You've always dreamed of being a Jedi... But--like so many of us-- you've finally had to admit the Force just isn't with you... Or your evil-leaning-but-conflicted Dad... Or your pet bantha.
Well, now, with one empowering monthly program, you can simulate all those great Jedi powers you know and love, without all that messy angst and whining about only being a cog in the plan of the Greater Cosmos.
Now you have ForceThis!, the universe's first Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course!
How does it work?
Sign up through this exciting online offer, and we'll rush you the first installment of our ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit: Levitation.
In it, you'll find detailed instructions for the first step toward simulated Jedi Knightdom—levitating objects.
The comprehensive booklet not only gives you step-by-step instructions that will have you simulating real Jedi telekinesis in no time...
...You'll also receive the Invisi-Force fishing line, Propelli-Force casting rod, and Sticki-Force wadded-up duct tape technology to get the job done just like a professional Jedi, or bassmaster!
In no time, you'll be commanding lightsabers from across the room!
Making short work of grabbing that bag of chips from the kitchen...
And inspiring awe among friends and family!
AWED SISTER: "Hey, how'd he do that?!"
AWED BROTHER: "He must have been a Jedi all along! I now regret pantsing him throughout our childhood."
Then, each month, we'll send you a new ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit (plus the cost of shipping and handling). In it, you'll uncover the secrets to a brand new power almost exactly but kinda sorta not quite like the Jedi's do it!
Just watch:
SATISFIED FORCE THIS! CUSTOMER: "I'd always wanted to be able to force my will upon others just like the Jedis do it. But no matter how hard I tried, no one ever seemed to bend to my wishes.
"But now, with the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tool Kit for Mind-Control, I just pull out the kit's clever patented Controli-Force Taser, tell people what I want, and I actually get it! Thank you Force This!"
And because it's self-paced, the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course is perfect for adults holding down full- or part-time jobs, in between playing video games in their parents' basement.
What's more-- financial aid is available; we hear your mom leaves her purse on the kitchen table.
So why wait? Become the simulated Jedi Knight you always dreamed of! Put down that plastic lightsaber and pick up the training you need by contacting us today!
We guarantee-- you'll have a very good feeling about... ForceThis!
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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs
22 comments:
I'll take it! I have a husband I need to have bend to my will more often. Haaaa! Or is it: Mwhaaahaaa! OK. Totally suck at that laugh. I see your feed is like mine - - - late. I posted last night at 8:30 or 9 p.m. and it showed that I posted at 11 p.m. Huh? Yeah, and I didn't even see your post until just now and it says you posted at 7 a.m. on your blog. What?! Well, whatever, I'm here now and that is what is important. Off to comment on the other posts I read but never got to comment on because of things like two-year old dragging at my hands and crying "play with me!" Guess I had to play with the two year old. :-)
Lisa- I thought it was a pretty good evil laugh. Of course, now you've revealed yourself to be a strong candidate for the Dark Side...
But I guess you knew that. :)
Re: my feed, I just have it's time set to post at 7am, no matter when in the morning I set it. And I was editing a type-o, I think, when you came on, so that's probably why you didn't see it right away.
Jenn, Jenn, Jenn. You are just poking and prodding the fanboys now, aren't you?
Da Old Man- You never know... they might enjoy some poking and prodding... As long as I use the patented Intelli-Force Casting Rod, anyway! :)
So - after this course I can go to the bank and ask for all the money and when they say "you need authorization for that" I'll wave my hand and then they'll say "you don't need authorization" And when the teller says "call the cops" I'll wave my hand again and she's be like "no need to call the cops" and they they'll bring me all the money?
Not that I've thought about this a lot or anything.
Drowsey-- Well, yes, but only if you use your official "ForceThis! Controli-Force Taser" that comes with your kit.
Note: teller may call cops after you leave. Proximity is necessary for Mind Control elements in the ForceThis! Toolkit to work.
I would order this, but I was just going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converterrrrrs !
Shawn- I will let Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru know, young Shawn Tankswimmer.
My dream has come true. Thank you ForceThis!
FreeTheUnicorns- And there we have it folks-- another satisfied ForceThis! customer.
As long as I can learn to use the Jedi mind trick on parents at our school, I'll be set.
"You want to homeschool your child."
"I want to homeschool my child."
"I am not the principal your looking for."
"This is not the principal we're looking for."
Chris- I would not recommend the ForceThis! Controli-Force (TM) taser, which comes with the mind control kit, as a way to subdue small children to your will... but it HAS been known to be effective with parents and administrators.
Hey who's the spokesperson? I'd say our buddy Vince but contemplating it further I think Flo with the Tricked out Nametag would be perfect. She already uses some sort of force to talk people into various insurances.
I, too, was thinking how easy it would be to slide ole ho-slappin' Vince into the Skywalker role. But now I like Chyna's idea: Flo's a better choice, at that.
Chyna and Greg- Actually, our spokesperson is the illustrious actor, ForceThis! correspondence course graduate, and cult figure Christopher Skywalken.
Wow! I guess I'll put away my dolls now and play with the big boys and girls! Maybe this will help with training the cat!
ReformingGeek- Oh no. Even non-simulated Jedis cannot train cats.
The cats' Force is stronger.
If you put this up on the web, and put an add up on GeekDad, I bet you'll have forty takers by the end of the day.
The Mother- Heh, now I'm getting images of this crowd of dads standing around in Jedi clothes with fishing rods, waving their simulated Jedi levitating objects at each other.
I may have frightened myself.
Ho slapper Vince may have tried the Jedi mind trick but obviously didnt study hard enough by the looks of his mugshot.
Christopher Skywalken... I like it. :0)
If I was a Jedi, I'd use the Force to give my wife orgasms with my mind at odd times...
Like in a restaurant or a grocery store.
Chyna- Mr. Skywalken gives a unique sort of delivery to our line of products. :)
John- Oh bugger, we've just lost another one to the Dark Side...
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