Jailbirds, Sing-Sing and a whole New Meaning to Polly Pocket

Sing with me!...
"Catch a pretty bird and put it in your pock-et
Save it for a rainy day..."

That's what a man did in a pet store this last week, anyway. He went into a pet shop, he grabbed a parrot when he thought no one was looking, and he tucked it into his trenchcoat. He was halfway out the door, when his coat began to sing.

Turns out, the parrot was a stool-pigeon after all. Staff stopped the guy and asked to see what exactly it was that was singing in his coat. I guess he didn't think quickly enough to play it off as a clever new ventriloquism act. And so he finally had to give them the bird.

Literally.

Now, after seeing this story on KDKA news-- because, of course, it was all caught on the in-store security camera-- I went looking online to see if I could find the full story to share with you. Getting ratted out by your feathered kidnapping victim is just funny to me.

But do you know what's more funny? Not that I couldn't locate the right story...

What's funny to me is that I located tons of pages of stories about people trying to steal parrots in almost this same way.


My favorite of them is the headline: "Woman Allegedly Steals Parrot By Hiding it in Bra." Shouldn't it have been a blue-footed booby, then? Or a titmouse?

How do you fit an entire parrot in your bra? I mean, what do you do, wear Pamela Anderson's braziere while sporting Callista Flockhart's figure? This might just look suspicious.

Also, does anyone know where Olga the Traveling Bra was on November 10, 2005? Because I sorta hope she has a good alibi. She may very well have been an accessory to a crime.

And we all know if there's anything Olga's good at, it's accessorizing.

Another thing I was wondering is, why do so many people seem so intent on stealing the noisiest kind of pet available?

I mean, I know parrots go for the big dough. But if I were the kind to steal from a pet store, I would want me a perfectly silent pet to steal. Something you'd never hear a peep out of. Like a box turtle, a rabbit, or a hermit crab.

Not that I recommend putting hermit crabs in your coat, either. But it's a lot easier to explain away a certain itchy-twitchy St. Vitus' dance, than a London Fog with a pair of lungs like Ethel Merman.

Anyway, sing with me now! (To the tune of "Catch a Falling Star")...

"Catch a pretty bird and put it in your poc-ket,
Save it for a rainy day
Catch a pretty pol and hide it in your jack-et,
Never let it fly away

"Though cops may come and tap you on the shoulder,
There in Petsmart
Stuff the bird into your bolder holster,
You’ll have a parrot close to your heart..."
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26 comments:

Jaffer said...

LOL ! Being a fan of Cute Overload, I didn't have too far to find a Parrot in Racks.

I knew parrot smuggling was a big business. It's no surprise that catching parrot-nappers is 10 times more easier according to google ;)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Ah, you are quick on the Google. Too funny. I wonder how many of the parrots testify?

ReformingGeek said...

Folks will steal anything. Around here, we had a news article about vandalism and theft of campaign signs. At Christmas, it's the yard decorations that get stolen. As for putting a bird in my bra, I would be afraid the bird would peck my boob. Ouch!

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- You're right about the holiday decorations. Recently a woman in our area was caught going around and loading up her minivan with peoples' Halloween decor.

And no, I don't even want to think what would happen if Polly panicked while I was escaping. I saw The Birds. It wasn't pretty.

Jaffer said...

LOL ! You are going to love this - you are number 6 on Google when searching for "parrot testify".

I am loving the first link to a blog post about parrots exposing cheating husbands

Babs (Beetle) said...

Hahahaha! That made me laugh! **with a pair of lungs like Ethel Merman** :O)

Silly Swedish Skier Says So said...

Ouch on the idea of a hermit crab in my bra.

Anna Lefler said...

* snort * "Titmouse." Good one!

Seriously, what's up with boosting a bird on one's brassiere? That's it. I'm never running a pet shop.

Hilarious post!

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Well, I'm so glad to hear Google is taking this whole parrot getting its day in court thing seriously. :) And I tell ya, never rely on a parrot to keep a secret.

Babs- Well, you know how noisy the birds section of a pet store is. I don't know why the parrot wouldn't be shrieking "Help, help! Kidnapper" well before he got tucked into the man's coat.

Silly Swedish Skier- Ditto that. And not just because of the claws... All those legs, too...

Anna- I have NO idea. I mean, this isn't MONEY, a handkerchief or a love letter we're talking here. This is a three dimensional live animal.

(shakes head)

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Seems like Olga will do anything to get attention. Wish I would have thought of that!

Jenn Thorson said...

Meg- I know, that bra is one busy double-d. Now at least we know why she's always traveling. She's outrunning the law.

Da Old Man said...

So many tasteless bad jokes come to mind. I'll spare you, my friend.
But I did think of tying in your pajama post the other day, with this, and some classic Groucho.
Just sayin'.

Nurse Amanda Hugankiss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

I've heard of women stuffing their bras with kleenex before...but never with a parrot! The poor bra must have been horribly traumatized!

As for what I was doing on Nov. 10th '05...I checked my calendar & I was busy supporting my blog-mistress ALL DAY...& I have documents to prove it.

(Disregard the comment from that Nurse...she's been following me all OVER the place lately!)

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- Well, when do we draw the line at tasteless bad jokes? Have there been new standards for excellence and decorum someone's set that I didn't know about? :)

Olga- I didn't see an interview with the bra-- part of the reason I was wondering if you were running from the law-- but yes, I can imagine. A soothing spin in some gentle Woolite would be required after a horrifying experience like that.

As long as you have the documents to support your whereabouts if an investigation should happen to perk up over this. I was worried, you know.

Tiggy said...

So next time that greasy guy in the bar asks me if I want to see his "trouser snake", I'll know he's been shoplifting at Pets R Us again...

Jenn Thorson said...

Tiggy- It'd be a more positive conclusion-- for you, anyway-- than your alternatives in that situation.

If he dies in a few seconds there on the barstool, you'll know it was a rattler he lifted. Rattlers HATE chinos.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I would think parrot robbers could be identified as the ones jerking their way out the door because of all the beaking and clawing going on. Maybe squawking is just a last resort when drawing blood is ineffective.

Jenn Thorson said...

Nanny Goats-- See, as you point out-- there is just nothing subtle about this as a crime.

VE said...

Ha ha. He should have told them he had a singing left nipple...they're all the rage this year... Then he should have run...

Test said...

Testing using the Rhet's site

Chat Blanc said...

parrot stealing movement changes old saying: is that a parrot in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me? ;)

Jonny's Mommy said...

Oh man, I'd totally like to have been there when that idiot got caught.

Polly want a mug shot?

Wow, what an idiot!

Jenn Thorson said...

ChatBlanc- I suppose it depends on just what that parrot is saying FROM the pocket, too. :)


Jonny's Mommy- You DO have to wonder. Was he planning on selling this bird on the parrot blackmarket? Or was he trying to shoplift a brand new pal?

Hard to say, really.

chyna said...

Along with the squawking and the nasty beaks I'd be wondering about the other end. Bad enough washing the bird poop off your car can you imagine out of your bra!!! Blech!!!!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Chyna- Yes, indeed, there are definitely potential hygiene issues involved.