Quiz: Will You Survive a Horror Movie Situation?

So you've always wondered, if faced with rampaging serial killer, an ancient curse, or a zombie outbreak, how you would survive?

Would you find yourself to be the shining lead character, covered in gore, but happily reaching those end credits while the eerie voices of a children's choir sing with irony?

Or would you find yourself spread thinly across the backlot, an arm here, a leg over there?

Well, now's your chance to find out, with this helpful "Will You Survive a Horror Movie Situation?" quiz!

And since Evil Incarnate waits for no-one-- let's get started!

1.) I am:

A.) A beautiful, blond female
B.) A popular, athletic male
C.) Any race other than Caucasian, but still friends with A or B due to some little-discussed Cool Person Affirmative Action Program.
D.) Not really worth mentioning. At least that's what my classmates keep telling me when they graffiti my locker and knock my books out of my hand.
E.) A class-clown or a down-to-earth person with a delightful sense of humor, even if it isn't appreciated by the masses

2.) When it comes to my family, I am:

A.) So rich, I sneeze silver dollars out of my sinus cavity
B.) Determined to make the big moola my own family didn't-- the losers-- and willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
C.) Proud to continue a cycle of abuse and moral ambiguity
D.) Unaware who my real family is, because I was orphaned under circumstances no one will discuss, yet I bravely carry on
E.) Dirt poor or working hard at a boring low-to-mid-management job

3.) If this were high school I would most likely be:

A.) Making out in the parking lot. Rules are for nerds and you only live once, you know.
B.) Totally distributing the narcotic du jour in the bathroom, dude.
C.) Accepting the adulation of my lesser classmates for my athletic prowess and good looks
D.) Sitting at a lunch table by myself, studying. Or possibly listening to Emo music, which truly understands my inner pain
E.) Enjoying quirky banter with my one or two close friends.

4.) When getting dressed, my favorite clothing item is:

A.) Four-inch spike heels, perfect for standing around looking hot, but not so great on rough forest terrain, not that I need to ever worry about that.
B.) A sports letter jacket, of course! I have so earned it.
C.) Whatever I was wearing yesterday for the pot party, dude.
D.) I'll take what the wardrobe person gives me.
E.) Black. Matching clothes is overrated since the world is going to end anyway.

5.) When I hear a noise in the night which I don't recognize, my first instinct is to:

A.) Check and see if it's my missing cat or my extremely late significant other, who is never this late
B.) Continue making out because things are just getting good, and wouldn't I look so much better without my undergarments?
C.) Assume it's the Maui Wowie, man, and pass the refreshments around
D.) Warn everyone to stay where they are, even though no one has ever listened to me before
E.) Brace myself, and possibly take up a cricket bat

6.) The moment I learn the details of a curse or local urban legend I:

A.) Touch or play around with the supposedly cursed item, because I am so much smarter than some stupid curse written by a lot of old dead people
B.) Panic, go hysterical with fear to the point I need to be slapped
C.) Mock the curse/legend and anyone who believes in it because I am so much smarter than some stupid curse written by a lot of old dead people
D.) Realize that the curse mentioned is somehow related to my own family, and isn't that kinda weird?
E.) Decide to do a little research in the Weird Legends and Curses section of the library or on the internet.

7.) When I think of technology, I think of:

A.) My cell phone--a great way for my significant other to get a hold of me especially since he/she is way late right now and I am so steamed I'm not sure we shouldn't just break up anyway.
B.) My rockin' car which has no previous history of any sort of mechanical problems because of it's innate coolness.
C.) A phone I feel compelled to answer no matter how many mysterious phone calls we've been getting lately.
D.) Something that could kill me because I actually paid attention to the backstory curse mentioned in the opening credits exposition.
E.) The perfect way to find out more information on deep-rooted ancient evil

8.) If I see a friend in trouble I will most likely:

A.) Hey, if they're in trouble, they're on their own. They were lucky I let them hang with me in the first place.
B.) Join forces with the Darkness to aid in their destruction. The Darkness means you get really hot clothes and hair, and promises an excellent retirement plan.
C.) Run shrieking the other way because I never wanted to be involved in this anyway.
D.) Attempt to help them the best I can
E.) Tend to their battered, bruised body and weep over them for 15 seconds before the baddies come again.

