The Z Word

Yes, that's right-- there's a new cuss word in town... Oh, I know. You folks think you're so worldly, so knowing, so sure you've seen all the colorful language life has to offer.

You go down to the docks at night, just to brush up on the salty sea language the grizzly fisherman use when bringing in the next load of tuna...

You'd bust a cap to sample the rap that goes on between the fly homies on the mean 'hoods of your city...

You listen to what the cool kids are saying on Facebook and MySpace, just to make sure you aren't the kind of tool who's accidentally left any good curses slip through the cracks.

Yeah, I know how you guys roll.

But I bet you don't know about the "Z word."

See, for fun, I ran Of Cabbages and Kings through a site rater that ranks web sites like movies. G... PG... R.... what have you.

Now I like to keep things fairly G/PG around here. Not because I don't curse in real-life (you should see me in a commute situation). But simply because I think it not only suits my material, but it forces me to be more creative with language. I figure anything that gives the ol' gray cells a workout can't be too bad.

So when the program was done, you can imagine my surprise when a screen popped up which read as follows:

PG-13
The rating of your blog was determined
based on the presence of the following words:

• zombie (9x)
• death (3x)
• kill (2x)
• b*tch(1x)

"Zombie"?! "Zombie" is a word not appropriate for gentle ears these days?

Now the "b*tch" listed above I understand and can explain. That is our buddy Sandy. I mean, not Sandy per se-- I like Sandy. But as the b-word is part of the name of her web site, well... I'm sorry Ratings People. Sandy and her blog are both extremely funny; I'm afraid the b*tch stays.

But "zombie"?

Also, the word "death" is apparently not acceptable anymore for anyone under 13. Are ya kidding me? So Gramma dies and little Timmy is told... what, Gramma has gone to run free on a farm in the country?

And okay, I can see where "kill" might be said to be an Active Verb of Violence...

But how about, "I just saw the movie To Kill A Mockingbird?"

Or "I'd kill for a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich"?

Are we going to pan the lovely and talented Gregory Peck? Are we going to start up a "Stop the Violence Against Grilled Cheese Society" (SVAGCS- they'll probably have to work on the aconym) to take up the cause? I rather think not.

So context, my friends. It's all in the context.

Me... since I'm apparently such an on-the-edge Verbal Rebel, I think I'll spend my day testing how "zombie" works in an inflammatory cursing context. Somebody cuts me off in traffic on my drive in?

"Well, zombie you, mister!" (May have to be shortened to "zom you"-- has a ragey-er sound to it, don't you think?)

Someone says something mystifying on a forum?... "What the zombie!" (WTZ)

And if a request at work comes in that is totally irrational? "Well, zombie that!"

So perhaps the web ratings were right. "Zombie" could very well be the next most offensive term out there. Try employing it in a sentence and see how you feel.

And, er... Peace out, mutha zombies!

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