thinking-- there have to be a lot of other folks out there facing the same problem. More silent folks who know we shouldn't look, but still do, due to our own personal weakness... our own compulsions... our own mysterious need to see the unfathomable. Folks who could cure our own ailments by simply hitting that X button in the corner of the browser window. And yet sometimes we still find ourselves crossing the county line from North BlissfulIgnorance to Lower Curiosity.

So I've pulled together a few alternate suggestions, of ways to deal with Forum Thread Rubbernecking for habitual lurkers. Ways to diffuse the irritation, to experience even the most divisive thread with a gladder heart, and to drive past the car crashes without a direct route to Depression. Perhaps one of these techniques will help you, as well:

• Pretend every thread is the next season of the hot new soap opera, As the Stomach Churns. Meet the insidious Lola, the two-faced Thad, the overcompensating Raven, the off-her-meds Angelique, and the contradictory and conflicted Javier.

• Bone up on psychology and play, "Name That Disorder." Uncover phobias, unspoken cries for help, inferiority complexes, covert narcissism and sociopathic mindsets.
  

• Make it into a drinking game, where points are earned every time name-calling occurs, stereotypical labels are flung generously, self-contradictions occur within the same paragraph and report buttons get hit. Chug when threads are removed by administrators.

• Imagine all the participants are giant cranky 2-year olds, complete with Dora the Explorer and Barney t-shirts, rubber pants and security blankies. Predict when naptimes will occur and when the next "time-out" will be awarded.
  

• Make a list of ten impossible-to-believe stand-alone forum quotes a day. Compile them into a best-selling coffee table book.

• Parallel different personalities with literary figures and compare where plotlines diverge.

• Create abstract art to represent each horrifying thread. Sell your work on Etsy, or at local arts fairs with titles like "Flame Warfare No. 12," "2Cute4U19's Confusion" or "Rage in Caps."

Yes, for those moments when you simply cannot make yourself X out, there are still ways to minimize the disappointment, the horror, the disbelief. By employing some simple strategies, it may be possible to get through social media with one's soul intact. Together, I hope we can make the Internet Highway a smoother, healthier, less road-ragey ride for everyone.

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Rate This: Rating the Rating of Ratings

Is it just my imagination, or does it seem like simply everything online is rateable these days?

I mean, just look at all of the exciting social media opportunities we have now! And being able to rate the media on these different venues theoretically allows the cream to rise to the top...

The clotty grease to float over the beef broth...

No, wait...

The wheat to be separated from those inedible stringy bits that taste bad and clog your intestines and only goats can properly digest and... er...

Well, you know what I mean.

But now it seems that not only do individual posts or videos get rated in these media venues, but the comments about the individual posts or videos are getting rated, too.

So folks are commenting on the comments of the commentary...

And then Abbott says to Costello something about a first baseman named Who.

Anyway, I got to thinking about this when I visited an online friend's blog the other day. I noticed her happy little virtual art scrapbook had a "Rate this Picture" section automatically included on it.

And I started wondering-- do her cheerful hobby drawings really need to be assessed and given the "yea" or "nay" by some schmoe like me? Or by Joe Randomvisitor who just happened to pop by because he got lost on the way to YouTube?

Can't something just be good for the sake of trying it? For practicing, for working to be more than you currently are, for following up on the urge to create, and for sharing?

Can you really put a rating on trying and learning?

These are the sort of things I think about in between eating Cheez-Its and watching episodes of "My Name is Earl."

Another aspect of this Weigh-in On Everything Phenomenon happened on a celebrity news program I caught the tail-end of last week. They were talking about Shia LeBoeuf's recent car accident, and to support their idea that fans didn't think getting a DUI would affect Shia's career they had...

Larry from Whoville emailing in through the web site saying:

"I still think Shia is rockin'. He was cool in Transformers, and since he worked so closely with giant talking robots that change into cars and trucks, I think he's totally a good enough driver to man a regular non-talking non-robot vehicle after a couple of brewskis."

Okay, well, maybe Larry from Whoville didn't quite say that. My ears shut down somewhere after the word "rockin'."

But still. The newscaster went on to encourage more emails, allowing other folks from Whoville... and Upper Tarnation.... and Redbud and the like... to express their thoughts on the personal life of an individual they had never met before in a situation they hadn't witnessed.

And then it occurred to me-- if this is the way the trends are going these days, who am I to buck the Will of the People by judging all the judgment? I mean, I'm a helper, not a fighter.

So I came up with a few areas that are currently rating-free as far as I know, but which might really appeal to this brave new world of Complete Audience Interaction:

• Rate This Kindergartener's Artwork. Let's get 'em used to critique while they're still in their Underoos. The kindergarten artwork that receives more "gold stars" gets to be seen on the school bulletin board. Artwork with fewer stars gets the bin and those kindergarten artists are sent to the corner in disgrace, much like being Voted Off the Island. It's a tough world out there, so the sooner these five-year-old cuties learn that other people's opinions off the top of the head will affect their progress in life, well, the better.

• Vote Down Your Most Hated Louvre Paintings. Ever go into major museums and think, "Why is this art?" Well, here's your chance to make your museum visit truly interactive. By voting down your most hated Louvre paintings, the opinions of the first 1,000 people who participate will dictate which paintings get shown to the world and which won't. How many of you are sick of seeing that Mona Lisa chick and her simpering smile? If you're one of the first 1,000, vote it down and the world will never have to see this painting ever again. Yes, that's right-- it'll be wiped from history. What-- you don't know anything about art? That doesn't matter. Today, everyone's opinion about everything is equally important. Yours. Mine. Everyone's. Let's make our voices heard.
  

• Rate the Vacation Memories of Complete Strangers. Vacation slides. The only people they really matter to are the folks who were there. Yep, those people can laugh hysterically at a shot of their dad standing in front of a diner sign, and you have to sit through it in bemused silence. Well, now, you could put an end to the tedium of boring vacation shots you didn't experience yourself by voting them up or down according to your personal interest. Images with the most down votes will be purged from those families' albums, and you'll never have to be bothered by them again.
  

By implementing these and other innovative Interactive Audience Ratings Programs, we'll soon be able to share all our important insights on the comments of the comments of the ratings of the rated. And best of all, we can enjoy all this heady authority anonymously, on any topic, and while never actually having to produce a single creative thing ourselves.

Power to the people!

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