9.) If I had magical/super human powers I would:

A.) Use them to take over the world and eradicate all the losers out there who aren't as cool as I am. Population control, baby!
B.) Use them to get revenge on everybody who didn't appreciate me enough when they had the chance
C.) I am not Caucasian. Do we get super powers?
D.) I would use them to end the curse facing my family for centuries
E.) I will nurture them quietly, and with responsibility, following a grand and noble tradition. Or maybe for parties.

10.) When serial killing maniacs are on the loose, I will:

A.) Not worry about it, because everyone knows there are no serial killing maniacs.
B.) Act concerned, but then go about my normal schedule of walking down dark alleys alone, investigating noises and hanging out in abandoned buildings for fun
C.) Cry, freak out, hyperventilate and whine. Good panics over serial killing maniacs are too important to keep all bottled up inside. It's not healthy.
D.) Wonder why the blurry news photos of the serial killer seem to wear the same trinket my long-deceased sibling used to wear.
E.) Keep on the alert and pay particular attention to the background music for danger cues.

Thank you for taking the Of Cabbages and Kings "Will You Survive A Horror Movie Situation Quiz?" quiz. Now it's time to see how you rank!

  • For each A, B, or C you selected, give yourself 2 points
  • For each D or E you selected, give yourself 1 point
  • Then add 'em up!

20 points- Face it, you're meat. There's no hope that you'll see the sequel. You may have been voted Most Popular, but Horror Movie Cliches have also voted you Most Likely to Sprain Your Ankle at an Inappropriate Time and be Disemboweled. No one will even weep for you. You probably should have tried to be a little nicer in the first act.

17-19 points- Drugs kill, and so do curses and rampaging killers. Okay, so you didn't believe the warnings applied to you. Or you just got all caught up in your own life and forgot about all the mysterious goings-on. If you'd just said 'no' a little sooner, your head wouldn't be being used right now as a football for Evil.

14-16 points- You might live through this film, but there's no guarantee you won't be offed five minutes into the sequel. You have a few admirable qualities, but not enough to outweigh your gut instincts. Which mean your guts will eventually end up displayed artistically for everyone to see.

11-13 points- You aren't the leading man or lady, necessarily, but you're decent evil-fighting support. You'll probably make it out there! Don't get cocky, though. Give more to charity. Add a little more humor to your dialogue. Panic openly less. Wear sensible shoes. And stay out of the backseats of cars. And you should be fine.

10- Congratulations! You are highly likely to survive well into the next film. Unless you decide you want out of your contract only to be replaced by someone who uses your name but only looks vaguely like you, you will have a long and illustrious career being pursued by Evil.



Anonymous said...

This ought to be a Facebook app, you know?

But the real question is why do I always fail these quizzes? :( Well?

Jenn Thorson said...

Rambler- Are you telling me you died an instant an untimely death according to this quiz? :)

Jaffer said...

So, all those popular kids I knew back in high-school, would not survive a zombie apocalypse ?

Jenn, is this your way of getting back at them ?

I got 13 points. Now howd you know I usually pick out that odd looking shoe from the rack. I usually get the frontseat in the car because the gang says there's no space for me at the back

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Hey, the fact that the snotty popular kids are always killed tragically in a horror movie isn't MY rule, it's the Rule of Horror Cliche to date. I don't make 'em up, I just try to break it down for folks. :)

I bet your shoes are stunning.

Skye said...

Whoohooo I make it into the next film! Unless of course I decide I want out :D

lorena rose said...

I'm terrible at math. When I tried to add up the numbers the first time, I came up with a number higher than 20.

Hmmm. Does this mean I get to choose my own destiny?

Jenn Thorson said...

Skye- It's good to have that kind of flexibility. You're sort of our Jamie Lee Curtis from Halloween. You can choose to come back in 20 years for a campy reunion film. :)

Lorena Rose- Hm-- higher than 20? Are you sure you're currently alive? Check your pulse. See if your breath can fog over a mirror. Because I'm concerned you might have been killed in a pre-quel. :)

Leeuna said...

