My Super-Nerd Sense is Tingling


There's this store in our local mall that's like my entire childhood wrapped into a room-- Minus the being beat up on the playground, the noisy tan corduroys and the harvest colors, of course.

In this mecca of retro media, Star Wars figures wield the Force....

The Heat Miser and Snow Miser strut their stuff...

The Superfriends chat in stilted overly-obvious discussions...

And The Tick struggles to break through nigh-invulnerable packaging.

Anything and everything you can imagine from cartoons and campy films over the years, and this store seems to have it.

The place calls to my inner-nerd every time I venture there. And my inner-nerd actually gets out quite a bit.

I mean, okay, I still have some of my old comic books. And my collection of Johnny Depp-related action figures seems to be overtaking the surface of one filing cabinet...

I think fondly of the original Star Wars, I met b-movie actor Bruce Campbell once (that's a whole other story), and I seem to have developed an inexplicable crush on Dr. Who.

So while my inner dork does pretty much run the joint, I realized, it still might not be enough.

"What?" you're wondering. "How can it not be enough?-- There's the Dr. Who thing." Well, see... This is what happened.

As I was strolling around this collectibles store, the cashier was having an in-depth discussion with two friends who'd stopped by. It was lengthy, passionate and loud. And the conversation seemed to run like this:

Cashier: Well, Episode One largely sucked because it needed a further integration of Darth Maul...

Friends: Mummmm... yeah.

Cashier: That character needed to be pulled more thoroughly throughout that trilogy for it to be worthy of the build up. And so the only scenes that didn't suck were the battle at 15:07 minutes into the film between Darth Maul and Zaphod Beeblebrox where he used the Klingon nunchucks, and then the part at 47:12 where the Ferengi brought in the AT-AT and...

Okay, okay, I know Darth Maul never did fight Zaphod Beeblebrox. (Zaphod would have totally lost his head in that sort of fight. Well, at least ONE of his heads...) And I know the Ferengi and Klingons have nothing to do with Star Wars... And...

Suffice it to say, I'm aware. Remember: dork here.

But on and on this dissection went, with scene after scene bucketed into "sucked," and "didn't suck" with a sort of detailed examination worthy of a doctoral thesis.

And I didn't understand half of it.

I mean, I watched Star Wars Episode One once. Mostly what I got out of it was that, apparently, when you're a Queen faced with a choice between a rather dishy Ewan MacGregor and an annoying kid half your age for your love interest, you choose the annoying kid.

And that's when they lost me.

Anything, beyond that, and I can't say I remember it. I remember something vaguely about a Jamaican lizard-rabbit. And drag-racing, space-style. But that's about it.

So, I think I'm going to have to work on my general nerdishness. None of this halvsies stuff for me. I mean, I was the one who hadn't realized that "Darth" was a title and wasn't just the guy's first name...

"Hi, I'm Darth. Darth Vader?... This is my brother Zek."

See? Hopeless!

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The Force is always with Humor-blogs.

22 comments:

Claire said...

Darth isn't his first name! Whoops I have now only just realised that :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Claire- Hey, don't feel bad-- I had no idea, either. Then there was Darth Maul and Darth Sidious and a bunch of other Darths cropping up. Who knew?

Mary Witzl said...

I feel lost too, and I used to think I was no slouch when it came to comics. I've obviously lost ground. I go with my daughters to comic book stores now and wonder what's going on. I think I spend too much time washing dishes and taking out the garbage...

I've just looked at your profile and noticed that you too are a fan of Bailey White. I loved Mama Makes Up Her Mind and read it at least three times.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mary- She's a lovely storyteller, isn't she? I love the pace and tone.

Claire said...

I thought their mum's were just lazy and had a crush on the original Darth :)

(excellent usage of new comment box!)

Kathy said...

Oh, no. I'm afraid I didn't understand a word of this, but it was hilarious nonetheless. Now if you're talking about Seinfeld, I'm there. My friends and and I regularly quote the scripts, word-for-word, and chastise each other if we get so much as one word wrong!

Jenn Thorson said...

Claire- Maybe that's where the title came from. :) Maybe Darth was like Elvis!

Kathy- Heh, isn't that the way of it, though? It totally depends on what you're into. Interestingly, the cashier's friends were pretty quiet throughout. She was there monologuing and they were just leaning and nodding. PS- Love it or hate it, Seinfeld is incredibly quotable!! :)

Alice said...

