The flu. Oh, how I have it. And it tends to put a rather unique perspective on life. After three days of the flu, your world goes from deadlines and hustle-bustle and highways to somewhat more modest goals.
Like blinking... Or getting up the stairs before your innards go outtard... Or finding the hidden strength to push the seemingly four-foot tall Play button on your iPod.
Right now, my computer mouse seems to be about 30 feet wide. And if I take a breather between typing each letter, I am able to complete the blog post in only a few hours, with naps.
Which means I must be getting better.
Yes, normal activities are not easily performed, and the days drag on. So I've come up with a list of helpful pastimes that anyone with the flu can enjoy.
- Count the cracks in the ceiling. The great thing about this game is it only requires eye movement. When done counting, play connect-the-dots with the cracks to create interesting pictures. Or just let the dehydration hallucinations do that for you.
- Play 'Guess That Fever.' Guess how high your fever is at any given moment. Keep track for score. A good guess earns you an extra dose of Pepto! (Note: this game requires the assistance of some mobile person who can actually bring you a thermometer. And the Pepto.)
- See how long before your pets actually feel sorry for you. Animals sense sickness. See how long it is before your beloved fido or frisky feline notices you haven't been able to get out of the chair to fill their food dish. Five points if your dog looks at you with pity. Fifty points if your cat actually tries cuddling up to you-- and doesn't just hightail it out looking for a new, more reliable home.
- Play 'What Do You Think Is in the Mail'? Face it, you can't get to the mailbox. And even if you could, opening envelopes takes Herculean strength and loads of time. So make guesses about the content of your mail. Then wait till someone fetches it for you and tally it up. Two points for store circulars. Five points for bills. Ten points for a letter from your Aunt Tillie.
- Do the Two-Hour Getting Dressed Dash. You realize you need to go to the store to pick up more essentials, like Gatorade and Kaopeptate. This requires actually getting out of the whiffy sweats you've been wearing happily for four days. See if you can put on pants, a shirt, socks and shoes in under two hours. If you succeed, buy yourself an extra Gatorade as reward. Of course, you'll have to have someone strong from the store bring it to the car for you.
But, alas- I must go now. I'm off to play How Little Can I Move and Not Grow Moss?
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27 comments:
Damn hun...who the hell gets the flu in the heatwave of summer?? Well at least you've come up with some interesting ways to combat it..wish I had thought of those when I had mono two summers ago..
Get well soon!!
Sorry darlin'. I'd bring you some supplies if I could. Kissy kissy!
Swine flu! Runnnn forrrrr yourrrrr livesssss!!
I'm sorry you're sick. But thanks for entertaining me while you're on your deathbed. I'm all about that--people making my life better while they're incapacitated. Mission accomplished!
Ah the joys of summertime flu and colds. We've had this sinus thing going on around here and while not as dramatic as yours they still bite!
Get better soon. Hey dont forget the catchup tv time on HGTV where you can learn what your family will have to do to sell your house once you've succumbed to your illness and die. ;)
I had a cat once. I got sick, and that lame fuzzball ditched me in my time of need.
Nipsy- Oh, no-- mono... At least the flu only lasts a few days. Mono, I understand, seems to go on forever! Thanks for the well-wishes.
Alice- Thank ye, lady. I'm a bit better this afternoon, happily.
Lorena Rose- Hey, if the last thing I do before I snuff it is make somebody laugh, then I've accomplished something pretty nifty.
Chyna- Thanks for those cheery images. And sell my stuff? Are you kidding? Dad would just keep everything like he does at his own house. That guy can't get rid of anything! :)
C.B.- Yeah, they're fickle that way. You'd think they'd know who fills their food dish, wouldn't you?
Oh, yuck. I'm sorry you're sick. Sometimes I play "Guess What's in the Mail" when I'm perfectly healthy. Because laziness is a lot like the flu. I always brag that I rarely get the flu, but I DO get the laziness quite frequently. At least there's no fever involved.
Feel better soon!
Oh fer crying out loud, the flu in the summer?! That's so not fair.
