Recent evidence has come to light that the Fruit of the Loom Guys-- the renowned mascots for a popular cotton underwear brand-- have been compromised by foreign entities posing among them, in order to obtain highly-classified information on comfort waistbands and non-wedgie fabric production.
Readers may already be familiar with Rory McIntosh (also known as "Apple")-- the popular lead singer of the Fruit Guys group-- and skilled backup men, Concord Jones (called "Purple Grape" to his fans) and Jimmy Niagara (stage name: "Green Grape").
But who is this figure with them, silently harvesting the sweet fruits of their labors?
Leif Romaine, also known as Ignacius Iceburg, Lenny "the Head" Lettuce, and George "Garnish" Wilson is believed to have been a plant in the Fruit Guys band from the very beginning.
Large sums of green sent to Mr. Romaine's bank account suggest that he was in the employ of the Adam & Eve Undergarments Inc., even while appearing with the Fruit Guys. His job, theorists indicate, was to root out the manufacturing strengths of the Fruit of the Loom brand, so it could be duplicated in the Adam & Eve factories at cost.
But Leif's fall from grace has hit the other members of the Fruit Guys hard.
In a candid interview with members of the band, the musicians indicate they feel soured on the whole system now.
"I had no idea something so rotten was going on right under our noses like that," said McIntosh.
"Guess it only takes one bad one to spoil the bunch," added Niagara philosophically.
But the band members insist that because the market is still ripe for their band's niche their music will only grow from this regrettable scandal.
"It all stems from our devotion to comfortable, affordable underwear," states Mr. Concord.
Now, Leif Romaine sits in prison, awaiting trial, in a small maximum security terrarium living on meager sunlight and water.
Lawyers for the accused currently offer no comment. Word on the grapevine is that he plans to plead "Innocent."