Got a Full Tank of Gas, I'm Wearing Sunglasses, Hit it!


So it's Road Trip Time for me today. Yep, as you all read these words, I'll be running down a dream... The radio playing a forgotten song... In a little deuce coupe... Along the Ventura highway in the sunshine... Alligator lizards in the --

(I think I need to pull over. I'm way off my route and those hallucinations are getting colorful.)

Ha, actually, no, I'm just fine. And I'm headed on a journey to meet Pennsylvania blogger buds including:


Yes, a veritable Who's-Who Bloggerpalooza! (Now stop saying, "Who?! Who?!" and click their links.) (No, wait: read the post first, and then click their links. What was I thinking? Must be those hallucinations again.)

Now, I like traveling. I like the sound of asphalt under my tires...

Singing loudly with my tunes...

Drinking too much coffee and desperately having to find a rest stop, lest my arrival at my final destination make a somewhat different impact than I'd hoped...

(Well, not that last one, and you'll see why.) So I give you: Of Cabbages and Kings Official Tips to a Better Road Trip:


Don't Sweat Getting Lost: Most Roads Won't Actually Lead You to the Children of the Corn.
When I was a little kid, my father thought it was super-funny to drive Mom and I somewhere, and then look confused and worried and say, "Jenn, where are we? We're lost! You've got to tell us how to get back home!"

And of course, responsible five-year-old that I was, I would break into tears with the sudden burden of being propelled into the role of family Sacajawea. I would try to explain how I wasn't even allowed to cross the street myself yet, and how there had been, not so-long-before, a period of time I'd thought Bing Crosby and Bill Cosby were the same guy. "Is this the sort of mind you really want in a leadership position?" I would ask him.

Okay, I didn't really. But I should have.

Well, thanks to the Pop's rather sadistic idea of fun, I now have no fears about being lost at all. (Thanks, Pop, the years of mental anguish have been good for somethin' after all!)

One reason is, I will get lost at least once anyway, even though I now know how to cross the street pretty much. (I don't get lost to the degree of my friend Austin, mind you. But a good U-ey is bound to happen.)

And I keep in mind that most roads will not, in fact, lead to a small town with no phones and scary children who sing eerie songs and carry scythes. And if it does, I should really blog about it... quickly.

And that leads me to point two on my list...


If You Don't Have GPS, Print Your Travel Directions Big Enough That Satellites Could Read Them If They Wanted. I print directions from home to my destination... From the destination back... From side trip destination to hotel... From hotel to side trip destination... From back yard to front yard. From front yard water feature to back yard garden hose... From...

Well, you get the picture. Having to be a five-year-old Magellan tends to make a person a bit over-prepared.

Plus, I make sure I write up an abbreviated version of those directions large enough that other drivers can read them. It's good to give them something to do in between their cell phone conversations, putting on makeup, and texting.


A Dehydrated Driver is One Who Doesn't Dream of Rest Stops.
I like to cease all liquids, oh... five days or so before my trip. I figure I can have beverages when I get there. You know, if I don't turn to dust first.

I just can't stand driving and not knowing where the next restroom will be. Because, and I imagine this won't be a surprise to you, I came from a family where the Pop was also not so inclined to stop for road-trip pee-breaks.

Nope, we had somewhere to go and we weren't going to dilly-dally gettng there. So unless the Popper had to go, asking to make an unscheduled stop was only going to cause a mood. And inconvenience everybody.

So, no fluids. Hydration is overrated, anyway. Who wants a nice dewy look when you can be hollow-eyed and interesting?


Well, folks, it's time for me to R-U-N-N-O-F-T... I'll be checking in over the next couple of days with my handy-dandy laptop. And I'll be seeing you on Monday with a fresh new post!

And in the meantime, do you have any roadtripping secrets to share? I'd enjoy reading them-- and I'm sure those kids with scythes would, too! They don't get a lot of levity in between their corn sowing and mass murders.

