Let the Bon Essuie-Tout Rouler!

I was looking for a little snack this weekend and decided to pop-up a nice bag of... well... "Mantequilla Extra."

It used to be called "Butter Lover's." I'm sure of it. But I noticed this particular package seems to be trying to expand its multi-cultural horizons. Y'know, taking language classes in the evenings. Wanting me to better myself, by proxy. And sharing vital information on the 0g de grasa trans sin colesterol inside of it-- to say it's corazone healthy.

It also contains a whole 3 bolsas... So value for pesos, too, really.

I feel slightly pressured to have it with an ice cold cerveza next time.

What's more, I suspect the microwave popcorn has been taking these evening classes en Espanol with my saltines.
Yes, the Zesta crackers for my soup have gone "originales." And they're not just saltines anymore, either. They're "galletas saltine"...

Galletas
, here, meaning: "crush them up quickly before anyone notices you eat soup like a five-year-old... arriba, arriba, andalé!"

I thought for a moment I saw Ernie the Keebler Elf wearing a sombrero and poncho in the logo, baking the galletas saltine in his enchanted Saguaro cactus. But I guess I was mistaken.

Interestingly, my paper towels seem to be taking a French class at the same place the popcorn and saltines are digging the Spanish...
I grab an essuie-tout to wipe the mantequilla off my face, thus making every snack a moment worthy of a United Nations address.

And even my tea packet has chimed-in in its own special way. Right now it's trying to get me all introspective...

"The rhythm of life is when you experience your own body, mind and soul," it says with a wink.

(Well, it would wink if it had eyes. Trust me. It's a cheeky tea.)

So I guess there must be philosophy classes down at the same place all the cool, hip merchandise is becoming reeducated in languages.

Frankly, I think the tea is getting a little above itself. It sounds like it's been hanging out with the fortune cookies and the Snapple. Spending time on the shelves in witty banter, new age music tinkling in the background.

But hey-- at least it's in English.

16 comments:

Jaffer said...

I grew up with lables in atleast two languages - There was English and Arabic in addition to Hindi, Urdu/Persian, Tagalog, Malay and Bahasa Indonesia.

And now I've moved to a country were French always 'follows' or is 'on the back' or 'on the 'other side' or 'under' - (creepy)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- With all of those languages on one product, the type probably had to be microscopic to fit it all in!

Surfie said...

It seems like Spanish translations have found their way onto most packages around here too. My Pantene bottles have some French... If I use these products often enough, do you think I can claim to be multilingual? :)

Pearl said...

My bus ride is multi-languaged as well. Between that and the 1-800 lines, my Spanish has become quite conversational for someone who took French in high school.

Para English, marco uno! Para Espagnol, marco dos!

Very peligroso in the wrong hands...

Pearl

Jenn Thorson said...

Surfie- Quite possibly! Only, like my own high school French, it will only be useful in very specific situations. :)

Pearl- Heh, sounds like there might be a few personal injury attorneys advertising on your bus. :)

ReformingGeek said...

"Press 1 for English...."

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Like if they don't use multiple languages on the package, you're not going to be able to tell that they're paper towels.

How muy estupido.

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek-- BEEEEEEEPPP!

Chris- But... but... HOW will you know? Perhaps you will use them incorrectly! (gasp) Like, um, try to eat them. And if you choked on them, or died from too much towel fiber, well, they could be SUED!

Ah, yes, they're preventing 0.0001% deaths a year from accidental towel digestion. :)

Jaffer said...

Perhaps they need to tell the folks that this Paper Towel is not Toilet Paper - it may hurt them if they used it that way.

---

@Jenn - Not really microscopic - The back part of some products, that listed the ingredients would fill every surface area with text !

Melanie said...

I've had that tea you speak of and frankly, I think it's right up there with the preachy Dove chocolate wrappers. But, at least they're in english.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, your tea may be speaking in English, but it sure sounds Greek to me.

screwdestiny said...

It really bothers me when I have to search to find the English on products. To they print stuff in Mexico to be half English/half Spanish?

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Does it really say that?! (Because my French class never got farther than dinner, and thus "serviettes" I am familiar with, but no other paper products.) :)

Melanie- It is good tea, which is why I put up with its preachiness... And I think it knows that. Friggin' smug tea.

NannyGoats- I imagine Plato and Socrates were misunderstood too. Of course they WERE Greek. :)

ScrewDestiny- It's like trying to find the cooking instructions on packaging. I can never find the oven instructions. It's always tucked in some obscure corner of the packaging.

Anonymous said...

I guess since most instructions for toys and electronics come in many languages it was only a many of time for common items such as popcorn and paper towels to catch up with them.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I guess I'll keep my eyes open for 'No Creo no es mantequilla'....though in my 'solamente blancos' town I don't think it'll happen in 'un mes de domingos'.

Anonymous said...

Ugh! I meant to say "matter of time" not many.