Magical Markets for Oprah Beyond the Twitter Rainbow

Twitter--the social media bluebird that allowed us common folks to connect, make friends, increase blog readership and talk about bacon in 140 characters--recently was discovered by the Wonderful Wizard of Oprah...

And Tweeting, well, it'll never be quite the same.

Yup, Oprah, smart business woman that she is, knows:

It's not good for any area of the media to be simply left to people without their own book clubs, and TV shows, and magazines, and charities, and giant websites....

People who can't merely mention a freebie and then send the store chain crumbling under a lightly-perfumed stampede.

I mean, we non-Oprahs, we weren't really using Twitter responsibly anyway, were we? Just quips, and quotes, and chat, and photos of our lunch, and motivational posters.

But now, thanks to Oprah's great and powerful entrance into the Twittering scene, we don't even have to think of ideas to Tweet ourselves! We have the exciting opportunity to Retreet true Oprahanian Wisdom....

I can't believe we'd managed this long!

So, now that Oprah has expanded her empire to Twitter, it got me thinking about other new and little-imagined marketing niches Oprah might want to also consider:

  • Lemonade Stands. No, wait, hear me out on this... Children really don't assure proper food safety with their small-time lemonade operations. But Oprah's "When Life Gives You Lemons" Lemonade Stand could promise suburbanites a reassurance of wellness and safety in every paper Dixie Cup, that little Suzie's stand could not. Think lemonade, using Oprah's special recipe, featured in Oprah's magazine, as demonstrated on Oprah's show. It's perfect! Oh-- but don't think Oprah would be trying to squeeze out your darling children's capitalistic ambitions along with those lemons.... NO! There would be franchise options available to all children looking to make one penny on every ten cents of sales.

  • Paper Routes. Along these lines, think about the "Oprah Newsies." Your local paper branded with Oprah helpful tips, advice, quotes and so much more, and delivered by newsies in old timey dress wearing a cute Oprah Newsie logo on their cap. It's just one more way Oprah could help underprivileged children.

  • Valentine's Day Candy Hearts. For years, those little candy hearts at Valentine's Day have read things like "Hot 4 u" and "Be Mine" and "Maybe." Well, why not make them truly mean something with special Oprah branding? Think of it this way, Oprah has gotten used to typing in 140 character Twitter installments. She should have no trouble paring it back a bit further to candy-size. I expect we'd see things like: "Dr. Phil Luvs U." "Eat Dinner 2Gether." "Oprah: 2day at 4." Just to keep her franchise top-of-mind during this very special holiday.
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  • Fortune Cookie Messages. Similar to the Valentine's candy hearts, these fortune cookie messages would be a great way to enjoy a moment with Oprah over the egg foo young, the kung pao... whatever your favorite dish. I mean, Confusius... after hundreds of years, hasn't he already about said all he can say to us? It's time to let Oprah have her shot. Nothing tops off a good hot and sour soup like sweet and spicy wisdom from this media sensation.

  • "OprahVee's," a New Oprah-based Taxi Service. These SmartCar cabs would be manned by drivers up on the very latest hot Oprah topics and ready for discussion of the current book club feature. Plus, having completed a Dr. Phil-endorsed psychological training course, these cabbies will be able to counsel you and your family on your ride to the airport, to tourist destinations and more... Travel is stressful, and often a cause of family friction. And in the past, cab drivers have wasted time chatting about the weather, sports, or shouting at other drivers. So why not let an OprahVee you take you where you want to go, and help you learn a little about yourself on the journey?

I'm excited! Are you excited?

Now, obviously, I am very open to hearing any additional ideas you good folks might have, for helping Oprah brand her business well beyond the social media venue where the bluebirds fly!

I mean, there are a lot of regular joes out there struggling to enjoy their little slice of life using mediums that are terrifyingly Oprah-empty... Doesn't Oprah deserve a chance to show 'em how it's really done?



Shawn said...

Hear, hear.

I don't think we should discount the benefits of Oprah Skywriting, either. Imagine walking out of your house, taking your first morning glance at the sun, and seeing a pithy message from the Queen of Daytime written on that incomparable blue stationary that surrounds us. I can't think of a better way to start the day.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shawn- It's like you could read my mind! It's SO true, I mean-- that whole sky thing is just wasted advertising and communications space. Why not take advantage of it with an empowering message-a-day from our good friend Oprah?

DouglasDyer said...

Marketing genius. It's like you just handed Oprah a billion dollars. How about "This shirt was inspected by Oprah." Or, "Please insert applicator into your vajayjay, girlfriend! Love, Oprah"

Anonymous said...

I would love to say something witty or clever, but I hate Oprah so I'll just have to say, Jenn, you're hilarious. She should put you on her payroll. Then maybe I'd like her a little bit.

Midwest Mom said...

Oh, my. You read my mind on this one. I thought Martha Stewart's entry into the Twit-o-sphere was tragic; Oprah's was positively devastating.

How can I possibly add to your amazing list? Oprah inspirational toilet paper? A platitude on every sheet?

That's the best I've got, Jenn. But consider yourself retweeted. I can only hope Oprah is following me. ;D

- Julia at MidwestMoms

Jenn Thorson said...

Douglas- See, you understand. And you know, I just feel it's up to every one of us to band together to help Oprah really communicate the communications of her mass communications to the masses.
New voices out there? BAH!- they can only be eclipsed by the beauty and power of this franchise.

FreetheUnicorns- Ah, but I wouldn't want to take her money... She needs it. There's still so much for her to take on.

MM- Ah, thank you for the Retweet. I mean, you really should be retweeting something from Oprah instead of me... Or at the very least Ashton Kutcher. But since it's all for Oprah in the end, I say thanks!

Chris said...

A new character introduced in the Star Wars series, Oprah-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan's niece joins the darkside, and opens a Stormtrooper Book Club.

Oprah's Space. The one-person online community.

The Grand Ol' Oprah: She picks her favorite country singers and holds annual music festivals.

Phantom of the Oprah: Music of the night, day, afternoon, mid-morning, and dusk.

Just my two cents. Or my two Oprahlings, if we're coverting to the new monetary system.

Jenn Thorson said...

Aw, Chris-- It's inspired!!

I'm not even sure which one I like the best...

Though the "Oprah's Space one-person online community" is still making me chuckle. I kinda can't believe she hadn't tried that one yet.

Anonymous said...

I don't have anything to add...too busy laughing!


Jenn Thorson said...

Quirky- Deep breaths, good woman, Oprah is counting on YOU!! :)

ReformingGeek said...

Oh my and Gosh Dern It to Hades! The world is going to Hell in a Hand Basket!

I nearly died the other night when I heard on the TV said Oprah is running a marathon. She just friggin' ruined it for me.

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- Oh, fer pity's sake, seriously-- a marathon, too?? But, isn't she Big Oprah right now, and not Little More-Svelte Oprah?... All those people running in that marathon, having worked their butts off, dedicating their lives, and all the talk will be about Oprah running in it.

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

Oh my Christ! I hate Oprah.

Now I hate her even more.

She's just evil.

Great post.

Jenn Thorson said...

John- Heh, thanks. Maybe Oprah needs to get into auctions... what do you think?

chyna said...

Here's something to just send shivers down your spine, imagine Dr Phil taking over. Oprah suddenly doesn't sound so bad and that says a lot. Though come to think of it she is the one to release him on the public. We should make her pay for that one. :(

Jenn Thorson said...

Chyna- Yup, Oprah was the one who gave him the springboard for his career. So... er... :)