You've always dreamed of being a Jedi... But--like so many of us-- you've finally had to admit the Force just isn't with you... Or your evil-leaning-but-conflicted Dad... Or your pet bantha.
Well, now, with one empowering monthly program, you can simulate all those great Jedi powers you know and love, without all that messy angst and whining about only being a cog in the plan of the Greater Cosmos.
Now you have ForceThis!, the universe's first Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course!
How does it work?
Sign up through this exciting online offer, and we'll rush you the first installment of our ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit: Levitation.
In it, you'll find detailed instructions for the first step toward simulated Jedi Knightdom—levitating objects.
The comprehensive booklet not only gives you step-by-step instructions that will have you simulating real Jedi telekinesis in no time...
...You'll also receive the Invisi-Force fishing line, Propelli-Force casting rod, and Sticki-Force wadded-up duct tape technology to get the job done just like a professional Jedi, or bassmaster!
In no time, you'll be commanding lightsabers from across the room!
Making short work of grabbing that bag of chips from the kitchen...
And inspiring awe among friends and family!
AWED SISTER: "Hey, how'd he do that?!"
AWED BROTHER: "He must have been a Jedi all along! I now regret pantsing him throughout our childhood."
Then, each month, we'll send you a new ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tools Kit (plus the cost of shipping and handling). In it, you'll uncover the secrets to a brand new power almost exactly but kinda sorta not quite like the Jedi's do it!
SATISFIED FORCE THIS! CUSTOMER: "I'd always wanted to be able to force my will upon others just like the Jedis do it. But no matter how hard I tried, no one ever seemed to bend to my wishes.
"But now, with the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Tutorial and Tool Kit for Mind-Control, I just pull out the kit's clever patented Controli-Force Taser, tell people what I want, and I actually get it! Thank you Force This!"
And because it's self-paced, the ForceThis! Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course is perfect for adults holding down full- or part-time jobs, in between playing video games in their parents' basement.
What's more-- financial aid is available; we hear your mom leaves her purse on the kitchen table.
So why wait? Become the simulated Jedi Knight you always dreamed of! Put down that plastic lightsaber and pick up the training you need by contacting us today!
We guarantee-- you'll have a very good feeling about... ForceThis!