I would have probably lived to star in another film if I had just changed out of the clothes I wore to the pot party yesterday. Why didn't someone warn me dude!

Chaotically Calm said...

Well based on points it says that I might make it to the sequel. I assume there is a lot of emphasis on that might....people of my general persuasion don't tend to make it out of these here type of films although I think it would be quite the opposite in real life as we have proved to be quite resourceful and in general don't chase after creepy things that go bump in the night.

In my case I am a more of a get the frig out of dodge ask questions later type of girl.

Tiggy said...

According to this test, I'm screwed. I can sprain my ankle just thinking about axe-wielding zombie ghosts.

Jenn Thorson said...

Leeuna- Dude, I was so totally stoked for you to be living into the next flick, man. But yesterday's duds totally brought us all down. I'm so bummed!

Chaotically Calm- See, Faith, I think you would be a great asset to any horror evil fighting team. I mean, you're quick-thinking, have a saucy sense of humor and would be easily root-on-able. I also don't see you making dumb mistakes or causing the audience to shout, "Don't go in that closet!! Don't go in that dark room!" Stuff like that.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tiggy- I'm really sorry to have lost you to the axe-wielding zombie ghosts. But just think, if your friends, say, SuperDave were fighting with you, they probably got hacked and eaten first.

Feel better? :)

Anonymous said...

Great...I get to live and keep going through this as I scored a perfect 10.

Sue H

chyna said...

Not a perfect 10 but darn close. I will probably show up for the next and probably die then. Unless I toss a cheerleader at the killer and run.

You know that has to be why I like horror movies so much, especially in high school. the thought of all the popular people getting eliminated just makes me giddy.

C.B. Jones said...

I'd survive, but not sure if I'd want to because I can't stand these cheesy movies.

*hears a chainsaw and runs into the night, knowing exactly whats gonna happen*

Melanie said...

I scored a 10, but gee, a long and illustrious career of being pursued by evil just doesn't seem like what I signed up for. And if all my friends have already been offed in the first movie, do I want to go on without them?

Jenn Thorson said...

Sue- With every yin, there is a yang... With every survival from horror movie trauma, there is a sequel.

Chyna- They do have their own moral code, don't they? Unless it's Japanese horror. In which case, anyone can bite it.

C.B.- Run, CB, Run!!!! :)

Melanie- Well, you're friends were kinda jerks anyway. And you'll have all new fodder, er, friends... FRIENDS... in the next film.

DeadRooster said...

Hey, let's ask the guy with the hatchet if he knows the way out of this cemetery.

I'm sure he's freaked out a little bit too, what with all the headless bodies at his feet.

Excuse me, sir...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

God, I suck at quizzes. But the answer is Frabreeze!

Bobby Jean said...

I have six grandkidlets; four of them are teenagers. Zombies? pffft

My granddaughters would be the first line of defense. Rascally types would be treated to their (in)famous garden hose spa treatment, followed by a wardrobe inspection (TWILIGHT, grandma...not Twilight Zone!) and finally a (homemade)cosmetic makeover.

Tweezers are their weapon of choice. Cyanoacrylate is, to them, God's gift to manicurists.

Zombies won't stand a chance :}

Jenn Thorson said...

Ah, DeadRooster- We knew him well. The man was not known for having the best luck, though. The first time he ever asks for directions, it was a masked serial killer named Freddie-Jason Meyers. :)

Meg- Well, Fabreeze would probably help the smell in a horror movie situation. So, I'll take it!

BobbyJean- You know, I think zombies tend to overlook the importance of a proper beauty routine. Maybe your grandkids can teach them something.

Da Old Man said...

I scored a perfect 10. I verbally taunt the serial killer and he decides it's not worth it to kill me. He keeps me around because I amuse him.

Megaman the Madman said...

Well I won't be surviving, But i got to tell you I had some fun along the way..

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- Well, we always knew you were a 10. Your strong resemblance to Bo Derek only being part of that. :) The sense of humor you mentioned being the other.

Megaman- Gosh, I'm sorry the quiz killed ya! But glad the ride toward being horror movie villain munchies was an enjoyable one. :)

ettarose said...

Well! I am a 13. Now I have to figure out if that is my age, my I.Q. or how long I last in the sequel.