Cheers!

---------------------------------
Humorbloggers.com
Humor-blogs

20 comments:

Kathy said...

So you're saying the three cups of coffee and bottle of water I just downed was a bad idea? Dehydrated and wrinkly is not a good look for me.

Your bloated friend,
Kathy

Jenn Thorson said...

Kathy- Heh, we'll be a good pair-- me dehydrated and wrinkly, you sloshing...

At least we'll know each other when we meet! :)

JD at I Do Things said...

Thank goodness Kathy had a chance to read this before heading out. But if anyone's gonna run into Children of the Corn, it'll be Kathy.

I used to get Bing Crosby and Bill Cosby mixed up too.

Have a great trip!

freetheunicorns said...

Men, of course, never need directions. That's why we're so good at getting lost. As for drinking during road trips, I either relieve myself in a cup while driving (it's a talent, I know) or find a tree on the side of the road.

Enjoy your journey.

The Offended Blogger said...

Have fun and bring us all back a souvenir chocolate bar!

You are stopping in Hershey, right? ;)

Kathy said...

Oh, JD. What'dya say THAT for? Now you've jinxed me. I've never seen the movie. Do they come at me wielding axes, chainsaws, what? WHAT??? Oh dear.......

Daisy said...

I hope you have a wonderful time! Tell Kathy that Daisy said "I knew you could do it!"

Shawn said...

A Rambler/Cabbages alliance? This can't be good.

kathcom said...

It's really cool that you're all getting together.
I don't know if you were kidding, but that Children of the Corn stuff is true. If your car breaks down in Pennsylvania, lock your doors, roll up your windows and wait for help.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Have a great time and give us a full report on the Kathy and the Unfinished People.

Chris said...

Have a great time, and as long as you're quoting song lyrics, don't forget to spend some time "wasin' away again in Maug-, uh, Margaritaville."

Grace said...

Wave if you pass through South Philly, where I am

Jenn Thorson said...

JD- Another Bill Crosby Bill Cosby confused person?? Woo-hoo!!


FreetheUnicorns- I won't try that cup-peeing unless, well, okay just never. I like to keep the upholstery nice. :)

Chelle- We are about 3 hours from Hershey so, um, not so much. :) I will see what I can dig up souvenir-wise though, perhaps, for a post-trip giveaway... Y'know if you're all well-behaved.

Daisy- We both made it here safely, so will do.

Shawn- Heh, danger, danger!

Kathcom- I haven't seen corn, but I did see about 60 miles of nothing but forest. I suppose creepy children could lurk there, as well, though.

Meg- Will do!!

Chris- Wow would I be way off course, then. If I started seeing palm trees, I'd have to suspect something was up.

Grace- Well, I can shout that way, at least. I can't guarantee you'll hear, but (waves)!

Pearl said...

Oh, I'm jealous. Sounds like you're going to have a great time.
Pearl

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Umm ... about the children of the corn and the middle of nowhere and . . . well, you do know where you are traveling to, right? You are for a big surprise, dear. Just don't look them in the eyes. It's scary. So scary!

Da Old Man said...

Have a dry, yet safe, trip.

Jenn Thorson said...

Pearl- Hey thanks! Hopefully we'll all return with some good humor stories for you folks.

Lisa- Well, yes, but... At least that red-haired kid who leads them is easy to recognize... and I shall run. :)

Da Old Man- Thanks muchly... So far we've had really nice weather.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Have a good time! Wish I could meet the folks you're meeting!

Melanie said...

Have a great trip.

I learned today that road trips are much better undertaken without a hangover. (yeah, I thought I was old enough to know better too)

Jenn Thorson said...

NannyGoats- Well, Kathy's now an accomplished road-tripper, so ya never know! I think it would be fun to meet you, as well, Margaret.

Melanie- Oh boy, driving with a hangover does NOT sound like fun. I get a headache from driving, anyway!