The Parking Space Number Four Dash

Tobagganing... Triathalons... Guinness World Chewing Gum Records... Competitive, yes. But like a one-player game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos compared to the heavy, brow-sweating, heart-pounding competition I face ritualistically every weekday:

Getting a parking space at work.

There are four spaces, count 'em, four spaces alloted to us, Ye Regular Joe Working Rabble in this crammed section of town. Yet we are legion. And, as a result, each morning, it's like some four-wheeled version of musical chairs only with a dash of road rage tossed in for grins. You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to snag one of these coveted containers of automotive glee....

Preferabally, sometime the evening before. In fact-- just stay there overnight, buckled in the bucket seat with the engine running. Sure, you blow through gas like you're Smokey and the Bandit. But it's the only way to truly be assured.

As a result, I've noticed that while work begins officially at 8:30, we birds have begun arriving earlier and earlier in order to tuck into this coveted parking space worm. And it's gotten so that, like today, as I drove in at 7:30, patting myself on the back about my commuting cleverness, I realized I'd patted too soon.

Four cars filled the four slots. One clicked with radiating heat.

I'd missed it by that much. I am now parked somewhere out past the fifth moon of Betelgeuse.

So now I'm thinking we need to keep some kind of scoreboard for this, the Parking Space Number Four Dash. It could be an office morale thing. And there should be prizes. But not for the people who get the most spaces-- oh, no! For we slackers who aren't rolling in at 4 am to plant our flags and claim this space in the name of smart office drones everywhere.

No, I think we office jockey underachievers should win items to help us in our quest for True Parking Space Greatness. Like a blanket for sleeping in the car... A coffeemaker that plugs into the cigarette lighter... A sleep mask that has open eyes printed on it, so we can safely snooze at our desks because we headed to work at midnight.

Sure, our families and friends might miss seeing us. Little Timmy will no longer recognize his daddy, but hey, he'll develop a close bond with the mailman, which is almost as good. Little Suzie will grow from a mary-janed moppet into a teen Bratz doll in no time.

But they can always pop by the office to say 'hi' sometime.

If they can only find someplace to put the car.

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24 comments:

webRat said...

School started. :) The blue van forced the blue car into the white car's spot which forced the white car into yours. :( We need a little mini garage with an elevator. :)

Jenn Thorson said...

WebRat- See, that would solve everything. And since we know the ground around that back alley is always trying to open up anyway, it shouldn't be too hard to create multiple levels. :)

webRat said...

btw, technically we have 5 spots. The big black tank sits in the 5th. See, now I feel guilty, taking your spot and screwing up the parking spaces number in your blog post.

Jenn Thorson said...

WebRat- Heh, I'm not really worried about it. I just thought it was funny HOW early it's getting.

Isn't it 4 though? Because the fourth one on the left hand side is the architects? And then no one can use the one on the other side by the gate?

webRat said...

Yup, 4 on one side, 1 on the other side next to the head honchos.

Jenn Thorson said...

WebRat- Ah, well. I imagine the Cabbages readers will forgive the inaccuracy. :) I mean, they've hung in there through zombie plague advice tips and Middle Earth vacation packages.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I feel for you. It's actually like that in my own freaking driveway. We, or I should say, The Other Parental Unit, just got a fifth car.

Jenn Thorson said...

Meg- Oh WOW... I feel for YOU now.


I imagine every few hours someone has to move their car because they're blocking someone else in!

Unfinished Rambler said...

Luckily, I work from home so have no such worries and, wait a minute, we have one car, so have no worries anyway as The Wife has the car during the day. I just usually park myself in this chair and am good. ;)

Jenn Thorson said...

Rambler- Are you now seated in the Literary Man Cave? :)

C.B. Jones said...

Though I was the only one who had a father son relationship with the mail person. Maybe I was the only kid who had that sort of relationship with a female mail person, but it was pretty much the same thing either way. Heh.

Skye said...

No assigned parking where I work. Although we do have an area that has parking for 4 and one of those spots is taken with the delivery truck. So, I guess it's much the same as with you. Only when I work, I'm usually the first person there so I can always pick where I want to park.

Jenn Thorson said...

CB-- Ah-- so did you call her "mailmom?" :)

Skye- Yup, same sort of situation. Normally being in at the crack of dawn has been effective. But no more! We're all on to each other! :)

Jaffer said...

We have a large lot that never fills to capacity.

- Yet, I take the bus.

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Sounds like a lot of your coworkers have the same good idea! :) Our mass transit isn't very reliable or prevalent here, so taking the bus means a long, complicated commute.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

ah-HAAAAAA so there's really FIVE spaces! I don't feel NEARLY as sorry for you now.

Also? Working from home has rendered me incapable of relating to all you people out there who commute.

Mike said...

Perhaps you might consider the option of hiring someone to pukk you to work in a rickshaw. That'll turn some heads, I bet!

Hapi said...

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Jay said...

"I'd missed it by that much. I am now parked somewhere out past the fifth moon of Betelgeuse."

That was my favourite line! LOL!

Been there, done that, thank heavens I don't have to do it anymore!

Jenn Thorson said...

NannyGoats- Yes four spaces equals pity. Five... meh. :) Unfortunately, we working outside the home stiffs don't know the joys of conference calling in our jim-jams. :)

Mike- Indeedy! Pittsburgh really should think of using a rickshaw system, too-- it would be cheaper and more efficient on all our narrow, one-way streets!

Jay- Yes, ma'am, I don't blame you for your joy!!

Nooter said...

say, thats a nice management tactic- limit the number of parking spaces so the workers have to come in earlier and thus, work longer.

Jenn Thorson said...

Nooter- Aw, man, the blog dog is smarter than we humans are. :)

Kathy said...

I'm an early bird at work. I often get the first spot in one of three lots outside our building. I love to back my car in, too, because it says "Behold! I'm here first! And I can't wait to peel out of here as fast as possible!"

I'm sorry you have only four spaces. That's so sad. I weep for the fifth person.

Jenn Thorson said...

Kathy- Ah, getting all fancy in the parking lot, eh? :) Well, it all balances out, I suppose. She who is in first has longer to worry about the plastic bag trapped in the tree outside her office. :) (heh heh heh)