Spam Random Delusional Compliment Generator- And Fingerpuppet Show

Everyone loves a good compliment, and spammers know it. So today's most innovative spam comments are laying it on thick, with lavish praise, fawning adoration, linky love... and an unrepentant and merry ignorance of context.

I've been getting this one lately:
Hi everybody. i would just like to make an introduction to everyone at www.cabbagesnkings.net Your forum is good! Generally when I visit forums I just come across crap, but this time I was really surprised, finding great information. Keep this fantastic effort up?? Visit CYOOT-HANDMADE-FINGERPUPPETS4KIDS.SPAM!

Ah, so kind, so detailed, so good for the self-esteem... If, y'know, this was real, a forum, or I'd planned to share vital finger puppet resources with my online buds.

I hadn't realized the finger puppet market was such that, like certain prescription meds of a personal nature, there were advantages to seeking them out through quiet, blackmarket spam puppeteering channels.

The nervous single man living in Mom's basement, pulling some strings to get rare illicit marionettes...

The schoolmarm with a rep to uphold, sticking her hand in underworld dealings for a knockoff Kermit.

Of course, "fingerpuppets" is probably a metaphor for something else far less yarn-and-felt based. I didn't click the link to find out.

Knowing the truth, you see, would ruin the images I've been enjoying of a secret underground Fight Club-styled Muppet Show, where you only get in if you pay a few under-the-table bucks to Scooter.

"What happens in Muppet Show, stays in Muppet Show. Now... Time to put on make-up and dress up right."

But I digress.

Because of the plug-and-play nature of the spam lately, I've been wondering whether these newfangled spammers don't have some sort of Random Delusional Compliment Generator for their comments.

Sort of a Mad Libs version for spam. They could input the top hundred or so insincere compliments and commentary into their database...

Keep it up!

Great forum!

I learned a lot.

Lots of good information here!

I love it here. I disagree with everything you said in this post.

(Some mixed messaging with that last guy. He's a wild card.)

I am a new first-time reader and am happy to meet everyone.

I have read all of your posts for a while now and will be back often.

And then they put it all together at will-- a mix-and-match for rich and exciting new spamitization in endless variety!

Lots of good information here I disagree with. Hi everyone, i am a new first-time reader and have read all of your posts for a while now and buy fingerpuppets hot blondes hot blond fingerpuppets. Great forum keep it up www.misspiggygoeshogwild.spam
Oh, I know it wouldn't improve the quality of spam we receive...

But hey, if I have to take the time to Not-Approve it, at the very least, it should be entertaining.

(Pssst, Scooter, here's that $20 I owe you. This week's secret password is "mnah-mnah")

10 comments:

Chris said...

I like it! Reminds me of "random report card comment" generators for teachers . . .

"(student's name) has shown improvement this semester. Please read for 30 minutes every night. Practicing basic math facts will be helpful."

madtexter (corey james) said...

Hee, hee. Clever observation. I too get those random comments sometimes, and know right away it must have been some 'bot' because the comment had nothing specific to say about the post I wrote.

And yes, I shutter to think what the real 'fingerpuppets' are that you would've seen if you clicked on the link. Oh, the possibilities swim through my head just thinking about what hot mess would be on the other end of a slight click.

Jenn Thorson said...

Chris- I suspect this might just be how spammers approach it. I mean, why spend time reading, or understanding context, or, even making sense in your own comment when you can hodge-podge it all together? :)

Corey- Heh, yeah, your post will be on, say, clothes in the 80s and they want to pick a fight with you about how they disagree regarding the 2010 music awards or something. :)

No, we don't want to know what the fingerpuppets are. I'm sure we don't.

But let me tell you, when you scan a spam, the word "fingerpuppets" is not usually the word you expect to see.

C.B. Jones said...

Greetings!

I love this email service/forum/public school system/neighborhood watch program! You are clearly an impeccable specimen of insight! I hope to continue to see more prescient embodiment of grace updates from you in the ever giving future.

http://glowinthedark.puppetmassagers.spam

Doug Stephens said...

Good comment with interesting point. I agree and stuff with awesomeness. Keep at it good job.

Um, usually I leave a link, but you might really think that this IS spam.

Melanie said...

:)

Aw, CB beat me to it!

Jenn Thorson said...

CB- Heh, clearly you have received some of the discussed spam yourself. Your use of the Spam Three-Syllable Word Thesaurus Technique is perfectly done. :)

Doug- See, unlike spammers, you recognize context is important. :) I thank you.

Melanie- It was bound to happen from SOMEONE, wasn't it? :)

Jeff K said...

I delete so much of the damn, computer generated,fake comments! If I ever meet on of these guys who use that silly automated bullsh*t, I'm going to tear him a new one!

ReformingGeek said...

I very much enjoy good company here.


Yeah. I laugh at those.

Do they actually get any hits from those comments?

Bethany said...

This week's secret password is "mnah-mnah"
--------------------------
Hahahahahaha