I didn't care for the new Star Wars movies much. Padme looked atrocious for most of it although Hayden Christiansen was still pretty hot.

I am a big Darth Vader fan though and have the whole mask/voice sythesizer sitting in my closet. Oh, and a poster of him on my stairwell. *sigh*

chyna said...

You pretty much described anyone of my hubby's conversations with his friends be it Highlander, one of those roleplaying games or some computer game like Warcraft. Half the time I'm not sure if they are talking about real people or one of their characters. At one time he and another friend owned a fantasy/sports card shop, you can imagine the high jinx then.

Da Old Man said...

I'm totally lost. For some reason, that part of my geek gene never really kicked in. Funny how that works.

Jennifer said...

Darth Maul and Zaphod Beeblebrox? I'd pay a pretty penny to see that matchup in the octagon!

And I love "Mama makes up Her Mind"...I read it about once a year (My favorite story is the one where she got the abbreviations for Maine and Massachutsets mixed up--hilarious!).

-Jennifer

Jenn Thorson said...

Alice- I think we need to see you dressed as Lord Vader. Or at least hear a sound file of your Darth-synthesizer impression. HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Chyna- Ah, Highlander was big at my college. Your husband would fit right in! You guys really need to come visit the Burgh.

DaOldMan- Everyone's geek gene is different. :) Yours might just be more greatly applied to New York baseball information. Diversification may not be necessary. :)

Tiggy said...

Which Dr. Who do you have a crush on exactly? Don't forget there have been many reincarnations of the Time Lord. I had quite a thing for the Peter Davison version when I was 6, and the new Doctor is very dishy.

As for the others... oh dear. Please tell me you mean the new Doctor!

Matt Gamble said...

Couple links to help you on your way.
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth

That will help you understand the history behind the title "Darth". "History?" you say. Oh yes, history.

Then to follow that up I offer you 2 clips of Patton Oswalt. He will lead you to salvation. Also, the clips are totally NSFW.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9LjfsFOxwfA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fLvWuODLoEk

Your welcome.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tiggy- It is indeed the recent David Tennant Dr. Who, I confess. I know some previous Who's were... um.... unique looking. :) Thank you for your concern about my taste in Doctors. :)

Matt- thank you for the info to set me straight on my Darth confusion. :) PS- thanks also for the warning on the not-safe-for-work clips. I will check them out when I'm not on dial-up (as I cam currently.... I know, Lame, but there ya go....) Cheers!!

~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

I can honestly say I've never actually watched Star Wars or anything to do with it. But, I currently own over 500 Archie comics (although they will be sold - I don't believe in a bunch of books sitting around doing nothing, when kids could be reading them). But, since I buy and sell them on e-bay, I always have a huge stock.

Greg said...

The Geekish gene is indeed a fickle one. I know the first three Star Wars movies, but the more recent ones really held little fascination for me. Similarly, I could quote chapter and verse of DC Comics Universe/Multiverse chronology in my sleep, but know little of these X Men or Doctors Who of which you speak.

But Zaphod Beeblebrox, now there's one hoopy frood, a totally hip guy, a cool cat. And I would LOVE a pan-Galactic Gargleblaster right about now.

Meg said...

Too funny! I got into the collectibles but not the movies so much. I still have the figures and my R2D2 cookie jar. Would trade them for a Johhny Depp doll, though.

Drowsey Monkey said...

OMG ... noisy tan corduroys ... that make me laugh out loud! I had those!

This has actually made me feel good about myself, I'm not as nerdy as I thought I was :)

Jenn Thorson said...

ShadowCrystal- Ah, I remember reading the Archies and particularly Betty and Veronica-- good times. :)

Greg- Heh, I knew you'd pick up on the Zaphod Beeblebrox reference. Because, well, you're a guy who always knows where his towel is. :)

Meg- The cookie jar sounds very cool! My Johnny Depp collection is a bit heavy on the Jack Sparrows, though I do have an Edward Scissorhands, who watches them with some nervousness.

Drowsey- Ah, you remember the corduroys too, eh? And why were they always tan or brown?

Chyna said...

Did you realize that the current Dr Who was in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? I wasn't until I was watching it with my dd and low and behold there's the Dr! Now that is a mind trip! LOL

Oh and I do have a somewhat good grasp of the X-Men. I've been enthralled by Storm since grade school.

ThriftShopRomantic said...

Chyna- Indeed, I did! It is startling to see the Doctor doing evil deeds as Barty Crouch, Jr., but he does do maniacal well. :)