Recent evidence has come to light that the Fruit of the Loom Guys-- the renowned mascots for a popular cotton underwear brand-- have been compromised by foreign entities posing among them, in order to obtain highly-classified information on comfort waistbands and non-wedgie fabric production.Readers may already be familiar with Rory McIntosh (also known as "Apple")-- the popular lead singer of the Fruit Guys group-- and skilled backup men, Concord Jones (called "Purple Grape" to his fans) and Jimmy Niagara (stage name: "Green Grape").
But who is this figure with them, silently harvesting the sweet fruits of their labors?
Leif Romaine, also known as Ignacius Iceburg, Lenny "the Head" Lettuce, and George "Garnish" Wilson is believed to have been a plant in the Fruit Guys band from the very beginning.
Large sums of green sent to Mr. Romaine's bank account suggest that he was in the employ of the Adam & Eve Undergarments Inc., even while appearing with the Fruit Guys. His job, theorists indicate, was to root out the manufacturing strengths of the Fruit of the Loom brand, so it could be duplicated in the Adam & Eve factories at cost.
But Leif's fall from grace has hit the other members of the Fruit Guys hard.
In a candid interview with members of the band, the musicians indicate they feel soured on the whole system now."I had no idea something so rotten was going on right under our noses like that," said McIntosh.
"Guess it only takes one bad one to spoil the bunch," added Niagara philosophically.
But the band members insist that because the market is still ripe for their band's niche their music will only grow from this regrettable scandal.
"It all stems from our devotion to comfortable, affordable underwear," states Mr. Concord.
Now, Leif Romaine sits in prison, awaiting trial, in a small maximum security terrarium living on meager sunlight and water.
Lawyers for the accused currently offer no comment. Word on the grapevine is that he plans to plead "Innocent."
9 comments:
Ha, ha. Priceless Jenn. You now that guy in prison? I think it best if we just leaf him alone. Funny, I did a fruity post today too. You should "slip" over.
Nonamedufus- It's a harvest of humor today, eh? :)
Hum...sounds like a pretty tough time for Leif. Is it OK for Fig to visit?
Never trust a vegetable.
Too, too funny! Those crazy fruits. Guess their undies have been too tight for years. Finally made them go crazy!
I knew that guy was no good. Something about him just seemed to rub me the wrong way. Always came off to me to be as evil as a cabbage. Oops. I meant to type asparagus.. Giant, buckteeth asparagus' stole my lunch money when I was just a wee lad.
I think they did it because I would run around all the time like "Weeeeeeee!" Annoying? yeah, but that's no excuse to be a jerk and stuff.
Reforming Geek- Yeah, it's the pits, isn't it? Send Fig along. He might be able to bake a paring knife for him in a carrot cake. :)
Angela- Something does smell slightly rotten, doesn't it? :)
Lisa- I notice the Fruit of the Loom guys DO address the non-fruit issue on the FruitGuys web site. But I'm not buying it. :)
CB- Don't go slandering cabbages now. We know their hearts are always pure!
I'm sorry to hear, though, about your asparagus trauma. Must have been one bad bunch.
you are hilarious. what is that thing!?!
Paige- The Fruit of the Loom web site indicates he's just some leaves. But I smell a coverup. :)
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