Along with my hair hurting when I'm sick, my eyes don't move very much without pain either. So the whole counting ceiling cracks is out. But I do alternate whining and hallucinating very well. That doesn't involve too much effort.
Feel better, girl!
You forgot the single greatest game to play while sick...
Guess the baby daddy! The rules are as follows...
1. Turn on Maury
2. Try to watch a complete episode without having your brain melt and leak out of your ears.
3. Guess which one of the 12 thugs the 14 year old was impregnated by... For the third time and then scream, shout and gesticulate at the screen!
Damn I love sick days!
Here is a tip: you animals are never going to feel sorry for you. they just don't want you to die so you can continue to feed them. That is all.
(And feel better soon).
Feverish peoples feel real warm and cozy; I like to get close to them.
Feel better soon!
My cat would probably come into the bathroom to supervise but would run away at the first retch! Forget cuddling.
I'm sorry you are sick. Get well soon.
"Guess that Fever"...great stuff.
Get well soooon!!!
hehe sorry I posted the same comment twice...and then I thought about it...you can't get enough 'Get well soon' messages. Soo....
GET WELL SOON and make sure you have your vitamines and juice and cookies and tea ^_^
Cya
JD- As I have a mail slot that goes right into my house, I usually will encounter the mail if I just walk into the entryway. :) That's a very long distance, though, with the flu.
Kathy- Ah, yes, the alternate whining and hallucinating-- I've spent some quality time doing that. I have to say, it works!
Just Sayin'- Unfortunately, yesterday I had actual work for my job to get done because it's all due Thursday. So some good boob tube time like you suggested would have been welcome. Instead I had to try to think-- no good can come of that for anybody. :)
Lisa- I do believe you have pet cynicism, my friend. :)
Daisy- Heh, sounds like you are a queen among cats, Daisy. :) Thanks!
Reforming Geek- Well, the cat probably thinks you'd just have a case of hair balls.
Chris- It'll be a new gameshow come fall. :)
TJ- Heh, thanks-- twice! :)
Oh, Poor you! I hope you feel better soon. Somehow flu seems worse in the summer. It's like you feel cheated out of some warm sunny days. Well here in the UK we would, as we don't get that many ;)
Oh, honey.
I had my run in January, with the shower that necessitated a five hour recovery nap. The only plus was that someone was willing to go to the store and fulfill my whims. Sadly, my whims consisted of ginger tea, lemon jello, and 7-up.
But it was kind of nice to be perfectly still for a few days and not feel guilty about it...enjoy it!
Babs- I'm actually kind of glad it's summer instead of winter, only because I still have to go to work because of my headlines-- I'm there now-- and I barely made it here as it is. Slogging through snow too would be about it for me.
ShieldMaiden- I'll get to enjoy it when I go home tonight. Or maybe I can sleep here on my desk briefly without anyone noticing. This was pretty much the worst week for me to get the flu. I've got a 40 page website I'm writing, which the client reviews Thursday.
No rest for the wicked.
I meant deadlines, above, not headlines.
Hope you feel over the weather instead of under it very soon!
Oh poor you! I hope you feel stronger soon! I mean, congratulations on getting a blog post done in only a couple of hours and all that, but .. you know, normally people do it just a tad quicker!
Just love it when work insists you come in when you are sick. Nothing like spreading the illness around and wiping out the rest of the dept.
We get that alot here, I refer to the one sick martyr as Typhoid Mary. Then she complains when the rest of us get sick and have to stay home. sigh
Amy- Thanks-- today is a whole lot better!!
Jay- Heh, I kept having to take breathers in between typing-- it was nutty. :)
Chyna- I am the only one really in the department at the moment, and I'm on a floor by myself most of the time. If I didn't make the deadline per our schedule, I'd be responsible for our company failure. So there wasn't much choice in the matter.
I like to watch The Price is Right when I'm sick. I don't know why, though.
You're so lucky to have the flu now. You'll be laughing when we're all dying of it this fall.
BTW, the thermometer poking into the cabbage...is it just me, or does it look kind of obscene? It's just me, isn't it? Oh, no.
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