Kickin' It at the Kit-Kat Club

(Flash!... Flash, flash!)

I peered over my computer monitor into the yard diagonal from mine.

One cat. (Flash!) Two cats. (Flash, flash!) Three cats. (Flash!) Five.

The flickering illumination revealed the truth of the matter. Backyard motion sensor + city's entire cat populace = kickin' disco strobe light effect and the hottest feline nightclub Pittsburgh has seen in decades.

The neighbors-- and more to the point, the neighbors' large dog-- haven't been home because their house is being renovated. Windows are ripped out. French doors sit waiting. And a deck is being built onto the back...

(Flash, flash!... "Pump up the jam, pump it up...")

...So the Kit-Kat Club All-Nite Rave Party's moved in.

It's a building site theme, natch. Lots of posts and planks for the go-go girls to perch on and shake their tails. And plenty of nooks and crannies for swingin' singles to cat around in.
Far as I can tell, the big yellow tomcat acts as bouncer. Yessir, the fur really flies if you can't pay the cover charge-- and at two mice a pop, he's raking it in.

Plus, they've got some pretty diverse musical acts going on there. Some rising star a cappella boy bands... Some three-part-harmony girl groups...

And then there's the grey-and-white wannabe out there in the zoot suit singing "Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby?" along with bass accompaniment. No one's told him the neo-Swing movement died out in the 90s. But hey, he's persistent. Who knows-- maybe with his help, it'll have nine lives, too.

But I could swear I heard him out there practicing Brian Setzer's "Stray Cat Strut."

So now I'm wondering what's going to happen when the construction is done and the neighbors and their dog move back in.

These folks are going to come back to find rancid cartons of kahlua and cream... hairballs swaying gently in the breeze... and catnip bongs under the hedge. They're going to want to use their deck, but every time they barbeque there's going to be this vague scent of urine, upchucked Friskies and stale mice.

And what of the the Kit-Kat Club's patrons? Well, with Fido back in town, they'll have to relocate. Yes, somewhere in the city, alone in the moonlight, they'll smile at the old days; it was beautiful then.

Well, maybe they'll can find themselves a nice junkyard, low on rent, and high on acoustics where they can give the Kit-Kat Club some new life.

And if not... hey... at least they'll have memories.

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Humorbloggers

12 comments:

Lili said...

I'll bet some of them will have little furry memories called "kittens"!

Jenn Thorson said...

Lili- Heh, possibly so. Fuzzy memories in cat-terms are quite different than for humans. :)

stillthinking said...

When I first saw the title of your post, I thought, "Oh! Jenn has been to the Kit Kat Klub, a popular bar with a wonderful, lively and fun tranny floor show!" Then I read the post and realized "no." I was part sorry that your peace and quiet was being disturbed and part cracking up at the Roaring 20's antics of these badly behaved felines. May I suggest contacting your local no-kill shelter to come round up these swinging cats?

Jenn Thorson said...

Still- Heh, I knew it was a real club name, I just couldn't resist using the title. I can't tell how many cats are actually outdoor cats owned by people but who go a-roaming (I know one family does just let their cats out), and how many are just strays.

I was completely cracking up when I saw what they were doing with the motion sensor lights. I was blogging and the flashing was like a little lightning storm over there.

belovedjade said...

hahahahaha!!! too funny! I enjoy your writing.
We don't have cats, but we have deer.
and no motion-sensors, so they can't keep us up at night.
They eat the flower garden, though.

ReformingGeek said...

So THAT'S where my cat goes at night. I'm surprised he's that brave since he is usually very shy around others.

He also tells me he's a virgin and never does drugs.

Wow! What a great kid...er...cat I have.

Jenn Thorson said...

BelovedJade- Heh, thank goodness you don't have the motion sensors. A deer rave party would be just as bad. Watching them pass hors d'oeuvre trays of the marigolds you just planted... Seeing them practicing their "deer in headlights" routine as party entertainment... Not pretty. :)

ReformingGeek- Just keep an eye on him. If he comes back purring a swing beat, you may need to smell his breath for cream and illicit substances.

screwdestiny said...

Haha, I wish I had a Kit-Kat club near me. I love cats.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Too funny. As soon as I saw the picture, the phrase "Is you is, or is you ain't my baby?" popped right into my head.

Ann's Rants said...

This is Paula Abdul's new club, isn't it?

Babs-beetle said...

Hilarious! We don't see too many Kit-Kat clubs here. Maybe that's a good thing. They do get a tad rowdy at night ;)

Jenn Thorson said...

Screw Destiny- Well, I noticed last night the neighbors seem to be moved back in. So the Kit-Kat Club has moved on... perhaps you'll spot them in your neck of the woods. :)

Chris- Heh, I LOVED that episode. And as a kid, I was shocked to find out it was an actual song. :)

Ann- Oh, I totally forgot about that video-- yes, you're quite right.

Babs- Well, whatever the hot new club is usually does have a few... incidents. :)